Daniel's Journals
by Nadie2
Summary: Set post-season, but pre-Sam going to Atlantis. In this story Walter publishes a daily SGC newspaper complete with betting pools, gossip, jokes, fanfiction, and Vala's wild tales of adventure. Vala begins swiping Daniel's journals, and publishing the "juicy bits" behind his back. This story is what she published, and various characters reacting to it in "intermissions."
1. June 1973

_The abridged and translated journals of_

 _Dr. Daniel Jackson Ph.D._

 _With all the boring technical crap cut out by_

 _Vala Mal Doran_

 _(You're welcome)_

 _Translations from Arabic:_

 _Jack O'Neill_

 _Translations from Ancient Egyptian *cough* Goa'uld_

 _Vala MalDoran_

 _Published via SGC's (unofficial) daily newspaper_

 _by installment_

 _Editor: Walter Harriman_

 _*All dates written European-style per Daniel's original_

 _A dusty leather journal sits on the shelf of Daniel's apartment. It's the first one, the most expensive one._

 _The first 14 pages of his journal are rubbings of burial masks, done in crayon, but with the precision of a professional anthropologist. Field notes, in Arabic on the side, mostly copying down what he'd heard his parents say; a few, semi-original thoughts of his own._

 _Then there is a long silence, five months, but in the journal it is only a single blank leaf._

 _Then, nine year old Daniel Jackson begins to tell his own story._

11.06.1973

Dr. Moon says I should talk to you. Well, fine, but I'm not going to do it in English. Ever since I've come to this place, they've said I was shy and quiet. I didn't speak because I didn't understand their language. I didn't speak it.

So I'll write this journal. But I'm writing to you, my parents, not them. So it's happening in Arabic.

I'm pissed. Yep, I know a swear word. That's what you get for letting me hang out with the village boys. So you took me away from community, from home. From a place where we take care of anyone who needs it.

You took me to America for two weeks and left me here forever. I don't know anyone here. They don't take care of me like they did at home. I am all alone.

I asked you to play with me, and you worked, and then you died. That damn stone.

Turns out I know two swear words. I'll learn a few more, and get back to you.

13.06.1973

You guys know I wasn't really mad, right?

I mean, I am mad, but I'm not mad at you guys. I love you guys. I would do anything to have you back in my life.

I'm mad that you died. And if you guys are in some place where you could actually know what I'm writing, whether we're talking about the field of rushes or heaven, I think you would probably agree with me. It sucks that you had to die.

Before you died, I used to think you were so old, ancient, but you weren't, were you? Your lives were just beginning. You went to school for such a long time, and then after school you got married, and went off for your adventures.

Then you waited for me. Yeah, I remember that sweet story Mom used to tell me about how you waited eight years for me to be born, hoping all the time.

I figure you probably wished I had siblings too. But I don't (which is probably just as well now).

I think you were robbed, because you only got to do half of the raising of me, but you know what else? I think I was robbed, too, because I only got eight years with you.

So I'm mad, but not at you. You guys were great parents, you just deserved a whole lot more.

15.06.1973

You want to know what I miss the most? People talking to me like I'm a human. I'm tired of people speaking to me like I'm a baby, or like I can't understand them. I think some of it is because I wasn't familiar with the language for so long, but I think most of it is this American culture where people think children are stupid. Where I came from they were treated like little adults.

I liked that a lot better.

I'm tired of people talking around me not talking to me. It's gotten worst since they started making me go to Dr. Moon. They seem to think that I am some delicate little flower who is going to break at any moment.

What they don't understand is that gold gets stronger when it is tested by fire. People are the same way. When a person has been through something that is truly awful, and they don't fall apart, well, then they are never going to fall apart.

I'm fine. I didn't talk for three months after you died, but that was as much about the language as it was about the trauma.

So I guess I did want you guys to know that I was fine.

18.06.1973

I thought Dr. Moon was going to be mad that I was writing the journal in Arabic. Actually, I wanted him to be mad, that was kind of why I was doing it. I wanted him to give up on me, because if he gives up on me because I'm naughty, then at least I am going to know why he gave up on me.

He wasn't mad though. He just looked at the journal, sat back in his chair, and looked at me for a good long moment before he said, "This Arabic?"

I nodded, somewhat impressed that he was able to identify the language that quickly. Maybe he has some of that natural linguistic ability that Momma was always accusing me of having.

"Why do you feel like you have to hide, Daniel?" Dr. Moon asked, and damn it all anyway, but it sounded like he actually gave a crap.

I shrugged my shoulder.

He smiles, "My dear, you may be able to fool those people who take care of you into thinking you are selectively mute or whatever they brought you in here for. I know that you just don't feel like telling them anything."

I squirmed. He looks into my eyes with a smile, patiently waiting for me to spill my guts.

I didn't, but I really wanted to.

Psychology = black magic.

24.06.1973

I've studied for this meeting. I read everything in the elementary library about psychology. Then I walked the two miles to the public library, and continued reading. He is never going to trick me again.

25.06.1973

Dr. Moon is learning Arabic.

Well, you jerk, no more writing for you.

-0-

Jaffa Joke of the week:

A guard of Set, and a guard of Apophasis met on a neutral planet. The guard of Set's mouth drools.


	2. August 1973

06.08.1973

Ok, Dr. Moon, you win.

If you require me to write so many words a week or I double my sessions, I will.

 _What follows is a technical description of Ancient Egypt, which any sixth-grader could produce._

13.08.1973

Ok, so you require me specifically to talk about my feelings. Great, at least now we've got the particulars down. You know what I feel? Manipulated. I feel like every time you call me your little psychologist you are trying to make me bow to your will.

I'm not a psychologist. Yeah, I read a couple books. But you know what I am? I'm my abba's little archeologist, and my imma's little linguist. If you think you can replace that then… well, you're the crazy one.

14.08.1973

I am so far away from my quota, and I know you're not going to accept anything less than deep personal stuff. You keep asking me what life was like when I lived with my parents, so here it goes.

I was born in Greece, but I don't remember any of my time there. When I was about two years old, we did a few months in America, and Belize with my grandpa, who only lets me call him Nicholas. I don't remember that either.

I remember Iraq a little; I was between two years old and four. It's a little hard for me to tell the difference between Iraq and Egypt. They are both sandy places. I can only mark the memories by the clothes people are wearing in them, and the people wearing them.

My mother used to lay out a blanket for me on the sand, and put one of those huge umbrellas over me. She'd lay me down there with a few toys and some books. Most of the time, I would take a brush, and move the sand away at the edge of the blanket like I was on my own archeological dig.

My dad thought that was charming.

It made my mom's eyes a little sad in a way that I couldn't understand when I was small. At first I thought it was because I was copying my dad instead of her. So I tried to babble in every language that she knew.

That didn't make her happy either.

It was years later when Nick was visiting when I understood. She didn't want me to go into the family business. She wanted something better for her son. The only thing is, I couldn't think of anything better than a dig.

In the heat of the day, often Dad would keep working, but Mom and I would go to the tent. She would fan me until I fell asleep.

She used to get me fruit. When I was a little kid I didn't notice no-one else had fruit.

They were good parents.

I guess I've been talking mostly about my mom, and you probably think that I loved her the most. But I didn't. I loved them both. So my dad, what great memory do I have of my father?

At night time, around the fire, most of the other dads made their kids go to bed. Mine used to ask me to sit around the fire with him.

20.08.1973

Great progress, you tell me. You going to give me a scratch and sniff sticker, too?

Didn't you hear the part about how I hated it when people treated me like I was a little kid? And then you go and treat me like a little kid.

Either you're an idiot, or you are trying to manipulate me. Either way…

But I have to play your game, because you're the boss.

But my feelings are anger. I know you are going to call that transference. You'll say I'm not mad at you, I'm mad at my parents for dying or I'm mad at myself or something. But the long and short of it is…I am mad at you.

You asked me what I thought about my foster parents, and I couldn't answer in front of you. You are totally right about me having a trouble with face to face communications. There is something anonymous in the pen, to be sure. When I write, I don't have to watch anger or fear or - worst of all - pity cross the faces of people I'm talking to.

I just get to say whatever I say, and they have to deal with it on their own time.

I've got enough to deal with on my own time.

But you're wrong about writing feeling safe. Nothing has felt safe for a long time.

Anyway, back to my foster parents. I get the feeling that you think there is some sort of deep dark secret here. That something horrible happened to me in one of the foster homes before the Nettles. But you're wrong. It's not like I don't know the kinds of things you're asking about. I know enough foster kids to know the kinds of crap that goes on. But no-one ever beat me, or touched me, or even really yelled at me.

The point is, no-one ever really loved me either.

It's like when you're sitting at a warm fire on a cold desert night, and you are warmed right down the marrow. Then you walk away, for whatever reason, and the away feels so much cooler because the fire was so warm.

The world feels so cold, because my parents were so good.

So you're barking up the wrong tree if you think my foster parents hurt me.

27.08.1973

No, my foster parents didn't neglect me, either. I feel sorry for you and the kinds of kids that you usually deal with.

I know, it's dissociative when I talk like I'm not a kid. But let's be honest: I'm not. Not compared to the little ones I'm forced to hang out with every day at school. I have never once cried because I ran out of red crayon (and I will point out that I have fewer crayons than most of them).

-0-

Notice: Dates are still open in the O'Neill/Carter betting pool, but they are closing fast. See Walter to put your wager in now.


	3. September 1973

03.09.1973

Yeah. I knew the word counts for the last two weeks have been under. I didn't want to risk another freaking atta-boy.

10.09.1973

Seriously? I can't believe that you made me do two sessions last week! You even waited out the absolute silence. I have to give you points for that. Ok, compromise. I'll talk about real stuff, but not the stuff you want to talk about. Ok? I'm just not up for giving you the gory details about my parent's death, and I think it's pretty twisted that you would ask.

But I'll make word count from now on, like a dutiful little crazy kid. Therapy homework. I guess I deserve it since I never get actual homework.

You know what? I will respond to one of your "therapy questions". "Do I want to get better?"

No.

"Why not?" you would ask if you were here right now.

Well, because your version of getting better is being happy. And that's screwed up, because sadness is a perfectly valid human emotion. Modern society may have banished tragedy from the face of the Earth, but it used to be as valid an art form as comedy.

More than that. I don't want to be happy, because there is no-one left to grieve my parents if I stop. They deserve someone to grieve them.

I know you'll tell me that I deserve things too. That I deserve to be happy. But I just think about those pictures after they killed President Kennedy. All those people grieving. That's the kind of grief that my parents deserve.

Halfway. And yes, I'm counting these as words, because they are feeling, too. You keep telling me that my feelings are valid. So are my feelings that psychology is crap valid too?

You wanted me to tell you why my foster family is passing me off. I think that you should ask them. But I've got hundreds of words to go, so here it is.

They said they don't feel a connection with me. They don't feel a bond. I don't bond with people. Sometimes I think it's still the language barrier. I mean, I speak English well enough that most people don't know it's not my native tongue. But there are still a lot of words that I don't know. I had to look up "bond" when they used it, and I still don't get what this has to do with money that gets you out of jail. It's partly, I think, because people are temporary. I hold them at arm's distance, because I don't want it to hurt when they leave. Sometimes, though, mostly when I wake from a nightmare in the middle of the night, I think it's possible that I am incapable of making a connection with any other human, that there is some part of me that is eternally broken. Maybe all the rest of my life I will be nothing but a ghost walking through life. It scares me more than you will ever know.

I know you're going to ask what the nightmares are about. Well, mostly they are about Egyptian gods devouring my soul, because it weighs more than a feather.

There are your 500 words.

17.09.1973

First of all, I don't think it counts when your psychologist says they've made a connection with you. You're paid to do that. Yes, I do know I'm quite introspective for a kid, because I'm not a kid. I'm a short adult. The sooner you accept that, the better off you'll be.

To your question about 'do I blame myself for my parents' deaths'… well, yeah… I do. So I guess you are going to get the bloody story that you wanted at last.

We were in a museum, I saw that column start to quaver, and I tried to warn them. But I wasn't convincing enough. So maybe this whole 'don't connect to humans' thing started before the accident. If they'd had a normal son, a convincing son, a believable son, a lovable son, maybe they would still be alive.

How do I feel about my new foster parents? Nothing. I know you said that numbness is normal after grief, but when does it end? When am I going to start feeling anything besides anger and despair? Not that I deserve to feel anything else. See, I can't even stay loyal to my parents in longing to be well.

You'd say that's a good thing. That my parents want me to be happy.

You know what? I'm never going to hit 500 words, so book the second session, Dr. Moon, and we'll have a staring contest.

 _After this Daniel takes a lot of notes. It's mostly about documentaries he caught on PBS, or articles in National Geographic or Journal of Anthropology that he read in the Public Library. The analysis is acute. The notes are taken in Ancient Egyptian. I've spared you all that drivel, and we'll skip to young Daniel's first crush._

-0-

Jack Joke of the week:

How many Tok'ra does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Infinity, because they are freaking useless.


	4. 1974

12.09.1974

I'm writing this in Ancient Egyptian, just in case Dr. Moon gets noisy. I mean, I like the man. We're getting along great right now, and my transference anger is gone now. It's not like I'm going to bring this notebook to therapy, but you never know.

My teacher's glasses remind me of my imma, and behind them are these bright green eyes. She has long flowing brown hair, and a flowing hippy dress. I didn't know that teachers could wear hippy clothes to school. I'm pretty sure my current foster parents would be pretty scandalized if they met her, but there is really no danger of that. They are not the most involved.

Her name is Ms. Wood.

On the first day of school she asked everyone to introduce themselves. When I didn't, just stared at the desk in front of me, she didn't yell or push. She just knelt down in front of me with that flowy dress touching my knees under the desk. "Are you ok, Daniel?"

I just smiled and nodded my head.

The next day I wrote her a poem. I mean, it was nothing that would let her know how I felt. I'm not stupid. If you like a teacher you have to keep quiet about it. No, the metaphor was buried pretty deep in there. It was just a poem about a stream, a stream that flowed just like her hippy dress, but still.

She called me up to her desk, and I was certain that she was going to chew me out. She must have seen through it. But all she does is call me, "Genius." It doesn't make me angry, and this is the first time I've been able to take a compliment since it came from my parents.

The next day, she recommended a book. Walt Witman. I recommended one back, the Book of the Dead. That impressed her.

She kept me in a recess today, and had me try some high school work. She told me I was ready for it.

I thought my heart was going to break. "So, you're going to send me there?" I asked.

She smiles at me, "Oh dear, not 'til next year. This year, fifth grade, it's going to be sacred. You are going to sit right in that desk, and learn whatever makes your heart happy."

It's a gift. A gift of an entire year.

It's the first time I've felt alive in a really long time.

 _Daniel uses the rest of the notebook for a technical analysis of several very ancient books (Iliad, Odyssey, Epic of Gilgamesh, Record of the Grand Historian, Heredities, etc.). There is also some sort of a science experiment involving the effects of various foods on focus and memory. The main part of it though, is an essay tracing the origins of Judeo/Christian religious beliefs back to Ancient Egypt._

 _At some point he gets a new notebook from his teacher. It's not fancy and leather bound like the one his parents got him, but it is high quality, and it is thick – a five-subject. Ms. Wood obviously wanted her student to make a lot more brilliant observations._

 _It's page ten of this new notebook before he gets personal again. It doesn't seem as if he ever gave this letter to Dr. Moon, even though it looks like he went to rip it out several times, he just never finished the job._

Dr. Moon,

Okay, active listening then. I hear you when you say that I'm cured. No, you would correct me, and tell me that I wasn't listening very well. You never said I was cured, because you still maintain that there was nothing wrong with me in the first place. You keep telling me that I was never crazy. I was just a kid with a lot of trauma who needed help learning to deal with it.

Fine, but you're not done yet. I'm ten years old, and I'm sure there is a lot more trauma to come.

I'll tell you that I am angry at you for leaving me. You'll call it transference. Maybe that is true, but the fact is transference is for people who have someone, people who have friends, and family, and someone who loves them. It's not really transference if my psychologist is the only one who has given a crap about be since my parents died.

Please don't leave me.

You call me your little psychologist; well, okay. I'm telling you, in my professional opinion, that if you leave me now, I will never trust another soul.

Everyone leaves me. Why? What is wrong with me?

Please, please, please don't leave me.

Sincerely,

Danny

 _He writes a love poem to his teacher (or maybe it really is about a willow tree), a research paper about the combining of the upper and lower kingdoms of Egypt, a geometric proof for the Pythagorean Theorem, a comparative analysis of the beliefs of the major world religions, plus Ancient Egyptian, and a book review of the Complete Works of William Shakespeare._

Sleep is a complete waste of time; yep, that's why I'm not doing it anymore. It's not because the nightmares have returned. Well, that's not quite true, the nightmares are different than they were before. They are not even really nightmares.

Last night I dreamt that I came home from school with a glowing report card from Ms. Wood's and my dad said "I'm proud of you son", and my mom hugged me. The night before, we were in the pyramid together, uncovering writing.

Only, there isn't any writing in the pyramid.

The point is, all of the things that happen in my dreams are good things, really good things. It's just hard to wake up from them, and be faced with the cruel cold world, again.

In the middle of the night, when everyone else is asleep I feel even more like a ghost walking deserted hallways than I do during the day. Sometimes I worry that I am so different from the rest of the world that no-one can ever understand me, but then I think, Ms. Woods does, and I'll cling to that.

 _Next up from the little nerd: an essay postulating several theories of why there is no writing in the pyramids, a criticism of algebraic theory, a research paper on the lunar landings, and a tracing of the evolution from pictographs to alphabets - using several ancient languages as examples._

I've never given a teacher a present before. I never really had anything to give them, and I guess I didn't really see the point. This is one of the cultural things that I really don't get. But when it came to Christmas with Ms. Wood, I had to get her something.

So I do odd jobs around the neighborhood, and trade some homework assignments for lunch money (no-one in Ms. Wood's class of course, I could never fool her).

The question of what to get her is quite hard. I've been looking through stores for days, and I never find anything that is quite right, anything that is nearly as extraordinary as she is.

In the end I get her a little fake blackboard with a fake math problem written on it,

"2 teach is  
+2 touch a life  
4ever"

She thanks me, and smiles, and hangs it behind her desk, but I can tell by her smiling face that she doesn't understand how much she means to me. That no matter what I do, Ms. Woods will never understand that she is the only person in my life right now that I care about at all, that I have any connection to whatsoever.

I worry about what is going to happen at the end of this year. I'm going to be going to high school. I'll be four years younger than all of the other students, and that isn't exactly a recipe for friend making. I'm not even sure I'm capable of making friends.

Then again, I have a lot better luck with adults than children, so maybe people in high school are more like adults than children.

-0-

Notice: Teal'c is providing a free meditation lesson Thursday afternoon in the gym. I just want to remind everyone of what happened last time no-one showed up, and really, really, really encourage you to come.


	5. 1975

_Daniel starts a pretty severe but brief obsession with a TV show called Isis. He alternates between listing the inaccuracies and writing stories that show him becoming various Ancient Egyptian gods. Photocopies of these stories are available in my quarters for a price, but my goodness people be discreet. We don't want another Sam/Jack betting pool incident. Remember, the fun will be over as soon as Daniel finds out! So sneak up on it like you're on a mission, people!_

 _The stories have pictures, by the way. Including one with Daniel dressed as Ra kissing a version of Hathor that apparently was based on his teacher. It's a little creepy, but well worth the premium price I'm charging. He is, after all, wearing a suit that looks like wonder woman with a touch of Goa'uld thrown in._

 _12.02.1975_

I miss Dr. Moon. If he were here, I would ask him why I can't seem to think about anything other than the TV show. I guess… it's Egyptian, and that reminds me of my parents. Only, she has superpowers. She can actually make the world a better place.

It seems to me, the world could really do with someone to make it a better place. I wish that person could be me. I'd give anything for that person to be me. It's just… I don't really have any special powers, anything great to offer the world.

Ms. Woods asked me to stay in for recess for a few minutes. She sat on top of her desk, and stared at me for a good long time before she said anything. Then she said, "Daniel, your quality of work has decreased."

I just looked at my feet. All the words that have been coming so easily to me for months now seem to have flown out of my mouth, and my chest feels like it is constricting.

"Is there something wrong?" the same concern that she had for me on my first day of school. The concern that has made me work so hard for her for so long.

I shook my head.

"Daniel, you are so brilliant, I would hate to see you waste all of that."

"I'm sorry Ms. Woods," I muttered.

So… no more fiction. It's a waste of time. I am going to keep watching Isis, though. A few minutes of wasted time each week isn't going to hurt me.

 _Next up:_ _h_ _y_ _pothesis of what the "Q" source for the gospels would contain, chemical formulas – poorly-balanced, according to Sam, and a hypothesized evolution of Kopic Greek._

10.03.1975

They told me I am getting a new foster home. This time they didn't bother with an excuse. They just told me I was moving.

I decided that I wasn't going to speak until they explained it to me. Five days, and they didn't even notice.

Well, I am not going to make friends with the new ones. No way. This losing people business is starting to hurt way too much.

 _There is an angry drawing of Isis beating the tar out of his foster parents. He also wrote: a research paper on the conversion of Ancient Rome to Christianity, a love ballad to his teacher, and some math in base 60 (like the summaries), and drew a sentimental imitation of an Egyptian funeral mask for each of his parents._

30.05.1975

The school bell rang, but I stayed riveted to my seat.

Ms. Wood sits cross legged on the floor beside me, spraying her skirt around her. "What's wrong, Danny?"

"I don't want to leave," I whisper.

She is silent for a long time, and then she says, "It's bad enough I kept you for a year. Someone like you, Daniel, you belong to the universe. You are going to do such amazing things. It would be selfish for me to try to keep you all to myself."

There is a lump I my throat, and I can't get anything past it. It's probably for the best, because all of the things I'm trying to get past are things that she doesn't need to know. She doesn't need to know how she is my only friend. How she has taken the place of psychologist and mother and father for me. She certainly doesn't need to know about my adolescent fantasies full of romance.

I just nod my head.

"It's not like we are never going to see each other again," she assures me, "You're going to come visit me next year when you are in high school."

I nod my head, but I know it's a lie. It's hard enough to walk out of this room this one time. I can't image walking out of it more than once.

"Goodbye, Ms. Wood," I say.

I turn at the door, just before I leave, and I catch a single tear running down her face. It makes me feel a lot less alone. Leaving doesn't just hurt me.

-0-

Notice: Vala has organized speed dating in the officer mess Friday night. A reminder, there is civilian clothing, and then there is _civilian_ clothing. Vala, we're talking to you.


	6. 1st Intermission

"Vala! You were going to help me translate!" Daniel says, pushing his way into Vala's room without knocking.

An Airman and Vala jump off the bed with startled expressions on their faces.

Daniel rolls his eyes, "Look, I get that, because you live on the base, the line between work and personal life tends to get a little bit blurred. But you're on the clock, so keep your romantic endeavors to your own time."

Daniel can't help but glance at the Airman's name. He didn't know that Vala was dating anyone. The name is Woods, and it gives his heart a brief pitter. It's stupid, he hasn't thought about his grade school teacher in forever, and there are plenty of people with her name. It doesn't mean anything, and he wished that it never occurred to him.

Daniel also notices that the Airman has his arms behind his back like he is hiding something. What the heck did he interrupt?

"Come on," he says, looking at Vala and trying hard not to blush.

"Right, just leave the cash on the bed," she tells Airman Woods causing him to flush red at the words.

They are a dozen steps down the hallway before Daniel finds his voice, "Prostitution?" he squawks, getting eyebrow raises from those in the hallway.

Vala is amused by his horror. So she shrugs.

"Jesus, if you needed money, you should have just asked me," he tells her.

She bounces next to him, "Daniel, can I have money?"

He glares at her, "You're going to stop sleeping with strangers?" he queries.

She squints at him.

He sighs, "For money?" he adds.

"Ok," she says, bouncing along beside him.

"How much do you need?" he asks.

She squints, trying to figure out how much that he would be willing to part with, "$400?"

He lets out a long sigh. It means he's not going to be able to buy those old tablets he had his eye on, but he can't let his friend sell herself! "Fine."

A few hours later, he drops her off in her room, before going to catch a short nap in lieu of a night's sleep in his own room, to see a crisp five dollar bill on the bed.

"Five dollars?" he practically squawks.

"Is that high?" she asks with mock concern. It still cracks her up how he can never tell when she's messing with him.

"No, I think it's quite low," he says.

"Oh, I don't have a lot of experience with this market, I'll have to take your word for it," she says cavalierly.

He turns bright red, "I don't have any experience with it either. I've never… hired a prostitute! But I think you should have been getting more than $5!"

It's only when he laying down in his own quarters half an hour later that he thinks about exactly how many men she'd have to do at $5 a pop to make $400.

"Damn, she hustled me again!"

-0-

Notice: General O'Neill is visiting, and in the infirmary. He got his knee replaced. This is not a drill! You were all warned. If you have non-emergency medical needs you can report to a temporary nursing station in the VIP quarters. Three short knocks, and one long one - ask for Amber.


	7. 1976

07.09.1976

I was late to first period. Everyone else in this school has been using lockers all through junior high, and this was my first attempt, so it's not surprising that it took a while for me to figure it out. By the time I enter, the teacher has already covered the board with half a page of notes. My pencil started flying across the page of my notebook, and there was a thrill in my heart with the challenge. Maybe for the first time since I was a kid, I was actually going to run against something that was going to be intellectually challenging.

I was wrong. The whole day I didn't encounter one fact that challenged me.

 _Daniel then wrote a comparison of the two oldest versions of The Book of the Dead._

05.10.1976

School did not get more difficult. It was actually just as brain numbing as all the school I did before. I should at least be grateful that I am not suffering through three more grades before getting to this level. The other day I looked through the high school handbook, and planned out a way to graduate in three years.

Maybe there will something good in adulthood.

 _Here the dear Daniel seems to have done some of the condensing for me. In the back of the notebook there are several slips of notebook paper that look like they were pulled from different notebooks for different subjects. They were probably jotted down in their notebooks. There are also some sticky notes that he confessed to stealing off his English teacher's desk._

 _The next notebook is one that he bought himself. It's one of the cheap composition notebooks. We go away from personal feelings for a good long time. In the next edition of the newspaper, a pretty little English girl walks into Daniel's life. We're talking Sara Gardner pre-Osiris here._

 _Daniel's Isis stories are still available in my room for $5 a pop. If we get caught by Daniel, our cover story is prostitution. Maybe he'll give me more money to save my immoral soul._

Notice: Samantha Carter is giving a talk on wormhole physics Wednesday at five o'clock. This year, Teal'c will be the official bouncer (instead of unofficial). Remember, comments only on the brain, not the body, thank you!


	8. 1981

_We're going to go through this quick, guys, 'cause as nerdy as our boy Daniel is now, he was a lot nerdier back then. Like I said, the only notes from his high school days were jammed in the back of the other notebook. In college he filled notebook after cheap notebook with research paper drafts (apparently he had to pay for time on a typewriter at the library, and he wanted them to be perfect before that). Once he got to grad school he started filling notebooks with research on artifacts. I'm just going to give you the juicy bits where he makes eyes at Sara._

12.01.1981

Why does she like me? I mean, seriously? Has she met me?

I don't think she really has. When I'm talking whether it's about work or something else half of the time I feel like we are not listening. She's just staring at me.

I don't get it.

I know she expects me to behave a certain way, and I have no idea what that way is. Maybe I should have studied how to do this whole romance thing.

But who has the time for that?

 _A lot of these pages have a coffee stain on them. One of them has a graph Daniel used to figure out the optimal amount of coffee to drink per day. Apparently after some point you get jittery and end up with diminishing returns._

03.02.1981

Last night I was trying to translate something, and all of a sudden Sara is on my lap. I was seriously tempted to push her on the floor - I was right in the middle of something, and I was not about to give up!

Then I saw her eyes, and my stomach goes out from within me.

"Sara," I say, blushing.

"Do you want to come to my room?" she asks in a voice as sweet as the honey that she puts in the tea she is always drinking. I've told her that if she could just switch over to coffee she could get the same kick of caffeine with a whole lot less effort.

"Yeah," I say, trying not to let the nervousness get into my voice.

She examines my face for a good long time before she says, "You've never done this before, have you?"

I don't answer. I try to think of anything that I could say that would make it less awkward, and horrible. I can't think of anything.

"Finally, I get to teach the great Daniel Jackson something."

 _And for the graphic bits, I'll see you in my quarters with a five dollar bill - for a copy of Daniel's writing, not for a re-enactment, just to be clear. For the re-enactment, you're going to have to take me to dinner._

04.02.1981

It's been so long since I've been held.

I really didn't want to get out bed this morning. It takes a long time to make up for years of no human contact.

She smells good too. Usually I don't like that chemically fruit or flower thing. I like natural smells like I had when I was a little boy, but Sara's shampoo. I could live with that.

12.03.1981

Remember Sara's birthday.

19.03.1981

Curly hair - forming a curtain around her artifact. Why is she trying to hide it from me?

24.03.981

Seriously, it's May 5th. Get her something.

12.03.1982

It was the anniversary you should have remembered, not the birthday. Dolt.

 _So, as you can see. I am not the only girl to ever get in the way of Daniel's research. I think I am just going to have to call up Sara, and get some tips on how to wrangle our wayward anthropologist. Anyone got her number?_

-0-

Notice: Tomorrow is Jack's annual "annoy the crap out Daniel Jackson day". Please stop by the gateroom and talk to Walter to get your shift. Stick to the five minute intervals this year, guys. Last year, his room was overflowing with googly-eyed females who overstayed their timing. If he catches onto this, the fun is over, people.


	9. 1987

_Okay, I got a sever scolding from the revered editor or our gossip rag. Walter says I'm not allowed to sell any more parts of Daniel's story. If I want you guys to know about it, I've got to publish it through him. Unfortunately, you don't get to read the naughty bits, because this paper is decent, and it's proper, and we're above that. It's fascist, if you ask me, but ever since the whole 'tried to print the internet' incident Sam did some techno-judo on all the computers on this base to refuse to print when it's me, I guess I'll have to follow his rules._

 _Also, I'm not allowed to really contact Sara. So, thank you for those who gave me leads in your research, but I'm going to have to find my own way to trap the archeologist._

 _But for the record, if you are in that Daniel and Vala getting together betting pool (and if you're not, see our esteemed editor Walter), I'm just saying - go with soon. I'm a survivor, people, and I once got a sexless species into bed. Not the whole species, but, well, pretty dang close. That was an interesting night, let me assure you. Daniel may be a monk, but as we learned in the last installment, not a completely celibate one._

 _His senior thesis, ladies, and gents, was on cross-pollination of ancient cultures, particularly those with pyramids, but survivors of Hathor already knew this._

 _So we breeze through another few notebooks, and we come to THE theory. You know, the "aliens made the pyramids" thing, except Daniel never said that._

14.09.1987

I took the proper precautions before I even dared to write it down. I thought that my discovery might be fueled by nothing more than too much caffeine, and not enough sleep. So, I took the weekend off, something that Dr. Jordan has been pushing me to do for a long time.

I slept, and more than that I dreamt. It has been a really long time since the last time that I dreamt. Your brain doesn't waste time on sleep when it's in bare survival mode. That's actually the main reason that I've been keeping my brain in bare survival mode for so long. I mean, if you don't dream, it is a lot easier to bury things from your past.

But I dreamt last night. I was with my parents at the dig at Giza. But not like it is now, not even like it would have been if I was really eight years old standing next to them like I was in the dream. No, it was like it was long ago when there were hundreds of secrets left to discover.

We are in the pyramids, and then we walk out of it, and we have traveled even farther back in time. We're back so far in time that the pyramid is still unused to entomb a single pharaoh, and the Valley of the Kings is just a valley.

But the Pyramids are already ancient. They have already existed for longer than the memory of any of the people who bustle around them.

It is one of the most basic facts of Egyptology. The pyramids were built 4,575 years ago, more or less. Ancient Egyptian society - religion, writing, and government - all came into existence only a little bit before that. Everyone knows that.

But everyone is wrong. The pyramids are older, by thousands of years. The writing system is about 5,000 years old, but was obviously base on a writing system that was far more ancient than that. The religion, too, is obviously a copy of something older.

I awoke with a start, having realized that my dreams were no escape from the theories that I have been working through. After all, the theories and the dreams come from the same place - my mind.

It had to be impossible, right? If it were true, there is no way that everyone else could have missed it. All of the brilliant scientists that had come before me believed that Egypt was young, so it must be young.

Of course, there were some people who thought Egypt was older, that the culture had been copied from something much older. But calling these people scientists was a little bit generous. They were crack pots who wrote popular books for the masses, and if I ever actually voiced this discovery, he would be nothing more than a crackpot as well.

I want to be a scientist, and I won't to give all of that up for some… theory. Even one that happens to be true.

Of course, science was all about the pursuit of truth. If I stopped trying to find truth, then I wasn't really being a scientist anymore, was he?

Anyway, it would take years to flesh out this idea, if I am going to do it properly, and this really wasn't the thing you wanted to head into half-baked. So, I have years to decide what I'm going to do with his theory, if I am going to do anything with this theory.

Well, I am certainly going to do the research, even if it never gets beyond bare ideas. After all… I have to know.

-0-

Notice: Daniel Jackson's weekly Goa'uld language lessons are starting back at the idea of beginner, because attendance in his intermediate class dropped to zero. This is a useful job skill, people, and we don't want the poor guy feeling bad about himself. I can make them required to enter into a betting pool if I have to.


	10. 2nd Intermission

Vala and Daniel are sitting in his office working on a translation of the Asgard database. Vala might not be known across the base as being particularly clever, but when it came to languages, she had an ear for it. Daniel's mother would have liked her, but he stifles that thought as quickly as it pops into his head. He can't think about someone he works with - that way.

As he forces the forbidden thought from his mind, new ones enter it. "Is Walter still making that paper of his?" Daniel asks.

"Wh… what?" Vala stammers, clearly caught off-guard in a way that is very uncharacteristic for her.

"That paper Walter used to do. You know, you used to write for it," he says.

The confident, sure Vala is back as she calmly says, "Right, my adventure stories."

"You've got a talent when it comes to writing," he says, making her blush at the compliment. He gives them very rarely, "Not that I actually believed any of those wild stories," he adds. And he's back to calling her a liar. That is far more comfortable territory for her.

"Some of them were true," she pouts.

"You once went on a three-hour tour with a Goa'uld?" he starts.

"Ok, so that one may have been inspire by some of your Tau'ri television," she admits.

She is pretty sure that she has distracted him from his original question, but the next words he says prove her wrong, "So, Walter isn't making the paper anymore? Because I missed Sam's talk on wormhole physics. Apparently it was a dozy. Teal'c pulled four marines out by their ears for talking about her, ah…" Daniel finishes the sentence with a cough, "Anyway, no-one warned me that Jack was in the infirmary, and when Siler accidently bloodied my nose…"

"Yeah, we're on a verbal warning system," Vala says, "Sorry you didn't get the message."

It figures, he thought glumly to himself. He _would_ be the one forgotten whenever it was something that involved social structure. That part of him was broken. He had thought, back when he was on Abydos, that there was a home for him being able to fix that broken part of him, but he knew now that that was little more than wishful thinking on his part. "Okay, well, I'll just look out for the verbal warning next time."

There is silence for a little bit, and again Vala's muscles relax. She's a great con woman, and she thinks she's succeeded.

But Daniel's entire life has been about the pursuit of truth, and nothing can keep him from finding it. "It's weird that Walter would just stop the newspaper, though. I mean, there were several series that it was right in the middle of. Siler had this great Wormhole Extreme fanfiction that I really wanted to finish," he says.

She climbs onto his lap, and tells him, "I'll tell you how it ended, darling. You and I had lots of sex, and made lots and lots of babies."

A shadow passes over his face quickly, and she knows it is the ghost of the women he's loved. Sara, because she is totally stealing a line from that girl's book by climbing onto his lap to get him to stop focusing on something, and Sha're, because she's the only girl Daniel ever considered actually having babies with.

And he couldn't.

She knows this, because she's read his journal, but she can't let him know that she knows.

She wonders. Will he ever love her like that? Or will she spend the rest of her life flirting with the man she loves… unrequited.

"Not going happen," he says, pushing her off his lap gently.

He's gloomy, but at least he's forgotten all about Walter's paper.

"Besides, there is no character in Wormhole extreme based on you."

"Well, dear, I _am_ a bit hard to capture."


	11. 1996

11.05.1996

I knew I never should have done it. I screwed my whole life up, just like Nick said that I would. I spent so much time on my little pet project that I sort of forgot to do the kind of things that could actually get published. You go for a while without getting published in this business, and you run out of grants. I held on as long as I could, trying to work on some side project to keep me afloat.

I remember my dad once said that the truth was the only drug that a person ever needed, and he was right. So no matter how hard I tried to avoid searching for truth, that is where my time went.

Publishing it was a last ditch effort. I thought if I published it, I might get another grant. At the very least, it got me into the conference. By the time that rolled around, I had been living in my office for almost two months. It was better than some of the foster homes I stayed at, but I knew it wasn't going to last. The grants were gone. The savings were gone. I was done with clinging on to a profession which wasn't paying me.

So I come out with my theory, like a giant revelation. I back it up with such careful evidence, that I don't see how it can be disputed. I am careful, oh so careful, to keep my hypothesis to what I know.

The pyramids are from a time before Egypt is supposed to exist.

The language and religion of Ancient Egypt is a copy of an older language.

Then, going back to my previous work, cultures on different continents interacted with one another, and spread their ideas.

Like a good scientist, I stick to the facts, let the conclusions be drawn by those braver than I.

-0-

When Catherine pulled me into the car I may have acted all stubborn, but it was the same kind of stubborn that kept me from bonding with all my foster parents all those years.

Yep, ever since Dr. Moon abandoned me I have had to be my own psychologist.

Well, when Catherine invited me into the car there was a moment of connection that I couldn't deny. It was like when Ms. Woods looked me in the eye (without all the creepy pre-adolescent romance). I just knew that this was a great opportunity.

07.11.1996

 _And now for that famous line:_ I'm never going to get paid.

18.11.1996

Stars! How simple could it get! The answer is that it's not a language, it's constellations!

20.11.1996

I can't believe that I solved in two weeks what it took them two years to solve. Maybe I have finally found something that I am good at.

Never mind about finally being good at something. I prepared for the whole "briefing" thing like it was going to be a grant proposal. Well, let me tell you that there were a lot more people here than would be here for a grant proposal. I don't even have enough visuals to hand out to every person.

I didn't know what I am supposed to say. I didn't know how I am supposed to act. I bumbled through the whole thing talking fast so that no-one cut me off before I get to the punch line.

None of it matters, though, because I am right, and here nothing matters so long as you are right.

Day One on Abydos

It was a bluff. I got them to come across the country on a bluff. I have no idea how to get us home, but I was so sure that I would be able to figure it out. Now I'm not so sure.

Day Two on Abydos

Married? I asked her. I couldn't believe it. I had never even imagined that someone would marry me.

I don't suppose it ever would have happened if it wasn't an accident.

She's beautiful, and it is so hard for me to keep being a gentleman about this whole thing. She wants so badly for us to be together, sexually. She thinks there is something wrong for a married couple that doesn't do that. But, it's just strange. I mean, she was given as a present, and I don't want to take advantage of her. How long is long enough?

Jesus, if she keeps making noises like that in her sleep it wouldn't be much longer. If only I'd spent more time learning about romance, then it wouldn't be so hard.

-0-

Don't leave without me, I beg you, Jack. Enough people have left me no more.

8th Day, 3rd Moon, Dry Season*

Well, I shouldn't have worried so much about when the perfect time came. It was clear enough when it arrived. She was asking me about her world, and I was telling her. She was nestled between my legs, and I was playing with her curly hair.

I hadn't told her anything about my childhood yet. I wasn't really excited for her to know that her husband was a loser. But she asked me some question, and I was so distracted by her… her smell, the feel of her soft soft skin… that I answered with honesty.

Then she looked at me, but it wasn't that hard look of sympathy that I was used to. It was more like the look that Dr. Moon gave me. A look more of understanding and empathy than pity. There was something else in the corner of the look, and it was a bit hard to name - hope, maybe.

And I knew, it was time to make her my wife for real.

12th Day, 3rd Moon, Dry Season

I was crowded close to the fire, trying to use the light to work on my English/Abydonian dictionary, and she stared at me from the bed. "Daniel, do the people on your planet never sleep?"

"Well, our sleep patterns are a little different than yours, because our days are shorter," I responded, without even looking up.

"You also work very hard on your planet," she complains.

"That's more of a Daniel thing than an Earth thing," I say, still not looking up.

The silence is what makes me finally make eye contact with her. "What is it?" I ask, putting the book aside.

"When I give you children, will you still look at the books forever?" she asks softly. We've only been married for a month, and already she's distressed that there isn't a little one on the way.

I stand up, and walk over to her. "Oh, my Sha're. I am so sorry if you feel like you've been ignored. You don't have to have my kids to get my attention. I'll pay attention to you right now."

She smiles at me paying down in my lap, "Danyel, tell me of the times when you longed for family."

I run my hand gently though her hair, thinking about how she is longing for family in much the same way that I used to be. Expect I was longing for parents, and she is longing for children.

21th Day, 1rd Moon, Wet Season

She's avoiding me. I know why. She does this every month when she finds out she's not giving me a baby. She thinks that I'm going to be mad at her, or maybe worse, that I'm going to stop loving her, slowly.

"Sha're," I say slowly as I come up behind her in the cave. She doesn't turn toward me, or really do anything to show that she sees me. I run my fingers through the curly hair of hers. "Honey, it's going to be ok."

She just turns to me and looks at me with pain. "Sha're, I'm so sorry. If there is anything that…"

"Let's not talk about it," she says.

She needs a distraction. "Okay, then, will you help me with my dictionary? Teach me more words of your language?"

She looks through me. I'm used to people looking through me as if I wasn't there, but I'm not used to that from my wife.

"It's going to happen, Sha're, but sometimes it happens easier if you aren't trying so hard."

I hold out my arms to her, and she goes into them.

Is life only longing? Is there never a time when you have achieved all that you have been longing for?

21st Day, 3rd Moon, Wet Season

A Kleenex box. Jack is coming back for me. I knew that I could count on him. Here on Abydos, I have friends and family for the first time that I can remember. But I can always do with more.

22nd Day, 3rd Moon, Wet Season

When Jack arrives, I greet him, but he doesn't even acknowledge that I exit. He just walks past me like he doesn't even see me, even though we bump shoulders in the process, and he gives Skaara a big hug.

Afterwards, he comes back to talk to me. I know that this is meant as some kind of guy bonding thing, but it hurts a whole lot more than I care to admit.

-0-

My theory about the planets moving is correct, at least according to Captain Dr. Carter. I really like being right.

-0-

Sha're is gone. Jack says we'll find her. If anyone can, he can.

-0-

I have to make the General let me go through the gate.

But he sees me, and he knows that I have nothing to offer. I can't fool him like I did General West.

-0-

She looks at me though my wife's eyes, but she is not my wife. She is moving my wife around, making all of her choices with me.

Something of the host must survive.

Oh, what a selfish thought that is! For her sake, if I only cared about her, I would hope that nothing would be left of her. She could be blissfully in field of rushes, or heaven, or nothingness, or whatever comes next.

But I want her to still be inside, because I want her to still be here on Earth with me.

But if something of the host survives, then whatever part that survives lives in eternal torment.

So my wish is selfish.

*Abydonian dating used in this chapter

 _-0-_

 _Jack's Smart Blond Joke:_

 _How do you keep a blond busy?_

 _Give her a Stargate._


	12. P3X595

_There is a journal for every planet, each are medium-quality leather, gone are the cheap composition books._

 _I'll just give you the ones that make me chortle. You're welcome._

P3X-595

I should have guessed that liquid had some kick. I mean, I can get drink off the fumes of a beer. I should have tasted it. But it didn't taste like alcohol, and I didn't get that light feeling in my head that comes right before the giggles.

I don't drink, because the sleepiness that comes right after is something I want to avoid at all costs. Stimulants, not depressants, please.

This stuff, though, had all the drunk high without any of the drowsiness, so it just went on and on.

I was sharing about my childhood, and no matter how much I tried to stop myself I just couldn't. I was telling them about every insecurity, every bad dream.

I suppose I kept going, because everyone was too busy to give me a look of sympathy, and I am years overdue with my therapy.

Jack doesn't talk when he's drunk.

Teal'c didn't appear to be inebriated at all.

Sam, though, was almost as much affected as I was. She was talking about astrophysics very quickly, and in a high pitched voice, sort of like a chipmunk.

I look over at Jack, and I can see that part of the reason that he wasn't talking is because he is watching her, and those are not the eyes of a commanding officer.

"It's hot in here, don't you think it's hot in here?" Sam asks.

"Yeah, mighty hot," Jack says, pulling at the collar of his BDU's.

Then Sam rips her shirt off. Jack and I are a bit stunned, but Teal'c, again, unaffected by the mysterious drink, simply hands her the shirt back, and says, "Major Carter, despite the heat, I think you would be more comfortable with this on."

She put it back on obediently.

Twelve hours later, when we are all coming down from our unnatural alien high, Sam looks over at me (God, why did she have to ask me?). "Did I take my shirt off at some point?"

I nod my head, blushing, and refusing to look her in the face.

There is silence, and when I look up I feel seriously sorry for her. She looks like she's going to die of embarrassment.

"Would it make you feel better if I took my shirt off?" Jack asks.

"It's not quite the same thing," she says with a laugh. How could he get her to go from humiliated to laughing so quickly?

"You're right. I don't have anything under my shirt that is nearly as beautiful as that bra," he says.

Um… so maybe the effects of the drug haven't worn off completely yet. But I look up at Sam's face, and she's laughing.

Notice - there is a bit more than a team relationship going on between these two.

-0-

It's weird not to own anything. I mean, as a foster kid, I never had a whole lot to my name. But right now… I have nothing in the world.

-0-

 _Jaffa Pledge_

 _Undomesticated equines could not keep me from your side._


	13. P3A577

P3A-577

So, Sam is a really beautiful woman. Obviously Jack's, but beautiful. I was focused on the brain before so I missed the body.

-0-

The best part about the Shabadi is the smell of the tents. It reminds me of Abydos. Who would have thought that I'd miss the smell of a rancid yak?

-0-

I was obviously not hired to be an anthropologist. Every time I say something anthropological Jack shuts me down. No, don't understand their culture. No, don't look at the artifact. Let's shoot them instead.

Why did I take this job again? Oh, yeah, broke and hopeless. And I need to save Sha're.

-0-

He tells me that if we don't find Sam, they will pay us for what she is worth. I tell her that isn't going to work, because we don't own our women.

I think about how much I would pay to have Sha're back. I don't own her, but I would give anything to have her back.

-0-

I have to explain why Carter is valuable. Okay, I'll have to go with some version of the truth that this man is going to believe.

She is powerful, and warrior, and…

How would you explain physics to these people? A shaman. Yeah, Sam's a shaman. She'll hate that.

She's a leader, too. How do you say leader to a Mongol? Chieftain, yeah, Jack will hate that.

Maybe it's a translating job.

I should probably ask somebody.

-0-

I knew that Dr. Carter was an amazing scientist, and the first time she took me into the gym to teach me some hand-to-hand techniques I knew she was a good soldier.

Today, I learned that she is also an amazing person.

That look of righteous indignation in her eyes when she says, "De opresso libre."

In school, we learned that you have to observe a culture without changing it. That's fine and good for an anthropologist, but I don't think I am one anymore. I've got to figure out what I am.

I'll tell you what Isis, in that old TV, show wasn't afraid of changing the world around her.

Of course, I'm no superhero.

You know, who else is more amazing then they let on? Jack. He takes care of his teammates. He wasn't like that the first time, you know. The mission was more important to him than the people, back then.

Here, he would have done anything to keep Samantha safe. I wonder if he'd do the same for me?

-0-

We discovered a new drug that is going to change the world. Of course, we can't tell anyone about it. Go figure. Story of my life. Taking this job means that I'm never going to get recognized for anything I ever do again.

And I still don't know what my job is.

-0-

 _Notice:_

 _General Landry's surprise birthday party is next Tuesday. This one is confirmed by Dr. Lam. Vala didn't just make it up._


	14. P3X797

P3X-797

I try to explain to Jack why the people in the land of the light think that we are gods. He loses patience with my explanation, or me, sometimes it's hard to tell.

He tells them that we are not gods. The focus on people. I need to focus on people more.

And figure out what my job is. It's definitely not explaining things to Jack.

-0-

 _Long excited rant about how he's discovered all the secrets of the Minoans. He longs to publish his findings, and is sad that he never can._

 _-0-_

As soon as Jack finds out that these people are of no immediate use to us, he doesn't want to have anything else to do with it. What exactly is my job if it is not to discover new cultures?

I try to argue the case with General Hammond, and do it so well that I don't even notice when I have won the argument.

-0-

Sam asked my advice on something technical with the gate. I ended up reading off some machine. So apparently part of my job is to be an engineer.

-0-

My commanding officer just beat me up for saying I "cared about" Sam. I knew she was taken! She's just my friend, for crying out loud.

Apparently the feelings were returned. Sam tried to "seduce" Jack. He called her Samantha. He did that another time, too, when she was wearing the Shabadian dress. Note to self, watch out for "Samantha"s, and never get that man mad again.

-0-

They came back for me. I was the only Earthling on that planet that needed saving, and they did. They saved me.

-0-

Fraser's a damn good doctor. She switched my anti-histamines, and now I don't have to sneeze every time I go through the gate.

Oh, and she saved the world.

Request next time this crazy job gets me hurt. What is my job again? Well, sometimes it means drawing blood.

-0-

 _Oma_ _Quote_

 _The one who travels farthest is the one who has never left his home._


	15. 3rd Intermission

"My turn for the dishes," Sam says cheerfully after the team night.

"There aren't any dishes," Daniel points out.

"Okay, then, the trash," she says, grabbing the pizza boxes and heading out the door of Daniel's apartment. When Sam walks past the bookshelf, Daniel's eyebrows knit together.

"What?" Vala says quickly standing up.

He doesn't answer her, but walks over to the shelf, and runs his finger along it. Stopping, just for a second at the place where she'd stolen a journal from not an hour before, even though there was no break in the shelf.

He turns to her, giving her a look that makes her cool thief exterior disappear. "Vala, you wouldn't happen to know where…"

Just then Cam pops back into the room, and goes, "Ready for the movie? Well, actually, it's a TV series I thought we could start."

"Isis," Teal'c perks up. Thank God he was the one to say it, because no-one else had the poker face for it.

"What?" Daniel says, shocked.

"See, it's about this school teacher who wears a magic necklace, and says some magic words, and…" Vala begins cheerfully.

"Yeah, I know, I used to watch this when I was a kid," Daniel says with a fond smile on his face.

"You're kidding," Sam says.

Damn, that girl has a poker face, too.


	16. P3X513

P3X-513

I don't get how Fritz let Hanson get away with this. How could an archeologist agree to let some military jerk play God?

-0-

How could Sam date a guy like this? She talked about having a thing for the lunatic fringe. I think I'm going to have to watch out for her if Hanson is any indication of her taste in men. Of course, I'm going to have to do it in a way that she'll never find out I'm watching her so that she doesn't kick my ass.

I'm also not sure if she realized that all the things that she likes about Jonas exist in Jack. I just hope he doesn't lose it and go nuts on us, like Jonas did on his team.

-0-

Part of my job includes educating a Jaffa on Earth culture. At least Teal'c seems to be interested in what I have to say.

-0-

I know what my job is. Turning people from false gods. Freeing them.

De opresso libre.

They use guns. I use words. We're a team.

-0-

Jack's Joke of the Week

Oma says, "If you can lift the field pack, you probably forgot some gear."


	17. P3X774

P3x-774

Just when I thought I had my job figured out, the Senator comes in and tells us that we need to be getting technologies, and not just exploring alien planets.

-0-

I died. I guess it's not really the first time. I wish I could remember something of the time that I spent dead. The time before the Nox brought me back.

I would like to know if there is something after. Sha're isn't dead, but if she were…

Almost any kind of afterlife would be better than the hell it would be to be trapped inside her own body controlled by a monster.

-0-

I could spend a lifetime studying about the Nox.

 _Judging by the amount of pages of field notes he acquired in such a short period of time I believe him._

It wouldn't be a bad way to spend a lifetime, studying people who could bring people back from the dead. I think what I would like most from the Nox would be to learn how to learn language like them.

Yet, we will probably not going to be seeing them ever again.

You would think making the discovery of a lifetime every time you turned around would be exciting, but really it is its own kind of disappointment. You never get to finish your thought. You never get to finish your research, have the whole thing lined up nice and neat on papers.

It is quick and dirty science, where you make all the guesses, and never back them up with any data.

-0-

Jack Joke:

How many scientists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fourteen- thirteen to argue about it, and Carter to get the job done


	18. P3X8596

P3X-8596

Danger is more dangerous when it comes in the form of a beautiful woman. And cake. Jack got married on some alien planet to a woman. While that might have worked out pretty well for Sha're and me, his didn't end so well. I guess the drug in the cake made things fall in somewhere slightly less than consensual. Then he got a disease, nanites in his blood from the sexual contact.

He's going to die, and we're not even allowed to fight against it. I understand that it's dangerous, that we could accidently infest the whole planet.

But it's not ok that he has to die knowing that no one is fighting for his life. He's done so much to save the world. He's saved my life more than once. He deserves better.

We said goodbye in a tape, but I didn't say anything that I really wanted to. Jack is not big on sappy sentimental stuff.

So I'm going to write the things that I wanted to tell him. He's closer to a father to me than anyone has been since I was little. I guess that would probably insult him, because until he got those little robots in his blood he was way too young to be my father.

He actually reminds me of my own dad. No mushy speeches, lots of respect.

The world is going to be a lot worse off without him.

-0-

Thank God we were able to save him. The world needs Jack O'Neill.

-0-

 _Notice: We are looking for information on when the relationship between Major Carter and Colonel O'Neill began. Clearly, the betting pool needs to be paid out now that the wedding invitations were sent out. If no evidence of the beginning of their relationship is established, we will have to go with the date of the wedding next month._


	19. 4th Intermission

"Jack," Daniel says in surprise as the older man enters his study.

"I brought cake," Jack announces.

Daniel blinks at him, confused. Jack doesn't live in Colorado Springs anymore, and when he did, he usually let the man work in peace. You grump at him a few times for interrupting his work, and he'll only drag you out for meals or sleep. Daniel glances at his watch. It's not time for either.

"Okay, why?"

"Because you're my friend," Jack says, plopping a piece down before his friend and climbing onto a stool in order to enjoy his own slice. Which he does, with sound effects.

Daniel racks his brain. He knows he's bad at holidays and birthdays. To make it worse, Jack tends to make up his own holidays. Or, at least, over-celebrate the small ones. Pi day is his personal favorite, and he holds a party every year.

"Okay, am I missing something?" Daniel asks, still leery.

"For crying out loud, this isn't a trick, I just want to spend time with my friend," Jack says in exasperation.

Daniel takes a thoughtful bite of his cake before asking, "Are you dying, Jack?"

"We're all dying, Daniel, but this isn't about any bad news," he says with a laugh. It's a sad laugh though. Has he really spent so little time with his friend that an impromptu visit causes him to be this suspicious?

"Am _I_ dying?" Daniel asks next.

"What? Why are you asking me?" Jack asks, now sort of enjoying the bizarre interaction.

"I don't know. I thought maybe Dr. Lam found something out at my last mission physical or something, and you came here to break the news to me."

"You are seriously a pessimist," Jack says out loud. Inside of his head, he thinks that it's probably not really pessimism when you life had been as hard as Daniel's has been.

Daniel takes another bite, studying the man before him. "Everything okay between you and Sam?" he asks. He knows that his two friends started dating a few months back. They are taking things slow, but are both so fully invested in the relationship that if anything were to go wrong with it, they would be crushed beyond measure. It could definitely explain his strange mood.

"Yeah, we're good," Jack says with a sparkle behind his eye.

"Okay," Daniel says, still studying the man before him.

Jack sighs, figuring that Daniel is not going to let up until he gives him some sort of an explanation, "I just miss my team ok?"

"I miss you, too, Jack," Daniel says with a big smile.

Good, Jack thinks. This is more what he came here for. Sam warned him when he told her this plan that it wasn't going to work. She said if he started saying warm and mushy things to Daniel, he would never believe him. Daniel said that he was like a father to him, though, and he feels like he's never been close to that role. If he knew… that he was the only family this kid had… well, he's got a hole in his life, too, and he should have had this conversation a long time ago.

"You know Charlie would be 18 by now, an adult," Jack says.

So this is an anniversary, Daniel thinks to himself.

Jack shifts on his chair, "I miss being a dad."

"It's not too late… you and Sam…" Daniel begins.

Jack waves a hand away. This conversation is not going like he wanted, "No, Sam and I aren't ready to even talk about that; besides, we're getting too old for the whole baby thing."

"No, you're not, Jack. You're super young for you age, and Sam is a lot younger than you are. Any kid would be lucky to have you. Besides, you could be a parent without the whole baby part."

"Yeah, well, skipping over diapers to get to baseball sounds pretty good, but that's not really what I'm talking about."

"Okay?" Daniel says still confused.

"Hell, Daniel, I just wanted to say that we're family. Like you know that I think of you as family, right?" Jack blurts.

Daniel blinks at him confused.

Jack rushes on, a twisting in his stomach comes with the worry that what he says is going to be rejected, or offensive to Daniel. Now he knows that Daniel probably feels this in his stomach just about every time he talks, and he is determined to lesson it. "I mean... You lost your parents really early. I know you're not a little kid anymore, but adults still need parents, and you missed so much. And I missed so much with my son. Right now, if he was alive, we'd be starting on this whole adult parent/child thing. I never get to have that now… with him."

Daniel stares at him in shock, realizing what the older man is saying.

"I'm not old enough to be your dad, but…" Jack says, really wishing that Daniel would jump into this conversation at some point.

"I'd be honored to have you as a father, Jack," Daniel says.

Jack makes a giant grin, before shoving half the cake in his mouth all at once. When he has swallowed all of it, he whips the frosting from the corners of his mouth, and says, "Daniel, you do know you're one of the most amazing people in the universe. I'm…" it still felt weird to say this to a friend, so it takes two tries, "I'm really proud of you."

Daniel looks down at the table awkwardly, still not sure how to take a compliment.

Jack pats him on the back, "Okay, enough touchy-feely for a while right now. I'm going to go do something manly and emotionally repressive."

Daniel laughs looking fondly after his… father figure… as his father figure makes his way toward the doorway.

Jack turns back, "I'll give you a call before long. Call me if you need anything. This includes emotional support, holidays… whatever you need. Seriously."

Daniel nods, and sits in his office for a long time, stunned, trying to remember what it was like to have a family.

Was it this… distracting?


	20. P3X974

P3X-974

Teal'c chose Sha're. There was a room full of woman, and he pulled her out, and that's why I lost her.

I understand why he did it. We talked about it. It was her spirit. If he didn't kill her, she was the sort of person who would rebel. You rebel, and you're going to get your whole world burnt to the ground.

He was trying to protect people.

I've worked really hard not to hold a grudge, because I know I sure as hell wouldn't want to have to make the choices Teal'c did. Who gets to live, and who gets to die. Teal'c has saved my life, and he works every day trying to save Sha're. On a good day, that makes up for whatever he did by choosing Sha're.

On a bad day, I'm still a little pissed.

So when we're faced with the choice… let Teal'c stay in that nightmare cave forever, or destroy my best hope yet of getting my wife back… it wasn't exactly easy.

Then he volunteers to stay. Just offers himself up like penitence for what he did to Sha're, and suddenly it is a whole lot harder to hate him.

He's my friend, and I can't leave him here. Jack calls him family, and then hands me the staff weapon.

He's right, it had to be me destroying the thing that could save her. Me doing that to save my friend.

-0-

Oma saying of the week:

She enters the water without making a ripple. She enters the forest without bending a blade of grass.


	21. P3X972

P3X-972

Catherine gave her life to the Stargate program. We've been going through the gate for six months, and we didn't tell her. There is no excuse for it. I should have told her.

We had a connection, and I've only really connected with seven people in my whole life. There is my team, and then there is my childhood psychologist, a grade school teacher, my wife, and her. I should have been more loyal to her. I owed her that. I should have been better.

This is why I'm incapable of a connection with human beings.

-0-

Ernest spent an entire lifetime on his own, with his work.

It's my biggest fear. My greatest dream.

No people. No rejection.

But… oh, how lonely.

-0-

"No price is worth obtaining if you can never share it." That has enough wisdom to ponder for a long time. Oh, it's not exactly the total knowledge of four races, but it's something.

-0-

 _Notice: Whoever stole the alien "giggle flowers" from the lab_ _,_ _please return them. We do not use alien technology for practical jokes. At least_ _,_ _not alien technology that is_ _non-renewable_ _._


	22. P3X866

P3X-866

They thought I was dead. They grieved for me. They had a memorial service with some sort of military honors which were profoundly un-me. Teal'c received the flag. Jack and Sam put a wreath through the gate. Jack hosted a memorial service where he beat the crap out of General Hammond's car.

Apparently Jack almost quit the Stargate Program. I can't even understand it.

I feel like this whole thing is a scene out of Tom Sawyer. Only, I wasn't hiding in the church rafters watching everyone grieve me after running away from home.

It's weird to think about how much they liked me.

My team cleaned out my apartment, went through all of my stuff. They were supposed to get rid of it all. They didn't, though. Sam took boxes and boxes of classified things to her lab at the SGC. Jack took everything else, and put it in boxes in his garage. Except the fish; Teal'c took the fish.

-0-

 _Jack Joke:_

 _So the Goa'uld, the Ori, and the Lucian Alliance walk into a bar. Then SG-1 walks in, and they all die._


	23. Hathor

Hathor

When they saw Egyptian things in a Mayan temple, they thought of me. So I haven't completely disappeared from academia. I don't know if that's a good or bad thing. Would it be better to be considered crazy or be forgotten completely?

-0-

I already knew it doesn't take much alcohol to affect me. Or maybe it's biological. Maybe I just have a bigger reaction to everything chemical. I mean, if I take a pain pill, it will usually knock me out for about a day.

So I guess I shouldn't be surprised that the nisma affected me more than it affected others. I mean, it is possible that she breathed more of it out on me than she did on the others. But it's also possible that I'm just weak.

It makes me sick to think of what she did it me. The physical flash backs are enough. But that's not all that I remember.

"Will you always honor us?" she asked me.

I told her I would.

"Would you die for us?"

I told her I would. The thought of dying for her, the thought of letting her kill me, made me happy.

She told me that she made the Goa'uld, and even though I still had enough with me to make that sink my stomach, there was a part of me that was excited about it.

She touched my face, removed my coat. I didn't move. I didn't try to stop her.

The she tells me that what happens here will result in more Goa'ulds. I lift my hand to try to stop her, but she just breaths more out on me. It stings my nose and throat, and by the time she finishes talking, my mind is screaming but my body has no objections.

She kisses me. It's not Sha're's kiss.

It takes four more bouts of nisma before she is able to finish the act. Even then I fought, knocking over a lamp in the process.

She's got Goa'uld strength, as well as the chemical.

Luckily, I don't remember a whole lot of the actual action. Sometimes, little bits of it come back to me in the form of a dream.

Sam told me that she came into the room and talked to me. I don't remember it. I don't even know how many hours passed with me sitting on the bed motionless.

I just wish she'd used a little more, enough that the memory doesn't come back even in sleep, maybe even enough that I didn't survive.

No, not that last bit. Not quite.

-0-

They were my kids. I mean, evil kids who were conceived in rape, and who would have grown up to kill, murder, and destroy the universe.

But they were mine, and they're dead.

-0-

When Jack found out that my DNA was all over Hathor's larva Goa'uld, he said, "Eww."

I was planning on talking to someone. Him, probably. Talking about a rape with Sam would be weird, her being a girl, and Teal'c could never really understand the being influenced by some kind of drug. So, I was going to talk it out like I used to when I was in therapy.

Where is Dr. Moon when you need him?

-0-

 _Notice: Betting pool for Siler's next infirmary visit is now open. Those of you who had electrocution on the last pool please see Walter for the pay-out._


	24. 5th Intermission

Something weird is going on. It might be aliens, Daniel thinks to himself as he looks up from the translation on his desk. A scientist has walked by his lab four times.

"Do you need something?" he calls out to her on her fifth lap.

She takes two quick steps into the room, blushes, and says, "I'm sorry to disturb you," before walking backward out.

Daniel jumps up, "It's okay, I wasn't really getting anywhere with the translation anyway. I could do with a break," he smiles.

She steps into the room, fiddling with her arms, and he tosses her the stress ball he keeps around for Jack. She takes it gratefully.

He just waits.

"Hathor," she says softly.

He blinks in surprise. "She's dead, though, right?"

The woman nods. He glances at her nametag as a reminder, "Linder". "Yeah, I just mean… Hathor hurt you, and… maybe you'd understand."

He takes a deep breath, and gets up to shut the door. "You want coffee?"

She shakes her head.

"What happened?" he asks.

"I don't… want to report it. I just want to talk," she explains.

He nods, "Ok, we can do that. I think it would be better if we tried our best to take the bastard who hurt you down, but if you just need to talk."

"It was a long time ago," she says, "High school."

He swallows, "Okay, if talking to me gives you some kind of healing, I would be glad to help."

She strangles the stress ball in her hand, and then starts the story.

-0-

An hour later, Airman Linder sweeps the tear-filled tissues into the trash can, and gets up to leave. She runs into Vala at the door, and blushes, fleeing from the other woman.

"What did you do to her?" Vala asks.

"Nothing," Daniel says, going over to his desk with an attitude which clearly begs her to drop it. His eyes are a little bit wet though.

Ah, this is probably a reaction to that nasty Hathor bit she'd just published in the journal. She actually really needed to have a talk with him about that, too. She plops herself down in the chair near his desk, "I had a dream last night."

"Vala, I so don't want to hear any of your dreams with not-so-hidden sexual metaphors," he says.

"Oh, in this one there was no hiding," she says.

He rolls his eyes.

"Wasn't a good dream though," she says.

He looks up at her with such grief that she wishes she'd waited longer to do this, but it's really too late for that now. She presses on nervously, as he stands up, and starts making coffee with his back to her.

"I hate nisma," she whispers.

He turns in surprise.

"I know the whole Hathor thing probably means that you hate it too, but when it comes out of your body... When something inside of you makes it, and controls others by it… It's even worse."

The coffee is percolating, and with his back to her, he says, "I bet." She gets the difference between sympathy and pity now.

"I raped them," she says.

"No," he insists, walking toward her, "Qetesh did."

"It was my body," Vala insists.

"She raped both of you," his brow furrowing at the thought, "All of you. I can't imagine what you went through. Hathor hurt me one time, one day, and I'm still not over it. For you, it was… years. How long was Qetesh inside you?"

"I lost count, decades," Vala says.

The breath leaves Daniel, and he finds himself wishing that he never asked that question. It's too horrible to imagine.

"But the nisma wasn't all the time. Goa'ulds view sex a little differently than humans do. For them, it's power, and torture, and reproduction. Once and a while she would use it to destroy some poor guy that defied her. But mostly, it was just this week-long ceremony once a year."

"I'm so sorry that happened to you," he says.

"I'm sorry about Hathor too," she says, and he can see that she is apologizing for all the men that Quetesh raped.

He holds his arms out to her, offering her a hug of forgiveness-by-proxy.


	25. PX8987

PX8-987

Jack knows astronomical terms. What?

-0-

An entire village - dead.

They knew it was coming. They were preparing for the end of their world. I told them that they weren't going to die. Maybe if I'd just stayed out of it they could have been ready. They could have prepared them spiritually for the end which really did come.

-0-

All that time that Teal'c and I spent practicing facial expressions (although creepy and frustrating) was totally worth it. That was a pretty human face he made to lure that little girl out of the bushes.

-0-

Seeing Sam as a mother - so natural. She's this tough as nails military officer/brilliant scientist. Not the kind of person you would think would be great at this, and she is. I just don't understand. If it's so easy to come by mother-type characters, why can't I get even one?

-0-

Sam is spending all of her time with the little girl, and I'm starting to worry about her. I mean, I love the dedication. I love watching her be the mom that I wanted all those years ago. I just worry about her, too.

So I waited outside the door with my journal, and I told her that she doesn't have to do this by herself.

I don't know if I would be capable of being a big part of this kid's life. I mean, I don't exactly have a lot of experience with family, and I'm still not sure I can connect with people. On Abydos I wanted to be a dad so bad. I figured Sha're would help me, she would teach me to be a father in the same way that she taught me to be a husband. I'm not sure if I could learn like this. Sam would just do it herself instead of teaching me.

-0-

If I didn't already have enough reason to hate the Goa'uld, a race that uses children as weapons is certainly the lowest ting ever.

-0-

I was so worried about who would teach me to be a father. I never took into account that it might be Cassie herself. She tells me what she wants me to do.

"Swing me, Daniel."

"I'm hungry, Daniel."

"The dog threw up, and it's gross, Daniel."

Besides, she's got Janet. Yet another mother-like character that I would have killed for when I was a kid. So if I mess up, she'll make it better.

-0-

 _Notice: Whoever gave Vala printing privileges, please revoke them. The SGC does not need to be covered by her not-so-funny signs. Your esteemed editor is/am no dictator._


	26. P3X7763

P3X-7763

I thought better of the people of Earth. I never imagined that they would use forced intellectual labor.

What would happen if I ever said 'no' when they asked me to do something?

Well, at least we helped the people of Tollan escape. I hope they and the Nox will work out well together.

-0-

Note to self: watch Sam around alien men, especially charming, intelligent, emotionally manipulative men that she finds funny. She could do with a bit of a big brother in her life - she does go for the lunatic fringe.

-0-

 _Oma_ _Saying of the Week:_

" _Staying constantly sharpened can wear on a blade."_


	27. P3X989

P3X-989

I know that I am Daniel Jackson. Yet I'm not. I'm a machine. Just metal, gears, and a brain downloaded in the form of binary code.

 _He crossed the above words, and all other musing of his robot self off. He obviously didn't consider them to be written by himself._

-0-

 _Notice: Level 14 is overtaken by truth serum put in aerosol form. Enter at your own risk._


	28. P3R233

P3R233

It's like one of those creepy dreams where everything is almost, but not completely the same. Catherine is there, but she's not myCatherine. She didn't accept me unconditionally at first sight. She's not with Ernest. She's not retired.

Jack's a General. George is a Colonel. Sam is a Doctor. Teal'c is evil. Everything is just a little bit off.

Sam and Jack engaged. Ok, so that wasn't so much a surprise as it should have been. The whole Sam's a doctor thing kind of gave it away.

Teal'c shot me. That shouldn't be a surprise either. I mean, he is the reason I lost Sha're. But he's not that Teal'c anymore, and actually he never really was. He did that as an act of mercy. It's odd to see someone you have come to trust so much do something so horrible.

-0-

How could they not believe me? I have been shot by a staff weapon, and they still seem to think that I am making all of this up. I thought I belonged here. I thought they had learned to trust me. I guess I was wrong about that.

-0-

Where is Sha're? We are on a ship; Aphophis is here; Skarra is here. Where is my wife?

Jack is trying to steal Skarra back. It should be my wife. I mean, I'm glad that we have a chance to get him back, but this is not the way that it's supposed to go.

-0-

A Goa'uld hand device on my head. Unbelievable pain. It was like my brains were being re-arranged. I was sure that I was going to die. There was some kind of surrender that I should have done. I should have given up, and died, but it felt like if I did that I would give up something else. There is a mental part of this, and the hand device is almost an interrogation device, only it's dreams and hopes that come through.

I thought I was going to die, and I almost longed for it. Then…well then Jack killed Ska'ra so that I could live. In the end of course Ska'ra got to come back to life. But still. It's the sort of thing which weighs on your heart a little bit.

-0-

I begged him to leave me. When did I go from begging people not to leave me to begging them _to_? I guess it was about the time that my team started meaning a whole lot more to me than my own life.

-0-

I helped to save the world today. I mean, it never would have worked if not for Jack and Sam and Teal'c. But I was part of the team.

I think my parents would be proud of me.

-0-

Jack called me Space Monkey. I had to look it up. It's some game that kids play where they cut off their air supply for a while so they can get high. He may think that I like all of this death or near death things that are always happening to me, but I really don't.

-0-

Jaffa Wisdom:

Ours is the only reality of consequence.


	29. 6th Intermission

"Daniel Jackson, have you not been sleeping well?" Teal'c asks from across the breakfast table.

Daniel shrugs. He used to try to hide things like this from his team, but by now they know all of his damage.

"I will come to your room tonight for a meditation session. I have found them very helpful in helping me get to sleep since I have begun needing sleep," he says.

"Thanks," Daniel says, but he doesn't actually have a lot of hope that it is going to work.

-0-

The two men sit across from each other cross-legged, or as Teal'c has begun to refer to them jokingly, 'Jaffa style'.

"No candles?" Daniel asks.

"Not when you intend to go to sleep. The leaders of this complex are opposed to unattended flame." Teal'c says.

Daniel takes the big deep trying to release his worries as Omma, and Teal'c have told him to do many, many times.

"I am sorry, Daniel Jackson," a strong voice next to him says.

"For what?" Daniel asks.

"For the harm that I did before I defected to your side. For choosing Sha're. For the version of me, in some other reality, which shot you with a staff blast."

"Ours is the only reality of consequence," Daniel says still without opening his eyes.

Teal'c makes a sound of assent, deep in his chest. Daniel wonders if humans are even capable of the wordless communication that Jaffa are so good at.

"On Abydos, they believe that at the end of your life they will weigh your deeds against a feather. But I think…maybe we need a different balance. I tell you Teal'c, if you put your good deeds on one side of the scale, and your bad on the other. It would turn out in your favor."

Teal'c breaths a deep meditative breath, "That is not yet true. I must save six more worlds, and about 4,000 more people before I have saved as many lives as I ended."

Daniel bites his lip staring at the man before him, "That's why you keep count?"

Teal'c nods.

"Still, decades in the service of Aphophis, and you've only been making up for it for a little over a decade. You'll get there." There is a pause, "Did you count the way we saved the whole galaxy with the Ori thing?"

"I did not," Teal'c replies.

"Ok, well, you probably should," Daniel points out.

Daniel moves into deeper meditation, and has almost reached the level of true calm when Teal'c speaks again, "You have suffered much."

"Not as much as you," Daniel says opening his eyes.

Teal'c gives his tiny barely a nod.

"You know, I'm really glad you're on our side," Daniel says giving the man a smile.

"I am honored to have fought by the side of a warrior as noble as you," Teal'c replies.

The talking changes to meditation, and the meditation turns to sleep. The next morning Daniel wakes up with his head resting on Teal'c symbiot pouch. Teal'c's giant arm is resting across Daniel's stomach. It is the best sleep either one of them have had in a while, but they're not exactly going to talk about it.


	30. P7J989

P7J989

If I had to pick one day to live over and over it would be the day Sha're and I played hookey from responsible adult life, and went on that crazy long walk to the oasis. Or, perhaps I would pick my eighth birthday party, the one where dad got someone to take me right into King Tut's tomb. I might even pick one of the crazy team nights with the SGC, so long as it wasn't one of them where we were all dealing with some big bit of trauma.

I'll tell you what day I would never pick. The day my parents died. Never that day. I've spent enough time re-living it in my nightmares, and in my conscious mind.

I kept re-living the day, over, and over thinking that I can do something, anything, to make it so it doesn't happen this time.

The first time all I do is scream. I'm so shocked by the horror of the thing that I can't really form a better response.

Thank God that Sam was here. It was bad enough to have had to endure it alone once.

I tried to get them to come to me because I was hurt. I told them that my leg was broken, and still…I couldn't save them.

My father called me Danny like I was still a little kid. There is nothing I want more than my parents to look at me as an adult, and tell me they are proud of me. My mind isn't even strong enough to let me pull that out of this fantasy.

I try again, the direct approach. I just grab onto their arm. It still doesn't work. I beg the gamekeeper to stop. I won't go through this hell anymore. I just turn away. I wouldn't watch this anymore.

-0-

I was sure that we were back. I was sure that we were safe. I was sure that we were home.

I was wrong.

I remember how Nick used to talk about how after you've had a psychotic break you can never trust your senses ever again. I know what he means. How do I know, right now, that I am in my base quarters? How do I know this notebook is mine, this paper?

How can I be certain that anything is real? For all I know I am dreaming in a tent on Abydos or a tent in Egypt or an office at a college.

Everything I have done in the last few years seams so strange and unreal that it would be easy to assume it's a dream.

-0-

Notice: Next week Thursday is confuse Carter day. There will be a planning meeting at 0900 in the briefing room (O'Neill will be running it by teleconference). She's getting a little suspicious of us making her devices give off readings that defy the laws of physics so let's see if we can come up with something else this year eh people?


	31. P3R646

P3r646

There is a woman on the cliff about to kill herself, and no one makes a move. Being a member of SG-1 has changed Sam. I don't know if it's for the better or for the worst, but she actually takes orders now. She's not about to do something stupid to save someone unless Jack tells her to.

Ok, so that may or may not have anything to do with taking military orders.

Anyway, I'm not going to let some young innocent girl die if I can help it.

After all I didn't let a cranky old soldier kill himself years ago, and he had a lot more reason to. Seriously? She's going to kill herself, because she's unlucky in love? I tell you what, I am so much less lucky in love than she ever was, and you don't see my jumping off any cliffs.

-0-

The punishment for saving someone's life is apparently life imprisonment in a mine. But actually, when does helping someone not end up biting us in the butt?

-0-

She has a crush on me. She's a princess, and she's young and beautiful, and she likes me. That's new, that's weird. I guess this traveling through the universe thing kind of turns girls on. If I actually had any idea what to do with one of them this might be a really exciting thing to realize.

Sha'ya liking me just feels weird. I'm not even that sure why it feels so weird to me, but it does. I guess it's probably because I'm married. That's a good enough excuse for someone giving me the hebbie gebbies. Or, maybe it's more than that. Maybe I already knew that she was bad news.

Note to self: trust your gut concerning women.

-0-

Ok, channeling Dr. Moon. I should probably talk about what happened to me when I was addicted to the stupid sarcophagus.

I don't want to. If I was nine I'd get all snide. But I'm not nine years old anymore, and no one is ever going to read this except for me. So, I'll just dive in, and be honest.

It made so much sense at the time. I was sure that for the first time in my life I fit in, I belonged. It was like I'd discovered the amulet, and gained superpowers like Isis in the television show. I was finally good for something. I was smarter, and stronger, and I wasn't so freaking weak.

The allergies are gone, and I didn't even have to take the giant horse pills from Janet.

I was sure that the love of Shay'a was real. It felt, at the time, more real than any love I have ever felt in my life.

But there wasn't just good things. There were bad things too. Every insecurity was multiplied by a thousand. I was sure that Jack didn't respect me, didn't even like me. I felt like in his eyes I was still that dweb that I was when I first when to Abydos.

I was really angry about Sha'are being gone, but it wasn't the kind of anger it normally was. I didn't want to go, and find her, and beat the crap out of everyone that got in my way. I was just angry, and I wanted to run away from it all, forever.

I said such horrible things when I was high. I was so mean to Sam. I said things to Jack that I seriously regret. I acted like Sha're was damaged goods that I didn't even want back.

I don't mean those things. I've never thought those things for so much as a second in my life. But in the second that I said them, I meant them with my whole life.

I'm ashamed to admit that I missed the high.

The withdraw, now that I don't miss. Me, the real me, started to come back. It was quiet in the back of my head, I don't think I ever said anything that would have let the people around me know that the real me was coming back. It was like I was screaming in the back of my head. Mostly about what an ass I was.

They had me tied to a bed, and I knew I was going to die. I was going to die unless I got away, and got back in that thing.

I hurt Janet. She's the best doctor I've ever known, and I threw her across the room like a rag doll. I punched some airman, twice as much as I'd need to if I was only interested in the escape.

God, drugs suck.

Jack found me. Curled in the closet like a wounded animal. A wounded animal with a gun. I was sure that he wanted me to die. I was positive that he was trying to kill me.

He told me that he knew what was happening to me. I looked into his eyes, and I know, he'd been there. I just start crying, and as soon as the gun is down he wraps me in a hug. I feel safe. The withdraw is still hell. I still think that I might die, but I no longer think these people are trying to kill me.

-0-

The withdraw is finally gone. Well, it's mostly gone. There is a persistent nausea that I haven't been able to shake. Still, I am well enough to go, and talk to Jack. I think there is a good chance that he's basically going to tell me "screw you, you messed up too much, and are off the team."

But he doesn't say that. No, he trusts me. He lets me go back to the planet, and make things right. Or at least as right as things can be after everything that I have done.

-0-

Notice: All spitball fights in the officer mess are to stop immediately. Or at least if you have them don't use forms you've requested from the desk of the editor of this paper. Or at the best least don't use once you've already started to fill out with your name, rank, and serial number. I'm looking at you Mitchell.


	32. P3X975

P3X-974

We go through the universe, trying to make it a better place. Most of the time I feel like we are getting somewhere. Then something like this happens, and it turns out that we made the universe a whole lot worse place.

Well, me specifically. I destroyed Thor's Hammer, and because of that, people died. A lot of people.

I hope they've got a really big feather when I get to the field of rushes, or else this heart of mine is going to tip the balance.

-0-

Jack is still very dismissive of my ideas. I told him about the Hall of Thor's Might, and he just made a dismissive comment about mythology. Sam says something to support my theories, and suddenly Jack is okay with the plan. I wonder what I could do to convince him that my work is important, is valid, should be listened to.

Join the military? Grow breasts? Well, neither one is going to happen.

-0-

Could they make the thing I had to walk across any thinner? Geez, even Indiana Jones got something with a bit more breadth to walk across. I think I held my breath the whole time that Sam was walking across. Than Gairwyn fell, and I realized that I had to help her. I realize that the point of this whole thing is altruism. Still, they had to do it in the most terrifying way possible.

-0-

The riddle of the runes was a bit more in my comfort zone, although it would have been pretty hard to solve it without Sam's help.

-0-

 _Notice: If you write a dirty poem on the wall of a bathroom stall in Goa'uld, it is still a dirty poem._


	33. Abydos

Sha're is right before me. In the tents where we ate, and slept, and fell in love. She's right there before me, and it seems like a dream, or a nightmare.

When I asked how long they'd been there for they said a season. It's the dry season, the longer season. She's been here, within reach for almost her whole pregnancy. Most of the time that Sha're has been away from me she has been here. She's only had to deal with the hell in her mind for half the time she's been away. Thank goodness for small mercies.

And something of the host survives. Like, all of it. She's the same Sha're that I loved all that time ago.

And I lost her again.

It's another one of those days that I'm going to replay in my mind for the rest of my life: like a broken record or a scene from the Gamekeepers. I should have taken her right away. I should have acted like a soldier instead of like a scholar. I should have dealt with the threat at hand instead of dealing with emotions. I should have thrown her over my shoulder like a cave man, and took her through the gate.

If I'd done that she'd still be with me. Oh, she'd be a Goa'uld in a cage. But at least she wouldn't have to watch her body committing horrible acts. I could have protected her from that. And maybe, maybe we could have found a way to save her.

Sha're thought that I was mad at her. That I'd stopped loving her. I should have told her about my own rape. I should have explained to her that I understood.

I lost her. It's my own fault that I lost her. I should have got her out of there right away.

-0-

I delivered her baby. The whole time I couldn't help but think about how it should have been mine. We tried so hard to have a kid for a year. She must have only been with him six months before she had a baby.

This kid should have been mine.

Sam asked me later about why I didn't make it mine. She pointed out that he was my step-child. True. But…somehow this baby doesn't belong on Earth. It is a child of two Goa'uld hosts destined to be a Goa'uld host himself. I'm going to protect him from that fate. But I'm not ready to be a dad right now. Not full time. Am I supposed to take care of a baby while I go through the Stargate and save the world? No, the kid is better off without me.

-0-

She looked right at us, but she said nothing. Something of the host survives. She's in there. Trapped in her own personal hell behind the eyes of a Goa'uld.

-0-

Notice: Next week Monday is the alien foods fair. Bring your favorite dish. Nothing with mind altering properties, please.


	34. P3C399

P3C599

The old man tricks me into switching bodies with him. It was something like when I wasn't in control of myself because I was addicted to the sarcophagus, and something like when Hathor breathed nisma out on me. I imagine it was just what Sha're feels every second as she looks outside of her eyes, and sees a Goa'uld performing her actions.

-0-

I can't believe how much Machello managed to charge at a dinner. Did he buy the whole restaurant?

-0-

I'm walking down the street and I hear the word, "Machello?"

I pause, turning and thinking that this was not a situation I would ever find myself in. "Um… Daniel Jackson, actually."

"No! I meet you last week. We had a meal together. You told me about your time in a war."

Ah, well I suppose this explains part of the big bill at the restaurant. "Last week I had an episode of sorts," I explained.

"I saw the policemen take you away. They just let you go free?"

"They did, once I was back to myself."

"I am most relieved," he says.

Suddenly I feel the urge to find out what Machello did when he was in my body. "Would you like to grab something to eat?"

"On you?" he says, like he is telling an inside joke.

-0-

 _Jaffa Threat:_

 _In my culture, I would be well within my rights to slay you where you stand._


	35. 7th Intermission

Jack arrives with cake in his hand and Sam beside him.

"Congratulations on getting engaged!" Daniel exclaims, giving them a hug, his pseudo-dad first, and then Sam.

"Well, it was a long time in coming," Jack points out.

"Not really, we've only been dating for a couple of months. It was actually insanely fast," Sam protests.

"Hey, Water finally paid out the pool on when you guys started dating. He never told us what evidence he used as poof though," Daniel prompts.

Sam grins, and Jack gives her a look that clearly tells her to shut up. She doesn't listen though. "It was the doodles on Jack's calendar. Lots of hearts with my name in them," she says with a laugh.

Jack shakes his head. "I cannot believe that you have a job where you have to keep secrets for a living."

"Oh, that was not a secret, sweetie," she says, grabbing onto his hand and giving it a squeeze.

"From now, on it's classified as 'top secret'," Jack replies, putting, three pieces of cake on the table before them.

"Ah, cake, are we going to have a serious chat, then?" Daniel asks, moving the cake a little bit, but not taking a slice off of it.

"Well, we're getting married," Jack points out.

"Yes… I'm aware. You have already asked Teal'c and I to be your best men," Daniel says.

"So this whole family thing we've got going on, it's expanding a little bit," Jack continues. "You've got a step-mom now."

"No," Daniel objects, at the same time Sam says, "Ew."

"We're family, but not like that. Sam's just about my age," Daniel points out.

"Well, that can be true of a step-mom too," Jack points out, with an exaggerated pout on his face.

"Right, but we just don't have that kind of a relationship going on. It's always been more of a brother/sister thing with us," Sam points out. In her head she is thinking about all the things he said about being her big brother and protecting her from all her bad choices in men.

"Well, that's a bit incestuous," Jack objects.

"Actually, it kind of works. In the Ancient Egyptian society, it was not unusual for people to marry their children or siblings," Daniel says in his typical fast speech that he uses when he thinks Jack is going to cut him off in the middle of a sentence.

He is not disappointed Jack cuts him off by pointing a finger at him, "There are a couple of problems with this. One, I am not a Goa'uld. Or an ancient Egyptian. Two, Sam is _not_ my daughter!"

Sam and Daniel's eyes meet with a laugh contained in them. "Definitely brother/ sister," Sam agrees.

"Fine, we'll switch to a brother thing," Jack says, somewhat reluctantly.

"Nope, you already adopted me, you can't go back on it now," Daniel says, grinning.

Jack knows exactly what they are doing to him, "You guys are sick," he mutters in surrender as he shoves a large bite of cake in his mouth.

"We wanted to talk to you about our plans for after the wedding," Sam says, brightening up at the last word and grinning. She never did that when she was engaged to Pete.

"I so don't want to be involved in your plans for after the wedding," Daniel teases.

"Oh, no worries about that. Our family isn't _that_ incestuous," Jack says putting an arm around Sam jealously, "We're not talking the night after. We're talking about the future, about kids," he face goes serious.

"Oh, and you want to make sure big brother isn't going to be jealous?" Daniel teases, his face obviously showing happiness.

"We're thinking 'foster kid'. Old enough to have given up on ever getting out of the system," Jack says, looking Daniel in the eye.

Daniel has to take a few steadying breaths before he can speak without his voice shaking. He looks each of them in the eye full of gratitude, "You guys will be great at it." It's as close to traveling back in time and giving the eight year old Danny a hug that they'll ever be able to do.

"Thanks," Sam says, looking down. Still insecure in her own motherhood, even after taking Cassie under her wing after Janet's death.

"We, ah… wanted to include you in it, though. I mean, you obviously have some experience in the area. We think our kid would really benefit from a… ah… Uncle Danny figure in his life."

"Or her," Sam cuts in with a cough.

Jack glares at her, this argument obviously already in full swing. Yeah, these are not exactly the sort of people who should be trusted with the ability to make decisions about their children's gender.

"Anyway, the point is, we wanted to see if you would be interested in helping us out. Some light babysitting, occasional bedtime stories, and some bonding over common trauma," Jack says.

"I'd be honored," Daniel says softly.

"There's a bit of a legal snag with all of this, of course. In order to watch a kid in foster care, you have to be qualified to be a foster parent. So… we're starting classes next week, and we were wondering if you'd come with us."

"So, you want to be a group of three working toward getting a kid?" Daniel asks.

"And he makes it sound all weird again," Jack mumbles, "Look, we're not trying to make this into a freaking orgy. We just want to make sure that the kid is all right!" Jack explains.

Sam puts a hand on Jack's arm, "We've got to tell him the other part of it."

Jack closes his eyes in a long blink, and then nods.

Sam shifts on the lab bench a bit awkwardly. Apparently she hadn't expected to have to share this. "Daniel, Jack is a bit worried about his age."

"That's why you're getting an older kid, right?" Daniel says, not sure why this involves so much fidgeting.

"Right," Sam says, "But also. He's a bit worried that he's not exactly going to be 'fun daddy'. He wants to be sure that if he gets too old to play with the kid before the kid gets too old to play, that you are going to step in and play with her."

"I'm not so much on the game thing, I think Sam would be better with that," Daniel says.

"Just do what you do with Cassie. If I can't. I want the kid to have two people to play with him," Jack says.

Daniel nods.

"And then there is my age, and the fact that I used to smoke, and my take-out diet," Jack stammers.

Sam gives the hand still resting on her fiancé's arm a quick squeeze, "Basically, he's worried that he's going to die before the kid grows up, and if he does, he wants to make sure the kid still has a father-figure in his life. Someone the kid already knows before that happens, because this kid would have already lost enough."

"To be clear," Jack points out, "This doesn't give permission for you to be with Sam."

Sam rolls her eyes.

"What?" Jack says, "He said siblings getting married, as well as parents and children in this sick little story of yours. If I die, you're allowed to get married and be happy again, but not with my friends. You're not allowed to marry Teal'c, either."

She rests her head on his shoulder, "I'm pretty sure my first marriage is going to be my last," she says.

Jack pulls Sam a little closer to him, and Daniel can't help but grin at the two of his friends being so happy after so long of denying themselves.

"Don't worry, Jack, I have absolutely no desire to marry your girlfriend," Daniel says. He looks at them fondly, "I like you together."

"So do I," Jack admits with enough feeling to make Sam blush.

"So, foster care classes?" Jack asks.

Daniel nods, and Jack passes a card across the table, "You can call our social worker and set it up. There will be lots of things like paperwork, and home visits, and whatnot."

"Is the background check going to be an issue?" Daniel asks, knowing that there were a lot of things on official records that were not quite accurate. More so for Sam and Jack than for himself. They could never be honest about what they did for a living, unless they were very, very general.

"I've already got guys at the Pentagon making sure it will raise no eyebrows," Jack says.

Daniel takes a bite of cake before he says, "So, now that you're getting married, and having a kid, where you plan on living?"

Jack grins, and glances at Sam, obviously asking permission to tell him. She looks at him clearly thinking that he's acting like a little kid. Then she nods. "They're putting Sam in charge of a flying city," he says with a huge grin.

Daniel stares at her, "You're going to Atlantis?"

"Yes," she says, grinning back at him.

"No, you can't come too," Jack says to Daniel.

"But…" Daniel begins. He can see that Jack is about to interrupt him again, so Daniel rushes on, "Okay, so you're going to be allowed to take a foster kid to Atlantis?"

"No," Jack says.

Daniel looks at them, confused for a few minutes, and then he gets it, "Ah… so you want me to be a substitute mother for the kid more than an uncle."

"Pretty much," Jack says with a grin, "This is what happens when you make our family so twisted."

Sam rolls her eyes, "Not mother, exactly, no. Jack's going to be in Washington D.C. with a kid, and I'm going to be in Atlantis doing the long-distance mom thing. We're just hoping you can be a long-distance uncle, and maybe fly in for a weekend now and then."

"Okay," Daniel says.

Jack takes another giant bite of cake, "Eat up," he urges.

Same looks at her cake critically, "I think being part of this family is going to make me put on some weight."

"That happens when you become a mother," Jack points out, earning him an elbow in his side.


	36. 1969

04.08.1969

Right now, I am four years old in Egypt. My parents are still alive. I really want to go there, and stop them from dying, but there are a lot of problems with it. First of all, I'm not sure that I could convince them. It didn't work in the Gamekeepers mind, and I haven't come up with new plans since them. Second of all, there is no way that I could get there in the time allotted. I would have to stay here forever if I save them. Third of all, there is no way that Sam would ever let me get away with it. It would mess up the whole space time continuum, or something.

But also, I don't really care. I want to save them. It couldn't knock the world off its axis too much just two little lives saved.

I can save the whole world, but I can't save them.

That's not even mentioning all the ancient civilizations that I could visit. Isn't time travel the archeologist's dream.

-0-

Omma Quote:

Those who know don't talk. Those who talk don't know.


	37. PY3948

PY3948

Nick once told me that the worst part about being crazy was knowing that you were crazy. I was only a little bit worried when I heard a voice saying my name in the locker room. But when I saw a stargate in my closet it was time to get pretty worried in deed. I knew it wasn't real. I knew that there was no way there was a guy grabbing me out of the locker.

There has to be some explanation. I work for the Stargate program, and really weird things have happened, things way weirder than this. Jack doesn't believe me.

I would believe him if he told me something this odd.

-0-

They are shutting down the gate because of me. It's the most amazing thing that has ever happened to humanity, and it's over because I went crazy.

I opened this gate, and now I am going to be the reason that I closed it.

At least they haven't shut me up, or locked me away yet.

My current plan is just to pretend that none of this is happening. I am just going to go about my business like nothing is wrong. If I try hard enough they are not going to notice.

That is until a Gau'old starts to threatened my friend. Am I really supposed to sit here, and watch that thing slither all over his arm? I sit there focused calmly telling myself that it isn't real as long as I can, but in the end I have to try to wrestle it out of his arms.

Just like the last time, I fall to the floor when it's done, and by the time I wake up I'm already on a transport.

They had to ship me off after all.

-0-

They come and visit me in the nut house. I'm so embarrassed that they have to see my like this. I can't see their faces well enough to see if there is pity or empathy on their faces.

I apologize for being crazy, and I can hear in Sam's voice that it is empathy.

I still tell them, that I'm not just crazy. There is something that brushed past me, there is something inside of me, and I can feel them coming. I know they are.

Teal'c tries to assure me that I am among friends. Jack uses his Colonel voice which should be enough to snap me out of it, but it isn't.

And then I see him. I know he's not there. I know that no matter what they do they are not going to see him. I laugh at how ridiculous it is. I point. I try to explain to them, but I know that it's not real.

I try to rush forward, to explain it to them, but they don't believe me. Something goes into Teal'c but they don't believe me. I hear Machello's voice, but all they do is shoot me full of drugs.

Dr. Moon they are not.

-0-

I wake up, and my mind is clear. Well, that's not accurate perhaps. But the cloudiness is not caused by not knowing what is real and fake. It's the medicine induced cloudiness of drugs. I need to clear out my head. I can't think. I can't walk.

They want to give me more medicine. I know that they could hold me down and shoot it into me, so I try to explain it them. I try to talk clearly, but I know it doesn't work. I don't have a clear enough mind. They want me to be calm, but I feel like I have to move, I feel like I have to walk.

I try to calm myself. I try to sound calm, and rational.

I know the story is crazy. I'm explaining how a dead alien spoke to me. I see how they don't believe me.

I know my angle, I know how to convince them. If Teal'c is sick, they have to let me talk to Jack.

McKenzie is no Dr. Moon, but he is willing to at least do that for me.

-0-

Jack thinks that I am crazy, but he still treats me like a human. That shows the measure of a man.

They listen to me. _Jack_ listened to me. I guess I didn't need to join the military, or grow boobs to get respect from him. Oddly enough, I just had to go nuts briefly.

-0-

The test results confirm that I am fine. I knew I was fine. I knew I wasn't crazy, but it is an unbelievable result to find it out from a reliable source.

-0-

Notice: SGC Paintballing next weekend. We've reserved the whole place, and the workers will be at home during it. So bring your best "Enemy of the SGC" outfit, and let it all lose.


	38. P4X303

P4x303

It's the find of a lifetime. The kind of thing I dream about (on the rare occasion that I actually have good dreams). It's something that is untouched. It's like we're in the Valley of the Kings before there was ever a grave robber or archeologist. It's a fresh dig, not something that is picked dry. I never thought I would be lucky enough to find something like this. Untouched and pure.

Maybe, sometimes, in this job I actually get to be an archeologist.

-0-

Now I see what the cost of advancement is. Yes, they were able to make their society grow rapidly, but what was the cost? They turn their children into vegetables.

For so long, I have said that we cannot interfere with the way that other cultures do things, but this is beyond the pale. We can't let this happen to them.

No matter how much I argue with them they don't see. They don't understand. You can't change a whole society with words-most of the time.

-0-

Jack stole her. He took the girl away, on some crazy "fun" adventure. He changed their world. He taught them to laugh.

Sam's morality has rubbed off on him, as much as his leadership and courage have rubbed off on her.

A good friend makes you better.

-0-

Jack's Earth Rule:

Every kid needs a dog.


	39. P3X911

P3X-411

I thought that Teal'c was dead. It was unsettling, because he is the strongest person that I know.

-0-

Here I am, going head to head against Jack again. He doesn't want to risk his team, not when he can get out. But I'm not about to let them drill a hole in her head if there is any chance that I can stop it. At the very least we can take them back to Earth. That way they are going to get to live out their life happily.

Jack doesn't exactly let me win the argument. But at least, when I insist, when I charge off on my own, he follows me.

I'll keep that tactic in mind for the future.

-0-

 _Oma Saying:_

" _Water is the softest thing, yet it can dissolve a mountain."_


	40. P3X873

P3X-873

She is gone, dead. Sha're is gone forever.

I know that Teal'c was only trying to save me. I understand his actions. I even forgive his actions. But that doesn't stop me from being angry about them.

I couldn't save her. I had one job in the world, and I couldn't keep my wife safe.

Amunet said that Sha're was weak as she tried to kill me, but I know that she is wrong. I know that my wife is strong. She is so strong that in those final moments in her life, moments when we were linked together by the ribbon device, Sha're was able to speak to me.

She gave me visions where she was trying to give me a message, visions that I kept confusing with reality.

It's like a last will and testament delivered by the means of technology I can't even begin to understand. She wants me to go on living, keep going through the stargate, keep searching for her son. She wants to give me a purpose for living.

Jack asked me, in a dream (thank goodness Sha're kept me from being snotty to my friends in reality) if I would miss him. I said no. I told him that I wouldn't miss either him or Teal'c but only Carter. It's a lie. At times I am not sure if he appreciates me, or respects me, but I would miss him if he wasn't here.

I wish that Teal'c had chosen to kill me instead of her. I would rather be dead than have her dead. He should have known that. I understand that even if he'd chosen her we might not have been able to save her. Taking a Goa'uld out of someone is not an easy feat. Still, I would have chosen her over me any day of the week.

Still, I can forgive him. I would choose to save Teal'c instead of his wife. I'd pick Jack over Sara. That's the way that this friendship works, this friendship that is more than family.

-0-

In the dream I said goodbye in a way I will never get to in reality. I weighted her heart against a feather. I spoke the Abydonain funeral rights, as ancient as ancient Egypt, probably, a lot more ancient than that based on my own theories.

It is a beautiful ceremony, but it isn't real. It's hard to say goodbye to someone who talks to you face to face only a moment latter.

At the very least, I got to give her a goodbye kiss, even if it is in a dream. The "I love you", that was real. There was no dream in that.

-0-

 _Notice: The anniversary of the finding of the Stargate is Thursday. There will be a celebration in the officer mess and the mess hall._


	41. P2Q463

P2Q463

Kira's amazing. The first minute that I meet her she is saving a life without any supplies. She's beautiful, poised, and articulate.

Technically my wife has only been dead for around a month. That's fast to be interested in another woman. But really, she's been gone for three years. So it's not crazy to want to move on. I think that I need to move on.

As soon as she gets me alone in a room she begins to make passes at me. I tell her no, I explain about Sha're. She just kisses me, and it feels right. I missed this. I missed this a lot.

-0-

It's a cruel joke. It's the first time I'm with a woman since my wife, the third time I'm with a woman _ever_ , and it turns out that she used to be evil-the destroyer of worlds. I slept with the freaking destroyer of worlds.

Except she's not. Kira and Linea are different people. I know they are. One of them is good-she helps people, the other is evil-she kills them.

I go and lie to her. Tell her that it's a quarantine. I'm not about to inform her of who she used to be. It's not her fault, and I won't let her carry that around in her heart.

She knows something is up. She knows that we don't trust her anymore.

Teal'c doesn't want to leave me alone with Kira, but I manage to convince him to stay outside the door. I have to go in alone. She's figured it out. She knows who we think she is. I have to convince her that it is true. I assure her that she is wonderful. Still, she wants to take the antidote. She wants to remember. I can understand that, but if she ever took it she would become someone that she is not.

She's dangerous enough as she is.

-0-

I almost let her go. She almost fooled me.

Then, "All debts have now been paid."

I caught her right before she tried to kill herself. What kind of guilt must exist in a heart of a good person who has done so much harm?

She tells me that one person cares for her more than any other person, and then she threatens me. I offer her another choice, another way.

Part of my job is apparently talking people out of committing suicide.

-0-

Notice: We've got another uninhabited planet to name. Please submit your suggestion to Walter. _No movie references please!_


	42. P3X818

P3x818

I was so excited when I saw Skarra alive and well. We had a chance to get them back. I really hope that our argument was good enough.

-0-

I am so relieved that we get to bring him home. You have got to love the Nox.

Not only did they give Ska'ra back to us, but they also ensured that the Goa'uld weren't able to take out the entire world of Tollan.

-0-

Jack Joke:

If at first you know the candlelight is fire. Then you understand basic physics.


	43. 8th Intermission

Daniel walks into the officer mess expecting it to be a regular day. Instead he sees a party. Right, the anniversary of the day the Stargate was found back in 1928. He sighs to himself, knowing that he was really bad at remembering anniversaries.

Still, he used to be in touch with the happenings of the base. Ever since Walter stopped making that newspaper he had no idea what was going on. Probably, he had only ever found out about these things by accident. The newspaper had been made for other people, important people, people they actually wanted to make sure got the news.

He'd only ever known what was going on by accident. The newspaper had been a way for him to eardrop on them.

"Dr. Jackson!" an excited linguist whose name escaped him at the moment declared calling him over.

He pushes up his glasses, slaps a fake smile on his face, and joins the party with his body if not his heart.

Sometimes Daniel wonders if he's ever going to find a place in this great fast universe where he can feel like he belongs.


	44. P9Q292

P9Q292

Finally a clue! I told Sha're during that strange communication we had right before she died that I was going to search for her child. I really didn't have a way to find him before now, but now we have a way to find Kheb.

-0-

I know that Kheb wasn't what Jack was expecting when we came here. I was a little bit less surprised. I'm used to things that are slow. I'm used to knowledge that takes years or decades to reach. I miss that kind of knowledge. It's so much better than pat answers.

It's just that when you are on SG-1 you don't have any time for slow answers.

-0-

I found him. I held him in my arms. He is Sha're's son. He should have been mine. I should have made him mine, preferable right after he was born. I never should have let someone else take care of him.

But he's safe now. I know that he is a lot better off with Omma Desala than he ever was with me. She has powers that I can't even begin to fathom.

I hope that Sha're would count that as the keeping of a promise. He is safe.

-0-

Jack trusted me. He put down his weapons when I asked him to. He really does respect me. It also resulted in my saving his life, so I hope he remembers that the next time he contemplates whether or not to listen to me.

-0-

Notice: It's time to move the locker that this esteemed newspaper is kept in once again. Tomorrow the locker you got this newspaper from will be locked, and for the personal use of an individual once again. Please go to locker number 45-962. It will be jammed open, and the daily editions of the newspaper will be inside. Remember, if you know someone who is off world today, please make sure they get the message. Please, do NOT pass on this message to Dr. Jackson until after Vala's series has ended. Thank you.


	45. P7X377

P7X377

They found a crystal skull just like the one that Nick found when I was little. I know that he always swore he'd used it to transport across the galaxy. Even after I joined the Stargate program I didn't believe him. What he said just didn't make sense.

Now it turns out that the whole thing might be true. If it turns out that what he said happened really did I am going to have to find a way to sneak, and tell him.

-0-

I don't know what made me stare into the eyes of the skull. It was stupid. It was risky, and I couldn't help it.

-0-

No one could see me. They walked right through me as if I wasn't even there. I could make them feel me, but I couldn't make them see or hear me. My whole life I have felt invisible, and now I really am.

-0-

Janet told me that Nick missed me, that he wanted me to visit him. I never knew. Nick hasn't wanted to see me in a very long time.

He says that he misses me.

Neither one of us ever believed each other's theories.

Nick tells his story like he had many times. When I ask a question he answers it, but it seemed like just a coincidence.

-0-

When I was invisible I hear General Hammond on the phone to his granddaughter. He's canceling on them so that he can look for me. He called me a close friend not once but twice. Does he really think that much of me?

-0-

Nick could see me the whole time, but he thought I was a hallucination. He said that he was sorry for not adopting e. I worked through this all with Dr. Moon long ago. I recite the answers that Dr. Moon taught me. It wasn't my fault, I was a child. He was traveling the world. I understood.

But I'm glad he finally said he was sorry, said he missed me, got to see what I am doing. Know that I am not a failure, that I am not crazy, that he is not crazy either. It was good to know these things, even though he left me again.

-0-

He could have hugged me before he left, but at least he gave me an "I'm proud of you," and he let me call him Grandpa.

-0-

Notice: Sparring tournament will begin tomorrow.


	46. P4X277

P4X227

I just want to point out for the record that I was right, and Jack was wrong. I knew that there was something fishy going on. Alair wouldn't answer my questions, and I knew that meant that something was wrong, but Jack just told me to shut up. He kept pointing out what a good deal we were making. I didn't want to dive into something that would be morally questionable.

Well, it was way beyond morally questionable.

We helped people who poisoned their entire planet in an act of genocide. We might have continued to help those horrible, horrible people if I hadn't asked questions.

Maybe now Jack will let me finish my sentences.

-0-

Crystal Alien's Quote:

"The enemy of my enemy is my friend."


	47. Armbands

I have always been able to read faster than most people, but when the Tok'ra came along, and put the Atonic armbands on me I suddenly I could do a week worth of work in a couple of hours. I might actually be able to keep up with the discovers that we make in the place. Goodbye backlog.

-0-

I feel like a superhero. It like the little 5th grader who loved Isis is having all of his dreams come true. I have superpowers.

-0-

I got into a bar fight. Someone called me a geek, and for the first time in my life I could actually do something about it.

-0-

Notice: General O'Neil and Colonel Carter's wedding will be tomorrow afternoon at the Carter residence.


	48. 9th Intermission

Sam stands before the mirror biting at her lip. Vala steps between her and the mirror with a tube of lipstick to fix it up. "What are you nervous about?" Vala asks.

"It's my wedding day," Sam says with a giggle.

"So, it's not like you haven't had sex before," Vala says.

Sam rolls her eyes, "That's not the only reason someone would be nervous on their wedding day."

"Right, I forgot that you've got a little run-away bride thing going on. You've left two engagements, right?" Vala finishes up the lipstick, and perches herself on a vanity to admire her friend in her long white lacey wedding gown. "Ok, so what is freaking you out about marrying the General?"

"Nothing. I love Jack," Sam says gnawing at her bottom lip.

"Then stop ruining my make up job," Vala teases.

"Forever is a long time," Sam says.

"Not necessarily, he's old," Vala teases. Then she sees by her friend's face that it is not time for teasing. "Sam, how do you feel when you're around Jack?"

Sam grins.

Cassie squeals.

"Ok, then you get to feel like that forever. That doesn't sound so bad," she says.

There is a knocking on the door, and Daniel's tentative voice, "Do you have your clothes on?"

"Yes, come in," Vala says.

The door starts to open, but then Daniel pauses, "Sam? Is she lying?"

Sam laughs, "No, we're good."

Daniel opens the door fully, and for a second he's stunned by her like he was when she tried on the dress in the land of the Shabadi so long ago. Then he comes out of it, "So Jack has a note for you," he says offering it to her.

Sam grins as she grabs it from him, and unfolds it. "This is the one you go through with. I love you, always."

Her heart swells within her, "You got a pen?" she asks Daniel.

"A pen? No," he says padding his pockets in vein.

"I don't think I've ever seen you without a pen before," Vala says pulling one out of her purse, and handing it over to Sam. "Maid of Honor, ready for anything," she says as if she's just announced she was a superhero.

Sam scribbles on the back, "Indeed. I love you too, forever."

She hands it back to Daniel. He gives her a quick grin, and moves in for a hug.

"Ahahah, no mussing the bride," Vala objects.

Sam pauses at the beginning of her words, but as soon as she hears what Vala plans on saying she rolls her eyes, and hugs him. "Some things are worth getting a little mussed up for," she says.

Vala swoops in to straighten out Sam's bodice which the hug has most definitely but out of alignment. Vala grabs at Sam's breasts, and pulls until just the right about of cleavage is showing.

Daniel is mesmerized by the action, and stands motionless until Cassie's laugh breaks the spell. Then he turns bright red flushing.

Vala rolls her eyes muttering to Sam, "Guys are just way too easy."

-0-

Jack fidgets at the end of the aisle. Daniel bumps his shoulder against his friends in an effort to calm his friend down. Jack can't help but think about how Sam has walked away from marriage not once, but twice.

Then he hears a gasp from Daniel, and looks down the aisle to see its cause. It's Vala in a very short, very tight, little purple bridesmaid dress.

He is thankful that when he catches sight of Cassie a moment latter she's wearing a slightly different style of dress, a little bit longer, and a lot loser.

Then there is the rustle as everyone rises to turn toward Sam. Then Jack's heart stops for a second.

He can't believe she's marrying him.

She looks a little uncertain, and he gives her a wide grin. She grins back, and picks up her pace a little as she walks toward him.

-0-

After the third double innuendo joke Sam puts the end to Vala's bridesmaid speech by pulling her into the chair, and taking away the drink.

Cassie stands up, and gives some brief speech about how much she loves both of them, and how glad she is they are together.

Daniel has the floor now, and he stands up, "SG-1 is way more than a team. We're a family, and that's pretty nice, because many of us are a little bit light in the family department. I have watched these two since the very beginning. I watched at the two of them began to respect each other professionally. I watched them begin rubbing off on each other. Sam's sense of humor has increased, and she became a leader because of him. Jack became more compassionate, and learned a lot about science (although he'll still pretend he knows nothing). I watched both of them come alive, because of their jobs, and our team. I watched them work together for years. I watched them fall in love, and ignore it so they could keep saving the…nation. And now, they have found happiness with each other. Good for them," he says lifting his glass into the air.

"Indeed," Teal'c says by way of his whole speech.

-0-

When Sam goes to toss the bouquet there are not that many girls in the audience. Mostly, it's people from the SGC, and Sam's brother and his family. Neither Sam or Jack has ever had a life outside of the SGC.

So Vala catches it. Daniel thinks she's going to make a joke of it, and she does. But there is one second first when her eyes have a crush of defeat in them. Then she saunters up to Daniel and says, "You can't argue with Ta'uri, tradition," as she slides her hand between his tie and shirt. He lets her, doesn't even push her away, because he knows she needs to save face right now.

-0-

"I believe it is a Ta'uri tradition for the best man, and the bridesmaid to dance together," Vala points out.

"So dance with Teal'c," Daniel suggests.

"Cassie already has that covered," she says holding out her hand to Daniel.

He sighs, glancing over his shoulder to ensure that it's true. But takes the hands, and pulls her into a dance. It's a waltz, and it's clear that they don't have that sort of a dance on any of the planets that she is familiar with. Daniel really hasn't spent much of his time dancing before, so he's a bit clumsy as well. He's close enough to smell her. Typical for Vala it's a mix of a bunch of different scents. But he likes it.

"I love weddings," she says as she sways in his arms.

He laughs a little, and she's close enough to feel it rumbling in his chest. It makes her knees feel all weak, and she feels a little bit guilt for tricking him into this.

"So how many weddings have you had?" he asks.

She pauses wondering if she should tell him the truth or not, "Just Tomin."

He nods, but he's not sure if he believes her or not. That's the danger of lying to someone a lot. Well, the danger, and the privilege. If you lie to someone enough, and you say something you regret you can just pass it off as a lie.

"You know what else the bridesmaid and groomsmen are supposed to do?" Vala asks in a somewhat sultry voice.

"Are you suggesting Cassie, and Teal'c do that too? Because I might have to kill him if he tried, and that would not go well for me," Daniel shoots back.

Vala pouts, and Daniel dances close enough to the other couple that he can tap his friend lightly on the back, and trade him bridesmaids.

-0-

Vala's had a bit much to drink, and despite all of her big talk, that didn't actually happen that often for her. Her eyes are shinny with the alcohol, and there is some pain behind them that Daniel can't identify.

"What's wrong?" he asks.

"You travel the whole universe. You go to societies where women are property, where they are equals. It just doesn't matter. Everywhere you go a woman is a failure if she ain't got a man," she says slurring her speech a bit as she speaks.

"Vala, you are not a failure."

She glares at him, "I ain't got a man, have I?"

He sighs, and sits down at the table. Apparently it's his duty to deal with the drunken bridesmaid, but Jack is so going to owe him for this one, "I'm sure Vala, you've never had a problem getting a man in your life."

"I'm not talking about getting someone to sleep with, I'm talking about getting someone to spend your life with. To love, to marry," she mutters.

Daniel stares at her surprised. It never occurred to him that the former space pirate would want these things, "It's going to happen for you, Vala," he assures her.

"No it won't, because the men who want those things, don't want someone like me," she says with venom.

"Someone like you? You mean someone who is courageous, loyal, smart, sexy, funny, and who saves the world on a regular basis?" Daniel asks.

She stares at him, shocked that he could find so many nice things to say about her.

"I think, what you need is to drink a couple glasses of water, eat something that isn't mostly sugar, and go to bed," he says.

"But the party isn't over," she whines.

"It is for you, stay here," he says tapping her back lightly as he goes up to fill his prescription.

-0-

"Stay," Vala begs Daniel opens her hotel room for her. The key card was just a bit too complicated for her to master.

He rolls his eyes. Of course the bonding, and the truth couldn't last much longer. He should have known, "That's not going to happen."

"Please?" she begs him, and she looks so panicked, so alone that he doesn't know what to say.

He lets out a deep sigh, "Do you promise to keep your hands off of me?"

She holds them up in the air, and makes a face that he imagines is supposed to look very innocent, even though she doesn't quite pull it off.

He considers it for a moment. He's been on missions with this woman before. It wouldn't be the first time that they've slept in the same room together without anything happening. Of course, on those missions the rest of the team were along too, and she wasn't drunk.

Suddenly she runs to the bathroom, and he can hear the sound of her throwing up. He's about to leave, figuring he could give her privacy, when he hears along with that the unmistakable sound of her crying. Well, he's definitely not going anywhere now.

After he helps her get cleaned up, and into bed he lays down, still in most of his uncomfortable suit. She's trying not to cry, and he turns toward her in the darkness.

"You know you're not alone anymore, Vala," he tells her in the darkness.

She shoots him a smile that would have convinced him that she was fine mere months ago, but now he knows her too for that. He just doesn't know how to make it better.


	49. P3X888

P3X888

It's almost like archeology. Of course, in order for it to be proper archeology, we would have to be researching the history of human life, and Goa'uld are definitely not human.

-0-

 _Daniel makes a note that what follows was transcribed from a tape he used to record his experience, but that he also added things on to it as needed._

My first clue that Chaka was intelligent was the necklace and the clothes. But being taken by an intelligent being was not much better than being taken by a wild animal.

-0-

"Shut up?" "We're communicating."

He was clearly doing some kind of a chant. I couldn't help but wonder if they were intelligent enough to have a form of religion. Not that it takes a lot of intelligence to worship a false god.

-0-

Chaka tried to protect me when I tried to drink the water. I was his prisoner, at that point he was still planning on killing me, and he still tried to protect me.

Of course I used that to take advantage of him, and slip away. Jack has trained me well. I even used the fact that I had figured out he was afraid of the water to start swimming in it. Yeah, that was really not a good idea. Just about got taken over by a Goa'uld. I ended up running practically into Shaka's arms. Luckily he grabbed the thing. Unluckily, he spread the horrible blue blood all over my face. But at least I learned my first word of his language.

"Ka" = "No"

Why is "no" always the first word that I learn in a new language?

-0-

Chaka wants me to eat a dead Goa'uld. So not going to happen. I learned my second word: "man" = "eat"

We sort of play a little game tossing the symbiote head back and forth. It's a bit of a bonding experience, but I throw the symbiote head into the fire, because I really don't want to have to eat that. Then I offer him some of my energy bar.

That is really a great way to bond with people.

-0-

The Unas understand the symbiotes, and that's why they wear the neckpieces. It's not some decoration, it's a way to save their lives.

-0-

It's a rite of passage ceremony. _I_ am a rite of passage ceremony. He's writing on the wall with my blood.

Chaka is going to kill me.

-0-

He was asleep, and I could have killed him. I had the big rock in my hand, and I could have crushed his head in. So I guess I'm not really military yet. Jack would have done it. So would have Sam or Teal'c.

But an anthropologist doesn't kill his subjects.

I help with his wound, and he tells me "Chaka". We're bonding, but I am still his prisoner. I cross off the dead version of myself on the wall. I hope he understand what I mean.

-0-

I was just made an official member of the tribe. This is something that an archeologist might spend their whole life working toward, and I accomplished it in less than a day. Most of that time I was tied up, too!

I really miss anthropology. If I was a real anthropologist, I would stay here for months, for years. I would keep studying these people until I understood their entire language, their entire culture. I wouldn't just learn three words and leave.

Maybe I can come back and figure it out someday. There is a part of me though, a little part, but one that grows bigger every day, that doesn't even want to stay. There is a part of me that is an adventurer as well as an archeologist.

-0-

 _Notice: Colonel Carter's going away party is scheduled for next week Friday. Let's give the newlywed a jolly send off to the Pegasus Galaxy!_


	50. P5S381

P5S-381

There is a ship that is threatening to kill all of the Enkarans. The Enkarans obviously want us to blow them up, but we have to talk to them the first time. The ship doesn't want to harm them, but it doesn't see a way to avoid it. It's not going to stop.

-0-

The computer interface offers to translate the language of the Gadmere. A whole civilization at my fingertips.

-0-

Am I the only one who thinks the Gadmere are as valuable as the Enkarans? Why is one civilization better than the other? What gives Jack the right to think that he has the right to make that choice?

-0-

Jack is going to blow up a ship against orders. He's going to kill a race of people, and Sam is going to help him. He ordered her to, but if he's defying orders, then she should, too.

-0-

I have to talk to him. They are going to blow up the ship, but I am not about to give up on them. If I can just talk to him, if I can just make them understand…

-0-

Jack gave the order to blow me up. Sam pressed the button. Teal'c urged him on. I didn't die, but my team made the decision to kill me. This goes way beyond the 'leaving me behind' thing they've done before, and only when they asked me.

I really need Dr. Moon right now. Geez, I need to get beyond the point where I need him. I'm an adult now, and Dr. Moon is probably dead.

Okay, here is why it hurt so much. They are my team. They are the people in the whole world I trust the most, I love the most, and they let me die. I would _never_ do that to them.

I wonder if I will ever belong.

-0-

 _Jaffa Affection:_

 _We have fought and won many battles together. It has been an honor to serve by your side. We are brothers._


	51. P3R118

P3R-118

I wish I knew more about the mind stamp. If I knew how it worked I might be able to deal with what happened to be easier. I know that my name is Daniel Jackson, but there is a part of me that still thinks I am Karlan.

I was angry when I first got there. I fought with Jack - or Jonah or whatever. But that wasn't Karlan, not really. No, it was me, Daniel Jackson, pissed at hell, because my best friend tried to blow me up.

Only, underground, I didn't remember that my best friend tried to blow me up. I had no idea. I'd forgotten. So the memory stamp was not all bad.

I started to feel a pull. A pull for something big, something important. There was another pull too, the pull to belong. To be part of something that mattered. I thought that if I could just remember I would feel like I belonged.

I never get to feel like I belong again.

Jack felt like he belonged there. He didn't want to remember. I think he would have been pretty happy to be left there with Sam forever. But I had to go and remember. I had to go and bring him back.

I'm almost still mad enough at him to consider it just retribution for him blowing me up. Almost, but not quite.

-0-

 _Notice: It's time for the annual gate travelers' physicals for SG teams 4-6._


	52. Osiris

Osiris

Dr. Jordon is dead. I didn't like leaving him. He doesn't make the list of most important people in my life, but he's a close second. The worst part is, I'm so separated from the life that I led before I joined the Stargate program that I never would have heard about it if it wasn't for the fact that Teal'c has developed a love for tabloids.

-0-

Seeing Sarah again was strange. We'd broken up a few years before I left for Abydos. We'd worked together as colleges for years, but when I saw her again the sparks were there. She's the only woman besides Sha're that I've ever really loved, which makes sense since she's the only woman besides Sha're that I've ever been with for more than a week.

It's not like it would ever work out. I can't explain to her what I do. What would she think when I kept disappearing all the time, and coming back looking like I'd been beaten up? How could I ever explain this life?

-0-

There are Goa'uld here. I worked here for years. This was the safe boring life that I had before I whizzed off to danger and adventure. The whole place feels weird now, I don't belong anymore. Sarah wants me to take her with me. She wants me to tell her.

I like her to much for that. She deserves to be protected.

-0-

She was a Goa'uld. My ex-girlfriend was taken over by a Goa'uld, and I didn't even notice. We could have died, and it would have been all my fault. She is just another person I couldn't save.

I should talk about this more. I should pretend to talk to Dr. Moon and heal myself. Actually, at this point I should probably find a real psychologist, one with security clearance who isn't McKenzie. But I'm not going to. Because I think, maybe I deserve my wounds. Maybe I don't deserve to heal.

-0-

 _Notice: Whoever keeps telling Teal'c lies about Earth culture, please continue. It's rather entertaining._


	53. Abydos (again)

Abydos

Kasuf calls us to his planet because he heard a sandstorm say the name of his daughter, my wife. I'm not so sure that I'm convinced, but when it comes to things related to the Stargate, I'm willing to believe the crazy. It wasn't too long ago that I was called crazy because of something Stargate-related.

Then the windstorm picks up, and I hear Sha're saying my name. It isn't her that walks to me out of the windstorm though. The universe is not that kind. It's a little kid. He says that he's Sha're's son, but that's impossible, because her son is a baby.

Shifu, as he calls himself, tells me that he grew rapidly, has forgotten the knowledge of the Goa'uld, and that Oma is letting him spend time with me.

-0-

I told him about his mother, and then I just asked him to do me a favor. A big favor which would have resulted in him being harmed. I'm really not worthy of fatherhood.

-0-

Shifu gave me a dream, and it took a couple of days before I was ready to write about it. It doesn't exactly say the best thing about me.

I asked him for a whole bunch of information that the Goa'uld, and in the dream he gave it to me. At first it seemed that it was a great gift. I drew up some blueprints about various forms of Goa'uld technology, and I developed a network of satellites that would save the planet.

But it didn't take long for the evil thoughts of the Goa'uld to start creeping into my mind. I could feel the pull for power, the desperate need to be in charge, the hatred. God, the hatred.

The images of me hurting my friends kept popping into my head, and I enjoyed it. It made me feel higher than when I was on the sarcophagus.

I understand more about why the Goa'uld are the way they are. I already understood a little bit of it from the time that I had spent in the sarcophagus. Now, I know how genetic memory can twist and influence everything to the point where you completely lose yourself in the memories. The Goa'uld don't even have a chance. They are all born with thousands upon thousands of years of evil inside their brain.

If I was given that kind of knowledge, I would be evil. I would kill people, kill my _friends,_ and destroy the world.

So what does that say about me? The only reason that I am not pure evil is luck? Lack of opportunity? Chance?

There is such darkness within me, and now that I have seen it I can never look at myself the same way again.

Last night I woke up from a bad dream, and I locked myself in the bathroom for a while. I was tempted to call someone up, and ask them to put me in jail. I don't think they would, though. I mean, what could I say? I had a dream that I was evil?

I'm actually tempted to commit a crime so that I don't end up hurting anyone. I just can't think of a peaceful crime.

Maybe I should just tell Teal'c to hold a zat on me for the rest of my life. Of course, that would be a waste of Teal'c. The scariest part of the story was that Teal'c and Sam and Jack all tried to stop me and failed. May I never be more powerful than my friends.

I never told anyone what the dream is, and God knows that they tried to get me to tell them. I was afraid that if I told them they wouldn't respect me anymore. Hell, I don't respect myself anymore.

My heart weighs a hell of a lot more than a feather.

-0-

 _Oma Wisdom:_

 _The true nature of a man is decided in the battle between his conscious mind and the desires of the subconscious… the only way to win is to deny the battle._


	54. 10th Intermission

When Daniel comes into work in the morning, he sees a note stuck to his door. He figures it's someone demanding some translation right away. He rips it off the door. He already had plans for the day.

"Dr. Jackson, you are a good man," the note says.

He blinks at it, confused. He doesn't recognize the handwriting on the note, so that rules out his team.

He can't figure out why someone would leave this note for him. It's not like he's done anything extraordinary lately. It's not like anyone knows the deepest worry of his mind.

He shrugs his shoulders, and crumples the note, intent on throwing it away. Instead he puts it in his pocket.

You don't have to understand something to know its value.


	55. P4X347

P4X-347

Barber died. I was just with him a few hours ago, and he looked completely fine. I don't understand how this could have happened.

As soon as I got to Earth, I started to feel kind of weird. There is a longing to return to that place that I haven't felt since the sarcophagus. It isn't that intense, but it is in many ways similar.

I yelled at the General.

Jack tells me that I was out on the ledge of my apartment saying things that didn't make any sense. They said I was saying that nothing had meaning. Of course, I don't remember it.

They all think that it was just because of the light. That was probably most of it yes, but… I had just learned how deep the evil was inside of me. I can't imagine that some of that wasn't messing with my mind as well.

Jack got angry. I got sad.

I'm just glad that Jack saved my life by sending me through the gate.

-0-

 _Notice: Colonel Carter's send-off to the Pegasus galaxy is tomorrow 7:00pm at her house. Her husband assures us that there will be cake._


	56. Unas

Chaka was taken because of me. I left a power bar out, and he was offering it to them when they kidnapped him. I run into enough trouble because I trust people. I don't want other people to run into trouble because I taught them how to trust.

-0-

I've never seen slavery first-hand before. I knew intellectually that it was happening in various parts of the world, but that is very different from watching someone right in front of you be forced to do things that they don't want to do. They hit them with a pain stick like it was nothing. They hit us with the pain stick too.

It really doesn't take much to desensitize people to causing other beings great pain. Causing pain makes your soul go dark as readily as a time in a sarcophagus. It's a danger from which I know I am not immune.

-0-

 _Notice: A new shipment of jello has arrived in the mess hall. Get it while it's blue!_


	57. P2X338

P2X-338

Sam and Teal'c pointed guns at me. I get that there was actually a pretty good chance that I was a Goa'uld, but it was still pretty disconcerting.

The scariest part of this job isn't what can happen to you, but what you could do to others.

Any second now, I could be taken over by the Goa'uld. I could spend the next 2000 years of my life torturing and killing. That is the risk we all take.

-0-

Jack didn't talk about why he hated the Russians, but I get it. He spent a lot longer fighting them than he ever spent fighting the Goa'uld.

-0-

 _Notice: SG-3 just had an interesting one, folks. Please take this opportunity to throw gummy worms at them, and watch the marines freak out. For your own safety, make sure they are unarmed first, and keep your distance._


	58. Adrian Conrad

Sam was kidnapped, and it happened right on Earth. This wasn't one of those times that we go through the gate into certain danger. She was just walking back to the gym.

I feel like I should spend my whole life on guard, but how? I can't even muster the military "with-it-ness" that Jack wants me to have on a mission. Now I'm supposed to have that all the time? Impossible.

-0-

I zatted people. Not just people… Earth people… human people, on my own planet. They're not dead, but still. I never would have imagined that I would attack people in my own backyard. What has the Air Force done to me?

-0-

 _Notice: Alien entity on base in someone's body. Find your friends, have a chat. Report odd behavior with those big red buttons folks. Let's get this figured out._


	59. 11 Intermission

"I think we're the only ones awake," Vala points out.

"We're also the only ones who were drinking coffee over translations after the mission, so I guess that makes sense," Daniel says.

"I'm sorry I picked such a boring movie," Vala says softly. Daniel isn't sure if she's being real, but he thinks maybe she is. She's been real a bit more lately. No-one has ever liked Vala's movies. She always picked things they were overly familiar with, being an alien.

Of course, Teal'c always picked Star Wars, and everyone hated that too. Daniel's documentaries never went over well, the sci-fi Sam liked to mock annoyed them, and Cam's shoot-'em-up movies were despised and, well… no-one ever liked other people's movies, but that really wasn't the point of movie night.

"I like this movie," he says, giving the screen a glance, before turning back to her, "She's kind of like you."

"You think I'm like Erin Brockovich?" she says with a laugh.

"Yeah, you're both not afraid to use your boobs to get you what you want. You both defend people who need defending. You've both strong, and smart…" he's going to continue, but she cuts him off.

"She was a para-legal, Daniel, who took down a big corrupt organization."

"And you've rid the galaxy of the Ori, I'm pretty sure you win."

Vala rolls her eyes, "I noticed you avoided the fact that I'm a space pirate."

"You aren't anymore. I just don't know what to call we what do," he says.

She remembers how uncertain he was about his job in the journal.

"Well," she says, wanting to get on to less serious ground, "Then you're Indiana Jones."

Daniel rolls his eyes, "Easy pickings, and our personalities are totally different."

"You just swap the Nazis for the Ori, and you've got it made," she teases, finding that he doesn't like the comparison.

"I'm sorry, do you really believe I am anything like that womanizer?"

"Well, you do have a thing for alien princesses," she teases.

He rolls his eyes, "Well, I don't have a room full of female students shouting for my attention," he says.

"No, just most of the females at the SGC swooning over you," she retorts.

"Yeah, right," he laughs. Then he looks at her in shock, "Seriously?"

"You are the most oblivious man who ever lived," she giggles.

"Anyway, those movies give a very bad impression of what archeology is. It's not all shooting guns and treasure maps and adventure," he complains.

She laughs at him again, "Daniel, that is exactly what you do."

"I know that, and I haven't been an archeologist for a very long time," he says.

She looks at him with a question in her face, "You miss it?" She can't imagine anyone wanting something other than this.

He sighs, "Yeah, but if I started doing, that I'd start missing this."

She nods, somewhat relieved.

"It's a link to my parents, you know. When I was little, I watched them work together."

Her heart swells at little at that, "You know, that's one of the things I find strangest about Tau'ri culture. You put so much effort into preventing people from loving someone they work with. Just look at the crazy stuff they did to Sam and Jack. In most cultures in the universe, a family works together. Husband, wife, kids, all working together, eating together, spending the whole day together. In Tau'ri culture, families barely see each other."

"You mean American, culture, not Tau'ri, and in some ways, I'm not really American," he corrects gently.

Just then Erin yells on the screen, and Cam stirs, and the moment is shattered.


	60. P37921

P37-921

She's a robot. A robot so advanced that if it wasn't for the EM field, we never would have been able to tell she was human at all. When I met an android that was far less advanced then her (wearing my own face, I might add) I had to consider it alive. She is all that is left of a civilization.

-0-

When we are waiting for the robot to wake up, Jack suggests that I should kiss her. He keeps teasing me about having a thing for alien women. Well, this one isn't human, and she's not sleeping beauty.

-0-

She is a robot, and she doesn't even know it. I wouldn't let them tell her right away. She is a little girl. A lost grieving little kid, and I know what that is like.

-0-

A lying robot, that's just what we need.

-0-

She asks me if I ever have fun. I tell her the truth, 'not as much as I'd like to'. I've never had time for fun. Maybe someday the world will be safe, and I will have time for that.

-0-

And… she made the replicators. It's just another example of how close the line between good and evil is. Here is this sweet innocent little thing that never meant to hurt a soul, and she made the worst weapon that the world has ever seen. She destroyed her entire planet, and all she ever meant to do was make something that she could play with. It's like a cruel joke.

So I wonder, how many things have I done that are going to end up messing up the world? What small tiny little action am I going to commit is going to end up destroying everything I care about? Maybe I should stop doing anything. That would be safer. I could just curl up under a blanket for the rest of my life, and my actions would not be harming things anymore.

-0-

I had to lie to Reece. She was like a little girl trying to run away from danger. I saw the fear in her eyes, and I still tried to kill her. Granted, it would have technically been deactivating a robot, but she was a sentient being, and it would still be death.

Sometimes my job involves murder. Murder to save an entire planet, but still.

-0-

Jack killed her. I had talked her down. Reece was going to shut the replicators down. She was a person, and Jack killed her.

-0-

 _Jack Joke:_

 _How can you tell if a Goa'uld is lying?_

 _His lips are moving._


	61. Langara

Langara

This Jonas Quinn kid is a little overeager, but he's also a genius. His job seems to involve making sure that what they were doing was morally correct. It's a tough job, I know that from experience.

They've got a bomb, a really big advanced bomb. The kind of thing that Earth hasn't developed until very recently.

 _He recorded his last journal entry on his voice recording machine._

I'm going to die. There isn't the smallest chance of getting out of this alive. It's not even going to be a pleasant death, it's going to be pretty miserable.

Jack tried everything to save me. He even tried to go into a suicide mission to get me a sarcophagus back. Good thing the General stopped him. Our relationship together started with me talking him out of a suicide mission. I would hate for it to end with him going on one for me.

Jack cares a lot about what happened. I don't, not now that I am going to die. But, I am going to tell the truth. Jack deserves at least that.

I told them that the bomb was a really bad idea. I explained to them that a Goa'uld used that stuff a long time ago, and almost blew up the planet with it. They did the test anyway, and when that thing started to go critical, when those cowards stood there, and watched it go critical, I jumped in there, and shut it off.

So, I get to die, and their planet gets to live.

I never thought I'd be a martyr.

-0-

Sam tried to save me with the healing device.

-0-

Jack keeps telling me that he is going to clear my name. I asked him why he even cared about it. He tells me that he admires me. Well, first he told me that I was a pain in the ass.

-0-

Sam told me that I make people better. I wish I had the strength to tell her that she is the one who made me better, that this was not the sort of thing I would have done before I met her.

-0-

Oma wants me to believe that I am a good man. You would think that someone who has reached enlightenment would know better, and would be able to see through people better than that.

-0-

Teal'c called me a warrior. And a friend.

-0-

Oma tells me not to weigh my soul. She knows about the feather. It's been a long time since I've had a therapist, but it pretty much felt just like that. Omma wants me to accept myself. If I accept myself, I get to live.

-0-

 _Notice: Seriously, whoever is allowing Vala Mal Doran access to their printing password, please stop. It's possible you might not even know that you are the culprit. Please ensure that you close out of your computer before you leave your work station. Her sarcastic notes are not exactly helpful._


	62. 12 Intermission

Vala and Daniel sit side-by-side at the small lab bench that he added to his lab when she started working with him. He could have got her a separate desk across the room, but he chose the table instead, so they could do it together. Before her, he sat in the corner of his lab all alone. Now, they hover together over a single stone.

"Daniel, you do know what this tablet is, right?" Vala asks without glancing at him. He's silent for a while, and then she just can't help it, she raises her eyes to his blushing cheeks.

"Yeah, kind of figured that out," he says.

"It's instructions for married couples on how to get busy," Vala says with a grin.

"Conceive actually, it's giving them directions on how to conceive," he corrects lightly.

"Okay, but I'm telling you the part I'm reading is pretty unlikely to lead to that," Vala says.

He pushes the tablets away, "Okay, I don't think there is any secret to the Goa'uld here, we can probably stop translating."

"You know the Air Force isn't going to be real good with the half-done translation thing," Vala says, pulling the tablet back in front of her.

"Ok, well, I'm going to make coffee," he says, turning to the machine, "You want a cup?"

Vala giggles, "Is it turning you on?"

"It's just weird, to sit in my lab, reading about sex in the language of an evil race," he mutters.

"Oh, come on Daniel. Goa'uld is the language of millions of people across the galaxy. I'm sure thousands of them are talking dirty to each other right now in it," she teases.

He rolls his eyes, when his phone rings. "Dr. Jackson," he answers, and then a smile crosses his face, "Jack, how's it going?"

He listens for a long time, and ends the conversation with, "Yeah, I'll be there."

When he hangs up, Vala says, "If you need to go off and save the world, I can finish this for you and save you the blushes."

"Ah, no… I've got a couple of days. Jack wanted me to come up this weekend and bond with his new foster kid. You knew that Sam and Jack were planning on adopting, right?" he asks, and Vala nods her head, "Okay, well, it's a temporary foster daughter right now, but they intend to make it a bit more permanent soon."

"Good for them," Vala says with a grin, "So, how did Sam win the great contest of genders?"

Daniel laughs, "Well, Jack gave in. The night before she left for the Pegasus galaxy, she was all crying about how much she was going to miss her husband, and how sad she was that she was becoming a mother but wouldn't get to spend that much time with the kid, et cetera."

"Ah, he's a softy for tears," Vala says with a giggle, trying to decide if it was harder to imagine the great Colonel Carter crying, or Jack caving to a woman just because she cried.

"All men are softies for tears," he says.

She remembers Sam and Jack's wedding, and shifts awkwardly. She knew that the only reason he'd been nice to her that day was because he felt sorry for her. She couldn't let herself be weak like that again.

"So, you're an uncle, then," she says with a smile.

"Well, of course not officially," he mutters, so embarrassed by the personal conversation that he's actually willing to go back to the tablet.

"So, tell me about this O'Neill kid," she asks him.

Her shoulder is pressed against his as they both read the tablet. It's as distracting as hell, and the erotic text is also not helping him focus. "Apparently she's a goth. Ah… she dresses all in black. She's got some tattoos, and a ring in her nose. Her mom was into drugs, and she was taken away from her mom several times growing up. Then her mom died, and she's been open for adoption for about a year now. But she's a surely fourteen year old who is mad at the world, so she's bounced from home to home during that time."

"Hard outer shell?" Vala guesses.

"Yeah," he affirms.

"Trust issues?" Valla continues, glancing at him.

"For sure."

"You're pretty good at helping people get over that," she says, smiling at him. She looks vulnerable, and real, and he wants to hug her. More than that, he wants to be hugged, because he's been pretty short on the physical affection department himself.

"Jackson, anything useful on that tablet?" Cam asks, entering the lab unannounced. Both Daniel and Vala lean away from one another in an instant.


	63. P4T3G6

P4T-3G6

 _This man can seriously not survive without his notebooks. He made them himself, by grinding up the local grains, wetting them down, and letting them dry. He ground up berries to write with. The writing is faint, and I can only make it out by squinting at it carefully, and he didn't write a whole lot. The way of writing was just too hard for him._

I still don't remember anything. Once in a while I have a dream, but even that is stolen from me before I am able to wake up. I really feel like someone stole my memories.

-0-

I know that I am not supposed to be a herdsmen, but I just can't remember what I am supposed to be. I worry about who I used to be. What if I am here as a punishment? What if I did something so horrible that I can never make up for it? What if there is going to be no forgiveness for what I have done?

-0-

New people arrived at our village today. They say that they knew me from before. They tell me that I am a good person, that I am the type of person that has saved the world more than once, and they want to take me home with them, to wherever home is for them.

They also told me some crazy stuff about how I died.

Still, they seem to have answers, and I am going to go with them. I'm terrified to find out who I am, but I'm more terrified to stay in this state of in-between where I don't know who I am forever.

-0-

They leave me in a room, a VIP room. They put some artifacts in the room. I like them, I just don't remember them.

There is a picture of a beautiful woman beside my bed, but Jack won't tell me who she is or what her name is.

I fall asleep on the bed (which is way more comfortable than the ones on Vis Uban). When I wake up I stare at the picture of the beautiful woman again, and I get my first memory back.

Sha're. My wife.

I go to see Teal'c, and tell him that I am starting to remember everything. I am sure that I can start to get myself back.

So I ask where my wife is, and I realize that Sha're is dead. I'm not even sure that I want to remember. What other horrors are waiting for me just under the subconscious?

-0-

Jim just threatened me. I think it was a joke.

-0-

I am going on a mission. I still have huge holes in my memory, but I know enough to know that I trust these people. They are on the right side, and as long as I am fighting with them everything is going to be fine.

-0-

 _Oma's Quote_

 _The river tells no lies, though standing on the shore the dishonest man hears it._


	64. Langara (again)

Jack calls this 'business as usual'. I'm on a hostile alien ship, with a few hours left until certain discovery. I have no idea how to get my friend back.

This is business as usual. I'm not sure that I want to remember my life.

-0-

Apparently, I am regularly responsible for saving the world. That is an awful lot of responsibility. I am pretty sure that I am not awesome enough to pull it off. I know that in the past I have, but that Daniel, that version of myself might just be gone forever.

-0-

Lousy hours, constant peril. Why the hell did I do this? I'm really okay with Jonas keeping his position on SG-1.

-0-

Jonas left SG-1. His planet needed him back. I really kind of wish he'd stayed, it would have given me an out. It would have at least given me time to get my memory back before I had to do any more of these crazy missions.

The biggest chunk of my memories are back, but there is still a lot of holes, and I worry that one of these holes might just cost the team their lives.

The biggest hole is whatever I did when I was dead. I'm terrified of what I will remember. I'm terrified I'll never remember. I'm terrified that I wouldn't remember, because I'm too scared.

-0-

I'm still not sure I remember why I do this. It all seems a little bit crazy.

-0-

 _Notice: Pictures of the O'Neills' wedding are available for viewing in Walter's office._


	65. P2A3497

P2A3497

There are traces of them left, little shreds of people bouncing around in my brain. Not full personalities, nothing quite so developed as all that. Just whispers, echoes of the life that was left behind.

There were a dozen people inside of my head.

I don't remember much of the time which is probably good.

I do wonder if this is something of what Sha're suffered when there was a Goa'uld inside of her. Fighting, forcing my way up to the top of the pile. Screaming, and not getting heard. Clawing for a second of consciousness, and then when you lost the fight feeling nothing.

I wonder if Sha're felt nothing all the times that the Goa'uld was in control, or if she still knew what was going on when Goa'uld was in control.

-0-

Notice: The infirmary is in quarantine, because of a nasty bug brought back by SG-10. If you have a non-emergency medical need please visit supply room two where an (official) substitute infirmary has been set up.


	66. 13 Intermission

"Can we lose the staff weapon?" Vala asks in frustration. She's always thought of herself as a good fighter, more than able to take care of herself. Dealing with staff weapons was a real hit to her pride. She was definitely not good with them.

"Sure," he says. He knows that he could use a little more practice with hand-to-hand. He took some hand-to-hand training before he met Vala, but it had always been infrequent, whenever Jack threatened to stop sending him on missions until he'd done it. After Vala entered the picture he found himself much more willing to practice hand to hand. He told himself that it was because he realized how poor his hand to hand skills were when she beat the crap out of him on the Prometheus.

But he was well aware that practicing with Jack was just never this much fun.

She throws a punch, aimed at his head, but easy to deflect. He kicks at the back of her knees, trying to get her to go down. She jumps instead, easily avoiding the move.

He elbows her in the nose. Not hard like he did on the Odyssey, but just a touch. She fakes like it was a big, dangerous, hard injury. She's still a con artist, and now she knows a whole lot more about how to fake him out, because she knows him so much better.

She knocks him in the head, it's more or less play acting, but it still stings, it still burns. If she's going to play like that, he's going to, too. He grabs onto her hair. He thinks he's just sort of hurting her just like she is doing to him, but being a man, he doesn't know how much it hurts to have long hair pulled.

She kicks him in the nuts, and he falls to the mat motionless. She jumps on top of him just like she did long ago on the spaceship. Then she'd kissed him. He finds himself kind of wishing that she'd repeat the action, but nothing happens. She just stays on his stomach, and stares at him. His crotch screaming in agony, and he's not even that pissed.

"Do you want to get a cup of coffee?" he asks her.

"This is a trick to get me to let me up, isn't it?" she asks.

"I think it's pretty clear that you won. You cheated, but you won," he says.

Just then two Airmen enter the room in the middle of a conversation. "So you're telling me that Dr. Jackson had a whole bunch people all jammed up inside his head? Do you think any of them were women?"

"Probably," The other says laughing.

"Are we sure that he got his body back?"

"Oh, yeah, because he was just as girly before the incident."

Daniel pushes Vala off of him like she is a rag doll, "What?"

The Airmen look at him with a look of absolute horror on their faces.

Suddenly he realizes exactly what is going on, and he looks down at Vala who is still lying on the floor where she shoved him off. "You didn't."

"Didn't do what, Dan'yel?" she asks, purposely saying the accented version of his name that she knows reminds him of all the women he loved before.

He should have seen it before. He should have known. She's still trying to manipulate him. She has always been trying to manipulate him, how could he ever imagine it was anything other than that?

He starts running, and the Airman jump out of his way. They may have a lot more hand to hand training, but there is nothing like anger to make a fight get fierce fast. Daniel isn't a violent man, though, and he's not aiming for them. He just keeps running down the hallway.

"Dan'yel, please!" Vala says, standing up to run after him.

When she catches up with him, he is in the locker room trying to open each and every locker, "I don't know how I didn't see it before. Walter never stopped publishing the paper!"

"Daniel, why are you so mad?" she asks.

"Why am I so mad?" he asks, yanking on the locker with more force than is strictly necessary. "You have got to be kidding me!"

"I'm really not," she says softly. So softly, that he almost believes her. Almost gets sucked in, once again to whatever crap she is trying to pull.

The next locker is the open one. He pulls the newspaper out, and sees the front page. Well, at least he made it onto the first page, he grumbles to himself. It's just what he thought, his words all over the page.

"I wrote this," he says, with a voice tense with pain, "To help me get over the fact that my body was invaded by multiple people. To help me deal with another near-death experience, and now the whole base has read it. The whole base is laughing about it."

"No, two assholes in the gym are laughing about it. I assure you I didn't laugh when I prepared it," she says softly.

"Well, great. I'm so pleased that you feel sorry for me. That's just what I wanted," he says lifting all the papers out of the locker, and depositing them in a nearby trash bin. "You know what the worst part is, Vala? The really shitty part of all of this? I _trusted_ you. I thought that you had changed. I knew you were stealing my journals. I knew that from the very beginning. But I thought _you_ were the only one that was reading them. I thought that you were trying to get to know me better or something. I was fine with that. I never imagined that you were going to use them to make me the laughing stock of the entire base."

He looks at her with the kind of disappointment that she has not seen since her mother (her real one) died.

Daniel is almost out of the room before he turns back, "You want to know why I'm mad? You stole all my feelings, all of my fears, my freaking letters to my psychologist, and you gave me nothing in return. And then you passed on all of those things to the whole base, and all those people that read my stuff, they didn't give me any secrets back either."


	67. Notice

Notice: Yesterday, Dr. Jackson found out about his journal series. He is very upset. The series is discontinued. Dr. Jackson feels that we have stole secrets from him. If you have a secret that you are willing to share with the good doctor, we request that you post it by sticky-note on his door by 0600 hours tomorrow morning. Let us show him how precious he is to us.


	68. 14 Intermission

Daniel sighs as he sees his door the next morning. It's completely covered by sticky notes.

"What the hell are you up to now, Vala," he mutters. He figures she jotted down a variety of confessions, about 90% or so he figured would be fiction, but when he takes one down, he is surprised to see it isn't written by her.

"I am lonely, too," a member of SG-14 confesses.

"Every time I go through the gate, I throw up in my mouth," a marine wrote.

"I find the idea of Tok'ra, two souls in one body, arousing," another confesses. Daniel is relieved that he can't put a face to a name on that one. He sort of hopes that whoever said that used a fake name.

"Yeah, I so didn't need to know that," he says, pulling the sticky note off. He tries to transfer the rest of them to the trash can without reading them, but many of them catch his eye. Most of them are telling him how lonely they are, how hard it is to do something this dangerous and have no-one know, and so many of them worry about how unworthy they are.

It's a nice gesture. But he really doesn't want all of their secrets, his own are a heavy enough burden.

He finally gets the last of the sticky notes into the trash, and goes to sit down at his desk. He doesn't start working right away, he needs a couple of seconds to gather his thoughts. Maybe he should have taken a sick day. Lord knows he's got plenty of leave saved up. But if he did that Dr. Lam was going to need details. She would probably make him come in for an exam. That was the danger of working a job where most of his sickness were job related. He really didn't want to be somewhere as public as the infirmary today.

Vala enters the room, and he shoots a glare at her, "I won't need your help with translations today."

"Okay, I just wanted to give my confession in person," she says quietly.

"Vala, I didn't ask for that," he says indicating the now-blank door.

"I know, but you were right when you said that you deserved it. My step mother used to call me 'the horse-faced girl'. At least, that was what she called me when she was giving me orders. She used to wake me up by screaming the word, 'slut' in my ear. I was seven at the time," Vala says.

"Look, I'm not going to believe anything that you say," he says.

"I can understand that. I've lied to you," she says sadly.

"You know what, Vala? I'm not in the mood for your crap today. I don't know if you want pity or you want to manipulate me, but either way… just no."

She bites her lip, and turns to leave, but then she returns to the room causing Daniel to roll his eyes. "Can I at least explain why I did it?"

"Oh, I know why you did it. Daniel Jackson, your favorite joke."

"You're not a joke to me," she says seriously.

He rolls her eyes, "Come on Vala, the gig is up. The game is over. I've found out your con."

"Daniel, have you ever watched a show called 'Behind the Music?'"

"Well, I'm not real big on VH1, but I understand the concept behind it."

"This series was supposed to be like that. People just wanted to know you more, understand you better," Vala explains.

"When they make a Behind the Music, they interview the person they are making it on, and their friends. They don't steal their journal and publish it behind the person's back. Besides, I'm not exactly a rock star."

"You are though, Daniel. You're the person who opened the gate. Without you, the whole Stargate program wouldn't exist. Worst than that, all of us, every soul in this galaxy would be dead."

"Ah… without me the Ori never would have discovered our galaxy."

"I was pretty responsible for that too, and you also saved everyone from the Ori, both in our galaxy and their original galaxy as well."

He closes his eyes in one of his super long blinks, "Look, it's really sweet of you to try to convince me that I'm some sort of hero to the people on this base, but I know you're full of crap. They view me as an annoyance and an inconvenience."

Vala stares at him in shock, "You seriously believe that, still?"

"Look, I appreciate the whole over-sharing on my door today. I appreciate you coming in here to lie to me. I just don't want to put up with any more of it right now. I've just got to get through today, and then I get to go see my friend this weekend." Daniel closes his eyes in another really long eye-flinch. "The Arabic. You can't read Arabic. Jack helped you. He translated my letters to Dr. Moon," Daniel said with unbelievable pain in his face. It is one thing to be betrayed by a con artist you've trusted for a few years. It's another to be betrayed by someone who declared himself your father.

"Daniel, I'm sorry, we never meant to hurt you. I swear," Vala says.

He just points to the door silently, and downs a few pain pills for the headache that he knows is coming as soon as she obeys his silent request.


	69. Family

When Daniel first started working for the Stargate program, he had an over-reliance on coffee, to be sure, but the dependence on sleeping pills wasn't there yet. Now, after the hell that his body and mind have been through for nearly a decade, he needed both uppers and downers.

When the plane lands in DC, he is still shaking off the sleeping pill that he used to ensure the flight wasn't a waste of time. Sleep, at least, is useful. Jack is waiting for him by the luggage, in a full dress uniform. Next to him is a teenage girl dressed all in black, even up to her short black hair.

"Good to see you, Jack," Daniel says with a smile, going in to hug the older man. He's still pissed that Jack would betray him by translating his journal for a psychopath, but he's not going to let it affect this weekend. It's important for kids not see the important adults in their life fighting.

"Danny-boy," Jack says eagerly, patting him on the back.

"You must be Elizabeth. Is it okay if I give you a hug, too?" he asks.

"Call me Liz, and yeah," she says, putting out her arms. Well, that's a good sign. The way Jack had sounded during a couple of phone calls, she sounded more openly rebellious than that.

"So you grew up in foster care, too?" she asks after the hug.

"Yeah, from the time I was eight until I aged out," he says as the three of them start walking out of the airport.

"And you're not related to him, but you call him dad?" the girl asks sounding sort of awed by the idea of this.

"Well, I don't know that I've actually called him dad, but we certainly have a father/son relationship going on," Daniel admits with a smile, even though he's still angry at Jack.

"Weird," she says.

"Yeah, but weird is sometimes good," Daniel says.

"His wife is on active duty. We get to read e-mails from her once a week, and he has no idea when she's going to show up again."

"Yeah," Daniel says, "But Sam does something pretty amazing."

"I just don't get it. I mean, why do they wanta have a kid when they're a married couple that don't even live together?" she says.

"Well, you have to understand that Sam and Jack really spent a long time waiting to be together. Almost ten years. They didn't want to have to wait any longer to start their lives," Daniel says. By this time they have all reached Jack's car, and they climb in.

"So, Liz, tell me about yourself. What do you like to do for fun?" Daniel asks, glancing in the backseat at her.

She shrugs.

Ah… yes, this is the damaged part.

"What's your favorite class at school?" Daniel asks.

Another shrug.

"I'm going to save you some time, Daniel, this interrogation wouldn't end with any information."

Liz giggles in the back seat.

"Wow, Jack, you must have found the only two people in the universe who find you funny, and put them in your family," Daniel says with mock awe.

"You didn't laugh," Liz points out, confused.

"Oh, I am not the one that finds Jack funny, that would be his wife," Daniel says.

"Don't listen to Danny-boy, everyone finds me funny," Jack says.

"Favorite band?" Daniel tries.

"My goodness, my new big brother is pretty persistent," Liz says with a hint of sarcasm.

"Oh, you have no idea, Lizzie. This man once turned an army by throwing a tantrum."

"What?" Daniel says.

"Yep, you turned Reece's army by throwing a tantrum in your mind," he says to let Daniel know what he is talking about, "He saved the world by doing it, too," Jack says over his shoulder.

"Liz, have you figured out not to believe a word this man says yet?" Daniel asks.

"Yeah, I picked up on that," she says.

"You can believe the part about me being glad you're here, though," Jack says with a voice more serious than Daniel has ever heard from him.

"Yeah, you can believe that part," Daniel agrees.

-0-

"Okay, young lady. You have to pick an activity, now. Something we can do together," Jack says. Liz opens her mouth, but Jack holds up a finger, "Sulking in your bedroom does not count as a group activity."

She rolls her eyes.

"Scrabble?" Daniel suggests.

"No, don't play scrabble or chess with him. He will always win those games. Actually, any game that involves words he's going to cream us at. He's a linguist after all," Jack points out.

"You're really afraid of losing, aren't you, Jack?" Liz says.

"She's got you pegged," Daniel says, teasing the older man.

"Cards, let's play cards," Jack says grabbing a deck.

"Can I please go sulk in my room?" Liz asks.

"Oh, I'm sure you can sulk right here at the kitchen table," Jack offers.

-0-

Liz slipped off to 'bed' shortly after nine.

"She's going to be texting on her phone all night," Jack says, "Seriously, those kids are all sending messages to each other at 1am. I don't know what this generation is coming to. I feel like I should take her phone away when she goes to bed, but Sam is against it. She thinks we have to bond with her before we lay down the law," Jack begins.

"I know you helped her publish my journal," Daniel interrupts.

"Who, Vala?" Jack asks.

"No, the devil," Daniel replies.

"You're mad?" Jack says.

"Why is everyone so surprised by that?" Daniel grumbles, "It was my freaking diary, and you shouldn't be surprised that I didn't want it to be public knowledge."

"Daniel, the way Vala explained it…" he begins.

"So she hustled you with that Behind the Music crap?" Daniel asks.

"She described it more as a biography of a hero."

"Well, she hustled you. That's what she did. It was all a way to mock me. I mean, Jack, you translated my letters to my psychologist," Daniel objects.

Jack blinks, "Because it showed how strong you are."

Daniel is about to argue when Liz enters the room. "You're serious? He published your diaries?"

Daniel takes a deep breath, "I'm sorry, Lizzie. I didn't mean for you to hear this. You can trust Jack, I swear."

Liz blinks at him, "You're pissed at him, and you're not screaming at each other."

"Yeah, Jack and I have had a lot of arguments over the years, and we don't resort to yelling unless it's life and death," Daniel says.

Liz sits on the chair and kicks off the fuzzy slippers, and folds her fuzzy pajama-panted legs under herself. "He published your journal, and you're just fine with it?"

Why do his personal problems have to be an example? Oh, yeah, he decided to be a big brother. There is a downside to this whole family thing. "I know how Jack feels about me. I can disagree with what he does, and still like him."

"I'm sorry I translated it, Daniel. I never would have done that if I knew you would view it as a violation," Jack says.

"So tell me about Vala, the Devil, she seams interesting," Liz says.

Daniel rolls his eyes, "I _really_ don't want to talk about that con artist."

"So is the con artist cute?" Liz prompts.

Daniel leans back in the chair.

"Danny, Liz is having a conversation with us right now. Let's go with it," Jack prompts.

"I would not say cute. She's a little edgy for cute, but she looks beautiful, yeah."

"Oh, edgy, I like it," Liz says.

"Oh, I so do not want Vala meeting my little girl," Jack says slightly alarmed.

Liz pulls a face at Jack calling her that, but says, "Well, now it really sounds like I'd like her. So are you and Ms. Devil dating?"

"Definitely not," Daniel blurts.

"Me thinks he does protest too much," Liz says, looking at Jack for confirmation.

"For sure. She once tricked him into wearing marriage bracelets," Jack pipes up.

Daniel glares at him.

"So this is a serious non-relationship then. How long have you known Ms. Devil?" Liz says.

Daniel sighs, regretting the way he spoke about Vala, "She's not the Devil. She's had a tough life."

"It was about three years ago that she stole a ship from him," Jack puts in.

"So this girl can kick your ass? I'm liking her more and more," Liz says.

"Watch the language, chica," Jack says.

A strange look crosses Liz's face, and Jack wonders if Sam was right to let them bond first, before he got all parental.

Daniel smiles, "It's nice to have somebody willing to chew you out, isn't it?"

She stares at him in shock.

"Really?" Jack asks, "Okay then, no phone from 11pm to 6am."

"Who would get up at six am?" Liz asks with an eye roll.

"Jack, that's when he exercises," Daniel says. "You know, Jack, Sam could fix it so the phone locks her out."

"From overseas?" he asks.

"Probably. If not, Cass could," Daniel says.

"Cass?" Liz says.

"Oh, I haven't talked about her, yet," Jack says, "Well, she's family, too. Her mom died when she was eleven. Then a good friend of ours adopted her. Daniel, and Sam, and another friend Teal'c, and I were all involved in her life. Her mom, I mean the woman who adopted her, died when she was eighteen. She's at college right now, but she's still ours."

"So, I'm not the first little orphan you scooped up," she says.

"No," Jack smiles. "You'll meet her at holidays."

"If I'm still here."

Jack opens his mouth, but shuts it at Daniel's shake, "That uncertainty thing really sucks, but we can't change it right now."

Jack nods. His friend is right, but God he wants to tell his girl she's found home.

"So, if you like someone chewing you out, let's lose the nose ring," Jack says.

"Don't go there, Jack," Daniel says.

"Why not?" Jack asks, confused.

Daniel sighs, he was hoping that he would get to do this covertly, but no such luck. Anyway, this kid seemed to really like being treated like a grown up, and he could definitely relate to that. "Because it's obviously an expression of her personhood, and by rejecting it she's going to think you are rejecting her as a human. Which you aren't."

"No, I actually don't give a darn. I'm just worried that people are going to treat her differently because of it, and I want better for her."

"I _want_ them to treat me differently. That way I can easily weed out the people who are worth my time, and those who are not," Liz says, pulling her knees up before her chest.

Jack smiles, "Well, I like that reasoning."

"So, can I read this journal of yours?" Liz asks.

"Ah, that would be a no. A lot of it is classified. If you wanted to read the part from when I was a kid, you could. I'd send it to you," he says.

"Ix-nay on the Ms. Woods though," Jack says.

"Oh, Ms. Woods, another sordid romance," Liz asks, moving her legs to the side so she can lean forward toward him.

"Jack, you're giving this sweet innocent little girl the idea that I'm some sort of womanizing pig," he mumbles.

"He does have a lot of girls falling at his feet," Jack says.

Liz laughs again, and Jack begins a story he calls 'Daniel's thousand loves' with a setting change from alien planets to different countries for each of his alien romances.


	70. Interference

After Daniel returns from the trip, SG-1 went on a mission. It's a rather boring eight hour deal, and despite the best efforts of both Teal'c and Cam, the two of them were not exactly willing to make up. The next day, there was no avoiding Vala being in his lab to help with a translation for a few hours. Daniel wasn't about to sit as close as he had before though, preferring instead to work off a picture at his desk.

His cell phone rang, and since that number was given out only to the exclusive bunch of humans to whom he actually felt he connected, he answers it eagerly, even though he doesn't recognize the name.

"So apparently you're too old to know how to text," the voice says.

"Yeah, I guess so. Does my phone do that?" he answers back.

Across the country, Liz gives a giant eye roll. "I totally thought you were ignoring me."

"I would never do that," he says.

"Oh, a little too serious," she says. "So Jack is an idiot."

"This is not news to me, what did he do?"

"He won't let me go to a sleepover," she whines.

"Well, he can't, kid, those are the foster kid rules," Daniel points out.

"He should break them," she pouts.

"He's way too afraid of losing you for that," Daniel points out.

"Leave it to Daniel to make something that was totally annoying come off as sweet and good," Liz complains to herself.

"Daniel… I'm going to go," Vala says, standing awkwardly. She's not sure about the rules of this new 'personal invasion' thing, but she has a feeling that staying in here while he talked to this little girl who had suddenly propelled herself into 'family' status was probably against them.

"Is that Ms. Devil?" Liz says eagerly.

"Vala," he gently corrects, hoping that Vala didn't overhear her not-so flattering nickname.

"I want to talk to her," Liz says.

"Ah… she wants to say 'hi', if that's okay," Daniel says to Vala.

Vala reaches out for the phone, completely surprised by this turn of events. "Nothing classified," Daniel reminds her.

"Are you the chick that beat up Daniel and took his ship?" Liz asks eagerly.

Vala nearly chokes at this. Is this girl going to chew her out too? Defend her newfound big brother from the Devil who hurt his precious little feelings?

"Yeah."

"Huge fan," Liz says.

"Oh, well… my pleasure," Vala says, surprised.

"So, how come you and Daniel aren't together?" Liz asks.

Vala sighs, "He's not quite as big fan of me as you are, I guess."

"You are so wrong. No-one talks about someone as much as he talks about you unless they are HUGE fans of the person," Liz says eagerly.

Vala's eyes meet Daniel's from across the room. His have a distinct deer in the headlights look to them. Damn Daniel for being so technically inept that his phone was set on jitterbug loud.

"He was talking about me because I hurt him," Vala says, still locked in the eyes of the man she's talking about.

"The only people that can hurt you are the people you care about," Liz points out.

"So, you're pretty entertained by Daniel's love life, or lack thereof," Vala says, deflecting.

"That's not the way Jack tells it," Liz says.

"Right, alien princesses," Vala teases. "I'll hand you back to him now," she says, doing what she said.

"Daniel, I gotta go. Jack wants to bond some more. Just… forgive her like you forgave Jack. She might not be family, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't have mercy."

"I'll talk to you later, Liz," he says, not quite able to deal with her statement.


	71. 1st Confession

I was twenty-two years old when Qedesh took me over. At the time, I was working in a market. Over half of the deals that I did were completely legitimate. The other half were good training for the survival that I would need to do after the Tok'ra set me free.

I thought the bad part of my life was over. I thought I was safe. I thought I could take care of myself. I was oh so terribly wrong.

I still have nightmares about that night. I never even had a chance. I never even got to fight. I was just laying in bed, and all of a sudden there were Jaffa pulling me out of my bed. She'd been injured. Her host was dying, and she needed a new one right now. So they went into the bedrooms of everyone in the village to find the most beautiful woman. I guess they picked me. Which is a load of crap, because everyone knows I'm the horse-faced girl.

Anyway, they dragged me out in the street in my nightgown, and she was laying on the ground, a worm. I didn't even know who or what she was, and I was still terrified. I lifted my foot to try to squish her. She just jumped, and used the lifted foot to squirm up my body and into my neck.

The first thing she did was search my mind for my deepest fears, and then she went and fulfilled them all.

I'll spare you the details.

-0-

 _Notice: Dr. Jackson has still not completely forgiven the publishers and readers of this esteemed newspaper. Avoid at all costs._


	72. Coffee

Vala hates herself. She used to be a fighter. When did she stop fighting for what she wanted? Yeah, about the time she met Daniel, and he made her want all sorts of things she didn't have. You have to be respectable to have a man like Daniel, and that ship had sailed for Vala Mal Doran a long time ago.

Still, Liz said… well, she's was only fourteen, but still… maybe that was why he was so mad at her.

Daniel glares at her as she enters his room. "What are you doing here?" he says in a tense voice.

"I brought you coffee," she says, holding it up.

"No thanks, I have a coffee maker in the room."

"You asked me to coffee, though, on the floor of the gym," she points out.

"And here I thought you were smart enough to know that deal was off when you betrayed me."

"Liz said you forgave Jack," she says, placing the coffee before him.

Daniel nods, but still doesn't look at her.

"Did you see my confession in the paper today?" she asks.

He sighs, "I don't want you spilling your guts to try to earn my forgiveness. I didn't ask you to do that."

She sits down across from him, and takes a sip of her coffee.

"What do you think you're doing?" he says.

She doesn't answer, just smiles at him.

"It's not going to work," he says, narrowing her eyes at her.

"We'll see," she says.

Then, for a full hour she sips her coffee across the table from him while he sits in silence, his coffee untouched.

Then she stands up and says, "I'll see ya tomorrow."

As soon as she is out of sight, he downs the coffee which is now cold enough to gulp.


	73. 2nd Confession

The number you are all looking for is 74. Sixty-two of them while Qedesh was in control of my body. One before, the rest after.

I was twenty-two years old and engaged when they took me. He wasn't the one before though.

That happened when I was fourteen years old. My step-mother, the one who gave me the name 'horse-face', sold me to a weapons dealer. For two years, he let me run his shop. I didn't mind being a slave so much. I learned a lot about weapons, and how to deal with criminals.

Then I grew breasts, and he violated me, and I killed him as he slept it off. Who is dumb enough to rape a girl in a room full of guns? I went through the Stargate, and never went back to my home world.

That fiancé, by the way, spit on my face when I came back to my adopted home world after I had rid Qedesh from me. He didn't want damaged goods, so it never would have worked out anyway.

Some of you are interested in another number. You know that Goa'uld hosts age slower than normal humans, and you want to know how long she was inside my body. Well, I lost count, not being conscious for the whole time, and jumping from planet to planet too quickly to make conversion to Earth years easy, but it was a couple of decades for sure.

-0-

 _Notice: The O'Neills would like to announce that they are in the process of adopting a daughter. Please offer your congratulations._


	74. Wifey

"You have brought us a woman to trade with," the villager says eagerly.

"Ah, no," Vala pipes up.

"Then she is yoked to one of you?" the villager prompts.

"Yeah, she's Jackson's here," Cam pipes up, earning a glare from both of the people in question.

"Why does he bring his wife on a trade mission?" the villager asks skeptically.

"The marriage is so new that he couldn't bear to be away from me," Vala says, running a hand across his chest, and looking back all at the same time. The look on her face seams to convince them, and Daniel is stunned enough that for her the annoyed face comes only after the villager looked away.

"Come with me," the man says.

Daniel comes up behind Cam and says, "What do you think you are doing?"

"Look, this is the best way to make sure the Princess stays safe without losing the chance at trading," Cam says calmly.

"Why didn't you marry her?" Daniel hisses.

"Wouldn't dream of taking your woman away, Jackson," he teases.

Vala slips hand into his back pocket, and he lifts it away by the wrist.

-0-

"No," Daniel says, glaring at her.

"Daniel, on this planet, the wife sits on her husband's lap during meals," she repeats.

He glares at her, and then he sees some fear hiding in the corner of her eyes. "Fine, but we're not going to talk about it again."

"Agreed," Vala says, plopping down and swinging her legs over him with a grin.

"You're not allowed to enjoy this," he warns her.

She doesn't answer, but only grabs a grape from the plate before him and pops it into Daniel's mouth.

"Is that strictly necessary?" he asks after he's chomped it down.

"In this culture, yeah."

He rolls his eyes, but opens his mouth for his next bite. Cheese. Damn good cheese. "Can I ask you what your motive was for the whole coffee thing on Earth? What exactly where you hoping to get out of it?"

She doesn't answer.

"Vala?" he asks softly.

"You asked me out when we were on the floor of the gym. I just want to make it right, and get back to where we are," she whispers.

"Vala, I want you to stop publishing those stupid confessions," he mutters.

"I don't mind…" she says.

"Well, I do. Look, why don't you go back to publishing my journals?"

She shakes her head at him, "Good try, but I'm never going to do that again, not now that I know how against it you are."

"I understand why you did it now."

"And is that forgiveness?" she asks, looking at him seriously.

"Close enough," he mutters.

She lifts a class of wine to his lips, but he shakes his head, "We're on a mission."

"Just pretend, then," she advises, and he obeys her.

-0-

"I can't believe they wouldn't let us sleep in the tent with the rest of our team," Daniel grumbles.

"Well, we are supposed to be newlyweds," she says.

"We're not, though. So stay to your side," he warns.

Vala looks at him seriously, "I'm not a rapist, Daniel. I may make a lot of jokes, but I'm not actually going to jump into your pants when you're unconscious. Nothing is going to happen between us until," she pauses for a long second considering, " _Unless_ it's real."

"I'm sorry that I don't always know when to take you seriously or not," he apologizes.

"I don't even know when to take myself serious," she says with a shrug of her shoulders.

He takes a deep breath, "You want to get a cup of coffee when we get back?"

"Will you actually talk to me when we drink it?"

"Yeah."

Then she grins like he hasn't seen her grin since they handed her the patches that made her a member of SG-1.


	75. P3X403

_The Daniel Jackson journal series has been reinstated  
with full permission of Dr. Daniel Jackson himself._

P3X-403

I thought that Jack was hard to work with when it came to convincing him that the native people in a culture had value. I tell you what, he is nothing compared with Colonel Edwards.

I know that Unas look a little scary, and not entirely human, but he never even considered that this was their planet, and that their claim to it might just be a little bit valid.

I really wish that Jack hadn't gotten hurt so that he could be in charge of this mission.

-0-

Specism is not much different than racism.

-0-

I can't believe the General would consider tranquilizing them like they were animals. I thought he was better than that.

-0-

Colonel Edwards almost died, almost let all of his men die, because he wasn't willing to bend down on his knee before the Unas. Sometimes I take my team for granted, and forget how lucky I am. Jack doesn't always listen to me, but it could be a lot worse. He could be a whole lot more stubborn then he is.

-0-

Jack said that I was a pain in the ass, but well worth it. I guess that is about as high a compliment as I can get.

-0-

 _Notice: Those who won the Vala/Daniel betting pool come collect your winnings._


	76. Insomnia

It's gotten to the point where I have almost forgotten what sleep was like. The sleeping pills don't even have an effect anymore. There is just not enough coffee. No matter how much I drink, it's just not enough.

-0-

I'm dreaming about Sarah. I start talking to Sam about it. She tells me that I should talk to someone. That I have been through a lot. It's true, but I'm a little gun-shy about psychologists after Dr. McKenzie, so I tell her that I thought I was talking to someone.

She's a good friend. Not a substitute for a psychologist, but almost. Of course, half the time when I call her lately she's not there. Even when I call her lab, she isn't there, which is weird. Where would she be, if not at home or in her lab?

-0-

Sam and Teal'c think that I am trying to tell myself a message from my time as an ascended being. It really bothers me that I can't remember what happened to me when I was ascended, so I guess that makes sense.

Who knows how much is caught up in my mind. I wasn't supposed to be allowed to keep anything. It was all supposed to be wiped out of my brain when I returned to this level of existence, but maybe it's all there. Maybe I just have to reach out and take it.

-0-

Teal'c thinks I can't sleep because I feel like a failure. He thinks that, based on all the things that have gone wrong in my life, I am never going to be able to get another night's sleep.

Fabulous.

-0-

This girl in my dream isn't Sara. She didn't leave. I forgot the anniversary, and she didn't leave.

-0-

It's not just nightmares. It's not just regret. It's an ex-girlfriend (or at least the monster who currently resides in her body) screwing with my mind.

I'm not sure there is enough therapy in the entire world for this.

-0-

We saved Sarah. I couldn't save Sha're, my wife, but I'm able to save my ex-girlfriend that I dated for two months. It's like a cruel kind of irony.

-0-

 _Oma Quote:_

 _How deep is the river if you cannot see the bottom?_


	77. Refill

"Oh, you're still in BDUs," Daniel says in surprise.

"I'm sorry, is it an Earth thing to dress up for coffee?" Vala asks nervously.

"Well, I was just thinking that we could go off-base, but…" Daniel begins.

"Off-base, I like that. You don't mind waiting a bit, do you?" she asks eagerly.

He shakes his head.

"Okay, I'm just going to pop over to my quarters. I will be right back!"

-0-

"You're going to have to teach me how to do this whole Tau'ri dating thing. My only knowledge of it comes from movies, and from what Sam tells me, they are not based on reality," Vala says cheerfully as they sit over a coffee whose name she cannot even pronounce. Daniel seemed to have no problem with the Italian-sounding name: the joys of dating a linguist.

"Well, you've read my journals, so you know that I don't exactly have a whole lot of experience dating, either," he says looking at his cup.

"Well, I guess we are just going to have to make it up as we go along," she says cheerfully.

He looks at her for a second with a face that she cannot read.

"Huh, I thought you were going to talk to me during this cup of coffee," she teases.

"Sorry," he blushes, taking a sip of the coffee, "So… did you read ahead in the journals?"

"Yeah, I'm always about six days ahead so Walter doesn't end up with a blank page if I'm caught off-world or something."

"Did you get to the one I wrote after I met you?" he asks, swirling his coffee around.

"Yeah," she says, meeting his eyes.

"Okay, then," he says.

"I obviously felt the same, hence why I didn't kill you," she returns flippantly, the conversation getting a bit too serious for her.

"You would not have killed me no matter what you thought of me."

"Okay, you're right, but I could have left you tied up in the hold. It would have saved me a lot of trouble."

He smirks, "A lot of fun trouble," he says with an eyebrow raise.

She nods.

"You know that you're not really damaged goods, right?" he asks softly.

She wears a pained expression.

"I don't care what happened to you. I don't even care what you did, you're not damaged goods. You are a beautiful, intelligent person, and anyone in the universe would be lucky to have you look there way."

"Why, thank-you," she says, blushing, "You're pretty handsome and intelligent yourself."

"So… tell me what's been happening in all those Wormhole Extreme stories of Siler's that I missed," he requests.


	78. P3X666

P3X-666

Janet was a damn good doctor. She deserved so much more. I wish I could have saved her.

This program is costly. It's existence is bought with the blood of good people, and we must never, even for a second, forget that.

Sometimes I wonder if it's worth it.

-0-

She handed out miracles as often as that damn epi she was screaming for every time an emergency rolled into her infirmary. Why couldn't we give her one? Just one?

All those times that she saved me, and I couldn't muster a save for her. Just one save, that's all it would have taken.

It's hard in a place where death is temporary to cope with one that lasts.

-0-

 _Daniel on Janet_

 _I owed her, a lot more than I ever gave back._


	79. Anna

This scientist, this human scientist, tortured a human who had only gotten one year of life, inside a cell no less, into Goa'ulding out.

The hell she suffered. An entire lifetime trapped in a room with a demon inside her head. Grown, made, for nothing other than that. Hopeless. They never even pretended to give her a real chance at life.

Sometimes I wonder what the point of this is. If humans are capable of things like this, then why should I even fight this war? Are we really better than the Goa'uld?

Maybe I am going to spend my entire lifetime fighting evil, only to find out that the greatest evil was inside of us, me, the whole time.

-0-

 _Notice: Daniel Jackson's birthday is next week on Tuesday. The party will be at 5pm at Colonel Mitchell's residence._


	80. Claw

"Liz, are you seriously going to be wearing that sweatshirt out here? It's a warm summer day, and you are bundled up like an Eskimo," Jack teases.

"I'm cold. I'm always cold," she defends.

Jack examines her face closely, worried about her. He's read up on trauma, and he knows that either wearing too much clothes or too little clothes can be a sign of sexual abuse. That's not something that he's ever read happened to Liz, so he's worried.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" she asks, sounding… scared.

"Honey, is there something you need to tell me?" he asks gently.

Terror fills her eyes, and she starts to cry, and borrows into his chest. "Hey, it's okay, it's fine," he assures her softly, all the time thinking murderous thoughts about her unknown assailant.

She pulls away from him, and lifts up her sleeves, "I'm sorry," she says.

He looks down at her arms to see large cut marks. While they are not bleeding hard, they are oozing a tiny bit of blood.

"Who did this to you?" he asks, horrified and confused. This was not what he thought the problem was.

"I did it," she says.

"What? Why?" he asks.

She starts crying again, and burrows back into his chest. He rubs her back uncertainly.

"Did I do something wrong?" he asks.

She shakes her head, but doesn't talk anymore.

"Okay, well, let's forget about playing catch for today, huh? Let's go inside, and get those cleaned, and then I'm going to call someone."

"The social worker?" she asks, confused, but seeming to expect that having to leave his house would be the consequence of this.

"No, I was thinking more like a psychologist," he says.

"A psychologist helped Daniel once, right?" she asks.

He nods, "And they helped me more than once, too, after Charlie died, and after I was a prisoner of war."

Jack cleans out her wounds, and wraps them in bandages, probably with a lot more precaution than is strictly necessary. Then he takes the razor blades out of the bathroom. He glances through the phonebook to find a psychologist, and he sets up a meeting for the next day. They watch TV together. Some show were teenage girls date supernatural creatures that treat them like shit. It's the kind of thing that Jack would not normally let his daughter watch, but tonight he's going to let her do whatever she wants to do.

When she goes to bed she shoots off an e-mail to his wife, and e-mail that she's not even going to get for four more days. It's too late to call. He tells himself that three times before he actually picks up the phone.

"Daniel, I'm sorry too call you this late," he begins.

"That's okay, Jack. I was just reading up on the Tentian people of P3…"

"That's great," Jack interrupts, "Can you tell me why a little girl would slice her freaking arm open?"

"Is Liz okay?" Daniel asks frantically.

"Ah… I guess. I mean, it wasn't a really deep cut or anything. But what the hell did she do it for?"

"So she wasn't trying to kill herself. She was just…"

"What, Daniel? What was she trying to do?" Jack demands.

"Did you ask her?"

"I did, and she cried, a lot," Jack says in frustration.

"Okay, well, I hate to tell you this Jack, but you might need to get her some help," Daniel says gently.

"Well, I figured that out. I already got her an appointment with a psychologist. I just don't get why she would hurt herself!"

Daniel bites his lip, wishing that he had some good advice to give his friend. "I think you might have to be okay with not knowing for a while."

"It's just hard. I mean if someone else had done this to her, I would beat the crap out of them, but she did it to _herself_. How do I deal with that?" Jack asks.

"I don't know. I've just got to say… this is the danger of loving the damaged ones," Daniel points out.

"No regrets, and she's not damaged," he whispers, just in case her ears are working overtime again.

-0-

"General O'Neill, can you join us?" Dr. Win says.

"Yeah," he says, entering the office and sitting down in the chair next to his foster daughter. Liz's legs are folded under her, and her bandaged arms are clutched around her stomach in a good imitation of a Daniel Jackson self-hug.

"Go ahead and tell him," the doctor prompts.

Liz glances at him, "I just really want you to know this isn't about you. This is about stuff with my mom."

"Okay, then why didn't it start until you came to live with me?" he asks.

Liz glances at the psychologist frantically. He nods at her, and Liz takes a deep breath. "I've always been really mad at myself about my Mom's death. It was my job to take care of her…"

"No, it was her job to take care of you," Jack corrects.

"I know, but it has always felt like it was my job to take care of her, and I screwed up. I've been pissed at myself ever since. But it didn't matter before, because my life sucked. So it was my punishment. But then I came to live with you, and it stopped sucking, and I had to punish myself… so…" she holds out her arms.

"Sweetie, you deserve to be happy," Jack protests.

The psychologist breaks in, "This is not going to be an easy fix. Cutting releases endorphins, that's a chemical that makes you feel really happy. It can be addicting. And while Liz was able to very clearly articulate her reasons for doing this, the whole psychology behind it can actually be a bit more complicated than all of that. It's going to be a process, but we caught it early, and Liz really wants to get better, so I'm hopeful."

Jack nods.

"Are you mad?" Liz asks.

"No, just worried," he says.


	81. P3Y942

P3Y-942

It's one of those times where we make everything worst. Just by making contact with the Tegaliarans we start a Civil War.

I begged Jack to let me go back and fix it. He let me do it. Jack has finally started listening when I beg for things, and it almost cost my life.

I was saved by some couple, cared for by some man's wife. She didn't want me to leave. I think she hated the fact that I still wanted to leave.

-0-

I finally got through to Earth. I give him a coded message which suggests a strategy that would help them get through. It was not so long ago that I wouldn't have been able to think of a strategy, when I would have had to just wait for help. Sometimes it shocks me how much the Stargate has changed me.

-0-

I was thinking that I must set this right. But I can't. Even if we are able to give the world back to those who had it before the war we caused, we will never be able to undo the deaths that have happened since then.

I try to remember what Oma told me. It's not so much about what you do, it is about with what motives you do it. We meant no evil when we came here, even though we caused a lot of evil.

-0-

 _Jack Joke:_

 _Q: How do you get a nerd to stop looking at an artifact?_

 _A: Point out the fact that there is an apocalypse happening. Wait five hours. Drag his ass out of there._


	82. Earth

The bad part about having your friend for a boss is that he can make you do all the stuff he's too cowardly to do. So, when someone has to go tell Teal'c had he has to stop being Teal'c-like if he's going to continue living off base, Jack chooses me.

Live off base, but do not save anyone. Ignore danger. Don't go around defending any helpless people.

It was a sucky conversation. Jack totally owes me, but you know the next time something like this needs to be done, it's going to be me that does it.

-0-

Teal'c came to us concerned about his neighbor, and then Sam had a total flip-out about how unfair the expectation for relationship is.

Not sure what that's about, but I'm going to keep watching her.

-0-

Teal'c has just been accused of murder. It's insane. He would never do that, but he's running. Maybe he doesn't know that you can't do that on Earth without looking guilty. I wish the guy watched more cop shows before turning off the television as an "unrealistic portrayal of our world".

-0-

I get this coded message that I have to translate something from Ancient or Teal'c is going to go down for murder.

I hate it when the evil is Earthbound.

-0-

Sam has a new ring on her finger. She hasn't mentioned it to me, and she's a little bit squirrely when I congratulate her.

Aren't you supposed to be happy when you get engaged?

-0-

Once again, Jack asks me to go do something impossible. Go convince this person not tell everyone about classified information without telling him any classified information. Well, I struck out here, too, they walked out an Asgard in the middle of a press conference.

-0-

 _Notice: A betting pool for a Jackson/Mal Doran engagement has started. A reminder, if you engage in any action that's intended to speed or slow down a relationship you have entered a betting pool for, you forfeit all winnings. That means, of course, Vala, you can't get in on this one. We let you slide last time, because everyone knew Jackson was calling the shots on when the two of you started to go out, but we now believe you've got influence over him._


	83. Diner

"We're not going to the same restaurant we went to when I got kidnapped, are we?" Vala asks as they sit in the car.

"That would be a no," Daniel says.

"Okay, well, am I dressed up enough?" she asks, looking down at her glorious dress and heals.

"Well, you're probably very overdressed, but I can't say that I object," he says, giving her a look of appreciation.

"Where are we going?" she asks, bouncing in the seat next to her.

"It's a surprise," he says in a teasing voice.

"It will still be a surprise if you tell me right now," she says.

"I'm not sure that you understand what a surprise is," he retorts as he pulls his car over.

She glances out the window eagerly, "Sol's dinner?"

"Is this okay? I mean, maybe it does go back to the idea of kidnapping, but I thought…" he says.

"No, I should have come back already. He was really good to me," she says, hopping out of the car.

Daniel gets out of his side, too, only at a normal human speed. "You're supposed to wait for me to walk around and open the door for you," he teases.

"You're too slow!" she proclaims, linking arms with him and practically skipping through the gate.

"Val!" Sal says, running up from the back to give Vala a huge hug.

"It's actually Vala," she says.

"You've got all your memories back then?" he asks.

"Yeah. I gave you a call to let you know that I was okay."

"I appreciated it, I did. I'm not scolding you, I am just really glad to see you," he says, hugging her again, "And who did you bring with you?" he asks, grinning at Daniel.

"Ah… this is Daniel Jackson," she says.

"And is he… family… friend… boyfriend?" Sal prompts.

Vala looks at Daniel nervously. "I think we can say boyfriend, don't you?" he asks.

She nods.

"Well, good, good!" Sal says, "Sit down, and don't bother ordering, I've got you covered!" he says, directing them to a table by the window.

Once they sit down, Daniel grabs her hand across the table. She yields it to him, and tries to remember the last time someone held her hand, if they ever did. "Do you want to invite him to sit with us?"

"Ah… no, just chat with him a bit more before we go. This was a really sweet idea, Daniel."

Daniel stares at the food on his plate for a second in silence, "You ever look at this, this normal life you almost had, and wish we'd never came to rescue you?"

"This life was a bit lonely," she says.

"Okay, but what if there was a normal life without the loneliness?" he asks.

"I don't know if I'm built for a normal life," she says sadly.

"Well, that's probably for the best, because I know I sure as hell am not built for a normal life," Daniel says with a laugh, making Vala relax.

"You _are_ a bit of a workaholic," she agrees.

"Yeah, I need someone with a little persistence. Someone who won't let themselves be ignored," he says, and his voice is a little pleading.

"Well, that sounds like something I would be really good at," she says with a grin.

"Well, I guess I'm pretty lucky then," he says.

Just then Sal arrives at their table with more food than two humans could eat in a month, and he and Vala start catching up.


	84. Prometheus

Everyone was beamed off the ship except for me, so I get that Kull Warrior super weapon that Sam and her dad built, and shot it with it. Of course, it had no effect, because it wasn't a Kull Warrior. I didn't find that out until it hit on me. Don't worry, it was a woman. A really beautiful woman.

She wanted information from me. She used violence, but she also used the way she moved her body. Yep, nobody walks like that in real life, and that voice is so fake. I knew exactly what she was doing, and I still almost fell for it.

She injured me with a staff blast, and then she practically sat on my lap, boobs carefully arranged at eye level as she heals me. That's how I found out that she was a former Goa'uld host.

She suffered what Sha're suffered. She had that hell inside of her mind, and she could tell me what it was like. She could answer questions for me that no-one else could ever do.

If she wasn't too busy attacking me the whole time, anyway.

I got out of my restraints, and got her at gun point, and then she delivered a sob story to me about her people needing help. I didn't realize yet that she was a con artist.

She started attacking me, but when I got my first good hit in, she had such a reaction that I stopped. She used it to her advantage of course. I still have trouble actually using physical violence against my own species.

I'm going to go ahead, and declare that is a good thing for my soul.

Here is a secret I definitely don't want anyone to know. That fight totally turned me on, even before the kiss.

I had to re-dress her, because of that stupid zat-resistant clothing. That meant I had to undress her first. She told me later that she only told me about the zat resistant clothing because she wanted to distract me. Well, it was distracting enough with her unconscious let me assure you.

That girl can string a story. When she told me about how important that ship was to her people, I almost believed her. She's a liar. For all I know she's lying about being a Goa'uld host, and got Naquada in her blood some other way.

I really should hate her. She beat me up, she captured me, she stole the United State's Air Force's ship, and she lied to me, over and over. I really should hate her, but I don't. It's the most dysfunctional relationship in the history of the human race, and I really wish it hadn't ended.

Why did you run away? I would have found a way to get you out of prison.

No, it never would have worked out. What? Did I think I was just going to reform you? Fix you? Take you home and make you mine?

You're a wild bird, and you're meant to fly.

I just really hope I'm going to get to see you again.

You are nothing if not an adventure.

-0-

 _Notice: Today is the anniversary of the first time the gate received a lock. Per the usual, there will be cake._


	85. Replicators

Replicators

The replicators got a hold of beaming technology. They used it to steal me away as I fought beside Sam. Then I'm in a room with another Sam. A fake Sam, a robot Sam. A Sam who looks just like my friend, but wants to torture and kill me.

Replicarter tried to convince me that she was Oma, but she didn't understand the Oma sayings. Not that I did, either, but at least I knew enough not to be fooled.

-0-

Replicarter finds something in my brain that would wipe out all life in the galaxy. Then she asks me to help her find out more. She wanted me to help her access the knowledge of the Ancients. I have tried so hard since coming back to the land of the living to get those memories back, but all with no success.

-0-

My brain has been hacked so many times that I've actually gotten used to it. When she tries to hack my brain, I just hack her brain back. I made the replicators stop.

I died for it, but that is just another example of something that I am starting to get used to.

-0-

I know it wasn't Sam, but I was looking at her face when I was stabbed through my chest. It felt like betrayal even though it wasn't.

-0-

 _Teal'c on the Goa'uld:_

 _They may have had superior forces and resources but we possessed something far greater… A just cause._


	86. Shore Leave

Daniel has asked Vala to do something every single day that they're not off-world on a mission since he asked her out for coffee. So she is a little surprised when he doesn't even mention anything for this weekend.

"Busy weekend?" she asks, passive-aggressively.

"Yes, actually," he says, pushing his glasses up and going back to reading the tablet in front of him with vigor.

She sighs.

"What?" he asks, grinning, "Oh," he says realizing, "You think I'm pulling a 'workaholic Daniel' on you and ignoring you, don't you?"

"I was feeling a little bit like Sarah, yeah," she says.

"Sam is coming in from Atlantis for the weekend. She's meeting Liz, and Liz is freaking out. She's sure that Sam will hate her, and that Jack and Sam are going to change their minds. They're all staying at my house this weekend."

"Oh, well, I guess that is a good reason," she mutters.

"If you wanted to stop by, you could. It's going to be a lot of crazy family stuff, but if you are game for it…" he says.

"Oh, come on. Jack has already said that he doesn't want me anywhere near his daughter, and who could blame him?"

"That was a joke," Daniel says. "Besides, Liz is fascinated with you."

"Exactly, and I'm not sure that is a good thing."

"You can use the force for good," he says.

"I don't really want to play act in front of the kid," Vala grumbles.

He smiles, "I'm asking you _not_ to play act. If you were to play act, you would do that whole flirty sexual thing. If you're honest, no-one could object to you getting to know their daughters. Who wouldn't want them to have a strong, brave, and intelligent woman to look up to?"

-0-

"Why can't I go with you? I mean, people usually have their families waiting as they get off their airplane or whatever," Liz says.

"Well, she's not exactly going to be getting off an airplane. Her transportation is going to be a bit more classified than that." He smiles at the girl that is quickly becoming a daughter to him, "Stop being nervous! She's going to love you!"

Liz gives a little smile, "It's just weird, because I've got four days with her, and then she's going to be going back to another country, and she's going to be gone for who knows how long.

"I get that. But I'm telling you, Sam is going to love you."

-0-

Sam looks at the girl before her, and Liz is shocked that Sam looks as nervous as she herself feels. "Hi."

"Hi," Liz responds.

"So, what do you want to do?" Sam asks.

"Ah… you're the one who hasn't been in America for a long time. Why don't you pick?" Liz shoots back.

"Well, you don't really strike me as a girly-girl, so shopping is probably out. You like motorcycles? A friend of mine, Siler, held on to the one I built for me while I'm oversees."

"You built a motorcycle?" Liz says in awe.

"I did tell you she was a super-genius," Jack says proudly with a huge grin.

"I thought that was just you bragging about your wife," she says.

"Do you brag about me, Sir?" Sam says slyly.

Liz crinkles up her nose, "You call him 'Sir'? That's gross."

"It's a habit. He was my commanding officer for eight years before we started to date," Sam explains.

"Really?" Liz says eagerly.

"Liz kind of likes romance stories about her elders," Jack points out.

"Well, then, has Jack told you how we met?" Sam asks, beginning the story.

-0-

"So this is Vala?" Liz says, looking at the woman before her.

"In the flesh," Vala says with false ease.

"You are not what I expected," Liz says.

"It was him describing me as beautiful that threw you off, wasn't it?" Vala says with a voice which is supposed to sound light enough to be a joke, but which comes off with more than a touch of bitterness.

"No, actually you're just not as edgy as I expected," Liz says, staring at the woman before her who is complete with a turtleneck and jeans.

"You do clean up well, Vala," Jack points out.

"Oh, so this is what happens now that I am far away? You just go ahead and flirt with whomever?" Sam teases.

"Oh, you would know if I were flirting. You'd all be blushing if I were flirting," he says, giving her a light peck on the lips.

"How about paintball?" Sam asks, after staring into her husband's eyes for a long bit.

-0-

Sam snuggles into Jack's side after lovemaking, "Remind me why I decided to go into a different galaxy when I could have sex with you every night."

"Poor judgment," he responds.

Sam laughs.

"Okay, you wanted to command a colony in another galaxy and save the universe again and again," Jack says.

"Oh, yeah, that."

"Little detail," Jack quips. "So what do you think of our girl?" he says seriously.

"Well, I think she's scared of me."

"Looks like you're scared of her, too," he shoots back defensively.

"She's awesome, Jack, she really is. It's just hard that I don't know her, and don't know if I'll ever be around long enough to get to know her," she says.

"You wanted to be a mother, right?" he asks. "Do you have regrets?"

"Not about her entering out lives, no."

"You could retire," he says.

She makes a face.

"That's a no, too," he says.

"Yep, I just get to be pulled in two directions for a little bit longer then," she says.

-0-

Liz walks into a kitchen that is almost completely destroyed by a botched attempt by Sam at making pancakes. Liz giggles, "I always thought that cooking was mostly science."

"I'm a theoretical physicist, we don't deal with things that go squish," Sam says with a giant sigh. "I'm really not that great a mother-figure. I mean, I'm gone all the time and I can't cook."

"Well, you have yet to throw up on me or offer me drugs, so you're a lot better than my birth mom," Liz offers.

"I'm sorry," Sam says, putting a hand on her shoulder.

"I'm sorry your mom died when you were young, too," Liz says.

"Your age, actually," Sam offers.

"Well, the good news is… I can cook. It's a skill you pick up early when you're mom is sometimes unconscious for days," Liz says, taking over. "Hey, do you think Daniel is going to marry Vala?"

"Probably, eventually," Sam says. Then her forehead wrinkles, "I hope so. He really deserves that."


	87. Boring Old People Sex

_This chapter (and two others later on, clearly marked) is rated M. If it's not your cup o' tea, feel free to skip._

He swore it wasn't going to be like that this time. He and Sam have only been together for five months, and they've spent way more of those nights apart then together. When they were together, it was always in the same position. Missionary - boring old people sex.

She wasn't old, and he shouldn't give her boring old people sex.

"I'm sorry," he says sliding off of her.

"About what?" she asks, in that after-sex drowsy voice she has.

"I swore we were going to use another position. I don't mean to keep having boring old people sex with you," he says.

Sam laughs, "Jack, this is the best sex of my life."

"I find that hard to believe."

"It never hurts. I never feel weird about my body afterword, and I m getting really consistent orgasms, so no complaint," Sam says, making lazy swirls on his chest with her finger.

"Those are some low standards there, Sammy, and can I kick the ass of whoever hurt you during sex?"

She laughs, shaking her head, "Look, the sex is good, because I really love the guy I'm with."

"Well, we might have had boring old people sex, but that doesn't mean we can't do something a bit more interesting for round two," he says, moving down her body until his mouth is close to her waist.

"Sir, you don't have to do that," Sam protests.

"We agreed no 'Sir's in the bedroom," he lightly scolds, and assures her, "I want to do this." He glances at her eyes with surprise, "Never?"

"Never," Sam says.

"I am so lucky every other guy you dated was a lazy selfish pig. It makes me look good," he says.

"You forgot to add 'emotionally manipulative' and 'stalker' to your description of the guys I dated," she adds.

"I could be a pretty shitty husband, and you would never notice," he says, beginning his ministrations.

"But you won't be," she says, raking a hand into his hair.


	88. Avalon

Avalon

I was the last member of SG-1 to take off. This is the closest I've had to a family since I was eight years old. Jack left the team to lead the SGC, and then to go to Washington. Teal'c went off to lead this free Jaffa nation that he started. Then Sam zipped off to Area 51. Now, I'm going to go to Atlantis.

-0-

Stupid Vala. Stupid marriage/prison bracelets. Stupid missing the Dadelisis. No Atlantis for me.

-0-

When we were on the Prometheus Vala started talking about what happened the last time we were there. She touched my face as she did it, and I didn't push her away. What's wrong with me? Here is a woman who assaulted me, and basically kidnapped me, and I'm letting her touch my face like she means something to me.

Why is that? Oh yeah, 'cause she does.

Not going to let her know that though. She'll just use it against me.

She and I have not hope of something serious, she can't do serious. So I have to stop whatever I feel for her.

Everything she says is a lie. Seriously, everything.

-0-

I can't get more than 100 feet from her. It is strange to think of her being across the hallway from me as we sleep. I just keep thinking about her…feet away from me…laying in a bed exactly like the bed that I am laying on me.

What does this woman do to me?

-0-

Notice: Siler is giving a safety briefing tomorrow at noon. It should be ironic.


	89. Ori Galaxy

We're home. We made it home from the Ori galaxy. There was a time there where I honestly thought we weren't going to make it, but we did. We lived. Vala lived. Well, first she died.

It was my fault, really. I mean, Vala isn't a diplomat. She can't be expected to deal with a tea ceremony without any training. 'Go reproduce with yourself' was a given.

She died. They burnt her to death. I smelt it. I held her in my arms with the life gone from her. They didn't just burn her to death once but twice.

They saved us the second time. SG-1 is just that good. But still, it got hot; I felt the flames.

And then the first time she was dead, and he brought her back to life. The Pryor did that, bringing her back from death.

I'll spend my life fighting them, no question about that. But I will always be grateful for what they did for her.

-0-

They know about Earth because of me. I spent so long fighting false gods, and then I open up a brand new galaxy to another slew of false gods.

Jack always told me I shouldn't just walk up to people with my hand out and tell them my name and planet of origin. It was bound to bite me in the butt at some point.

-0-

 _Notice: Siler's safety talk was postponed until next week, because he electrocuted himself and is in the infirmary._


	90. Comfortable

"Vala! Dr. Lam has a former Goa'uld question for you," Cam says, entering Daniel's lab. It is eight o'clock at night, and Daniel is where he always is that time of night - hunched over his work. Vala is sitting next to him cross legged on the table, flipping through a fashion magazine with one hand. The other hand is occupied by holding Daniel's hand.

Cam blinks at the strangely intimate scene in surprise. Vala drops his hand and hops down from the table, going toward the door.

Daniel clears his throat to stop her.

She rolls her eyes, but grabs the magazine that she left abandoned on the table, and opens drawer in a file cabinet to put it inside before traipsing out of the room.

Cam walks over, and opens the drawer. It's full of magazines, hair clips, nail polish, and other things that would keep Vala entertained while Daniel worked 24 hours a day. "She has a drawer at your place?" Cam asks.

"In my office," Daniel corrects.

"Are you sure the two of you only got together a week ago?" Cam asks.

"Yeah," Daniel says, looking up suspiciously.

"'Cause you're practically moved in together," Cam presses.

"We haven't even slept together yet," Daniel says with a glare.

"I'm sorry, are you defending Vala MalDoran's honor right now?"

"I'm sorry, did you just insult my girlfriend?" Daniel says, standing.

Cam tries really hard not to laugh at the idea of Daniel Jackson fighting him, especially over the honor of the space pirate. "You do realize that she recently told the whole base about all of the men she slept with? It wasn't the tiniest of numbers."

"She didn't give details," Daniel grumbles with a glare.

"I'm not trying to disparage your girl, Jackson," he says.

Daniel nods, and Cam leaves the room.

"Well, that whole thing got serious fast," Cam mutters to empty the hallway.


	91. Down the Rabbit Trail

She continues to disappoint me. I shouldn't be surprised. How could I possibly be surprised? She is a criminal through and through. But chasing down the crazy trail of what Vala's many wrongs just proved to me how twisted the life of a thief can be.

I think about Sha're, and wonder how I could possibly have any feelings for Vala? She's a criminal, for crying out loud! And it seems like she has pretty much screwed over everyone in the galaxy.

-0-

It looks like I am stuck attached to Vala until we are able to magically produce a cargo ship. Not just any cargo ship, but a specific one that I'm not allowed to rescue.

-0-

She was in my room. Trying to manipulate me into bed. Yeah, I'm pretty sure that I hate her. She used the whole Goa'uld host thing on me. I better never let her know that I had a wife that was a host. I won't let her use Sh'are.

-0-

All of that. We go through the galaxy working down a list of people who Vala has screwed.

I will say that the girl can fly a ship.

-0-

 _Jack Joke:_

 _How do you know Daniel is talking about some boring story about dead people?_

 _His lips are moving._


	92. P8X412

P8X-412

Well at least I know for sure that she was a former Goa'uld host for sure.

Quetesh - the love goddess - so that explains a lot.

I can't believe that she would continue to act like a Goa'uld after they took it out of her. You would think she would want to run from that as far and as fast as she could.

-0-

I ask her to trust me, and I got her put in jail and spit on.

I get her into almost as much trouble as she gets me into.

-0-

The Prior talks really well. We're screwed.

-0-

Vala vulnerable. Vala scared. Vala trying to heal people and failing. It's not a Vala that I am used to seeing. She's suffered enough. I can see why she would avoid being around people that are suffering. There is a real cost to saving people's lives.

-0-

 _Oma Quote:_

 _The future is determined by the character of those who shape it._


	93. Kallana

I was annoyed by her. I was teasing her. I was making it clear that she didn't belong.

Now she's done, probably dead.

I remember there was a time when I felt like I didn't belong too.

We could have given her that feeling of belonging.

-0-

My job used to be bonding with people, changing their minds. But you cannot reason with the Ori. I refuse to even try.

-0-

You know who I should have listened to? Vala. I complain about no-one listening to me, but if I had listened to her she might not have had to do a crazy mad thing where she probably died. She sacrificed herself for me, for the whole galaxy.

She can be trusted after all.

-0-

Sam says that Vala might have lived. Well, that would be one hell of a message.

-0-

 _Notice: Whoever TPed Colonel Mitchell's office… good job._


	94. P3X584

P3X584

I've been doing this job too long. I'm the one who suggested Khalek be killed.

I used to say…we need to understand them. We need to change them.

I'm old now, and I know what evil is. Some people just need to die.

Khalek asked me if I ever killed a man. He was desperate to know what it felt like. Taunting me that one of us was going to feel the "pleasure" of killing. Well, killing eats me up inside. Even if it is a Ori, or a Goa'uld, or a…anything. Killing sucks.

But sometimes, sometimes the pain and emotional damage is worth it.

-0-

Notice: Jack is instituting a first annual "Annoy Cam day." The goal is to make sure he gets absolutely no exercise. Get your minutes from Walter, and watch him careful boys. I'm sure we can make him go nuts with no exercise.

Welcome to the team Colonel Mitchell. You're one of them now according to the big man himself.


	95. Body Snatching

She stole my body. I mean, both of us stole someone's body before, when we went to the Ori galaxy, but I never really realized what a violation it was before this.

I don't remember it of course, but I watched the video. It was weird to see her movements in my body.

She's pregnant, for real this time (I think). But it's not really her baby. It's really no-one's baby, and she's got to be terrified.

I should have gone with her. If I went with her to another galaxy, I would be the one in marriage of convenience with her. I would be there to protect her from whatever craziness is happening. Vala is a survivor, but she'd never had to survive while pregnant before.

She was taking a huge risk in order to be able to talk to us, a huge risk. Then we're just cut off from communicating with her, and we don't even get to know what happens. I try not to worry. Worrying isn't going to do any good.

-0-

 _Notice: We have lost another of our own. The funeral service for Dr. Smithers will be Friday. Her parents think she worked in a science lab. I am sure that they would appreciate non-classified letters about what she meant to us. She died in defense of our world, and she will never be forgotten._


	96. Px1-767

PX1-767

I failed. They sent me down as Earth's only hope again, and I couldn't figure it out on time. I solved the riddle, but it wasn't the final answer. Merlin sure as heck didn't make it easy.

Cam almost died giving me the time, and I couldn't save them with it.

We barely made it to the last stand in time, and good men died because I wasn't able to come through for them.

I try to tell myself that this is just the danger of doing an impossible job. I try to tell myself that no-one else could have done it better. That no-one else had been able to find the Holy Grail, even though so many people have spent their lives trying.

But it doesn't change the fact that I failed.

-0-

 _Notice: Daniel Jackson has just finished his Ancient-to-English dictionary. If you want a copy, he will be happy to provide it to you in a digital format as long as you provide him with your e-mail address._


	97. Wrestling

"Do you want to get out of here?" he asks suddenly.

"We're only about halfway though translating," Vala says in surprise.

"Right, but we were actually off the clock five minutes ago. I know that before the two of us got together, you didn't necessarily spend all of your waking hours working."

"Okay, where did you want to go?" Vala asks. She still not supposed to go off base without an SGC personal chaperone, so she would go pretty much anywhere with him.

"How about my house?" he says.

She smirks.

"Not like… just come to my house," he says.

"Okay, just let me go to my quarters and get changed."

-0-

"I like your place," she says, running a hand across the shelf.

He holds out his hand, and raises his eyebrows. She sighs, and pulls a small statue out of her shirt, "It was a memento of our relationship."

"You're speaking like the relationship is over, but it's just beginning. So let's leave your little memento were we can both enjoy it," he says, setting it back on its self.

"So what is the plan?" she asks.

"Well, have you ever had Earth take-out?" he asks.

She shakes her head.

"It will be in here in about half an hour. Meanwhile, I thought maybe we could spar."

"You don't have any of those stupid sticks, do you?" she grumbles.

"No, I prefer hand to hand," then his head bobs down at the last words, "With you."

"Ah… sexy fighting," she says with a grin hanging off him.

"Yeah, but just flirting, making-out," he says.

She steps forward invading his bubble with her whisper, "If we're making rules, can we avoid the nose-punches and hair-pulling?"

"As long as you promise not to kick me in the crotch," he retorts back.

"Oh, doing that now would be counterproductive. It belongs to me now," she grins.

"It does not belong to you," he retorts.

"It pretty much does," she retorts.

He uses the moment to knock her down and climb on top.

"Not fair, you never said 'go'," she says as she rolls out from under him and launches herself onto his back.

-0-

"I like pizza," she says, taking another bite.

"Done?" he asks. When she nods he takes the box from her, and puts in the kitchen.

"So, I should probably get going," she says.

"You could stay," Daniel says.

Vala grins, and opens her mouth.

"Just sharing a bed, cuddling, no sex yet," he says.

Her face looks concerned, "Daniel… are there some issues… Hathor?" she asks, looking at him with something that is really honest concern, but he's still afraid that she is conning him.

"No, that's not the problem," he says.

"Ah… so you don't trust me," she says.

He shakes his head gently, "I just know that you use sex as a weapon. A way to keep you apart from people. I want to wait long enough that I am sure it's not going to keep us apart."

"Okay, but if you want me to leave…" she says.

He shakes his head. "I want to hold you tonight."

She smiles at him, "Do you have an old shirt I could borrow or something?"

"Better," he says. He walks into the bedroom with her close behind. He pulls open a drawer which is empty of everything but a pair of fleece pajamas and a toothbrush.

"You gave me a drawer," she purrs.

"Yep," he says proudly.

"It's not escaping my notice that you are trying to bundle me up like an Eskimo," she says, picking up the pajamas.

"Well, I am only human, and I'm going to need a little help to keep this sex thing slow," he whispers in his ear.

"Okay, I'll go bundle up," she says grabbing the pajamas.

-0-

Vala curls into his chest, and feels his arms around her. She can't remember the last time that she felt this safe.


	98. Supergate

Once, when I was getting training from a midwife, I held the hand of a woman who had just lost her baby. She was actually in no small amount of danger herself. She was bleeding a lot, and the chance of infection was insane, but she didn't care about any of that. All she cared about was the fact that her baby was gone.

Well, Vala's baby isn't dead, but I'm sure right now she feels pretty much the same thing. Of course, she's too strong, too brave to let it show, but I know that she's got to be being ripped apart inside right now.

It was hard enough for me to go a year without having a baby with my wife. I can't imagine what it would have been like if we'd had a baby… and then lost it.

I want to comfort her, to take her into my arms, and tell her that everything is going to be ok, but it has never been like that between us, and if we started making it like that right now it would be pretty weird.

I made her leave her child. I feel like I should ask her forgiveness, but… what words would be enough? She asked me to take her daughter instead of her.

-0-

You know, I didn't mention it yesterday, because I was feeling sorry for her. But I did have to hide by the bed while she made out with her husband. Couldn't she have found another way to distract him?

-0-

 _Notice: A betting pool for the date of the O'Neill's daughter's official adoption date is still open. See Walter to place your bet._


	99. Babies

He should not be looking at her like that during a mission. He shouldn't be thinking about her like that during a mission. But God, she's amazing right now.

Vala is sitting in some long Ori-looking velvet dress thing with two kids on her lap, and three of them leaning around her. She meets his eyes for a second, and there is joy in them.

He comes, and sits down in front of her on the ground, a few children move from her to his lap.

"This is the man I was telling you about. He saved the galaxy more than once," Vala brags.

"Didja find treasure?" a little girl with Vala's eyes asks.

"Well, true treasure is knowledge, and I've learned a lot in the last few years, so yeah, I guess I found a lot of treasure," he says.

"You saved the world," a boy adds excitedly, "Do you have big guns?"

"No, the only guns I've ever used were pretty small," he admits.

"That's disappointing," the Vala lookalike pouts, and Daniel can't help but wonder if there is sexual innuendo coming out of this six-year-old.

"All right, kiddos, time to move out!" Cam says. A gaggle of orphans stand up to swarm him. "By 'kiddos' I meant my team, but I can see how you might be confused."

Daniel and Vala stand up and follow their leader.

-0-

"You were great with those kids back on that planet," Daniel observes as the two of them chow down on Chinese takeout in his apartment after work.

She glances at him, "I was just telling them wild and slightly true stories. Nothing I didn't do in Walter's newspaper."

"Well, I hope that you edited the naughty parts out a bit more than you did for that," he teases.

She looks at him, and speaks gently, "You could just ask?"

"I know that kids are probably a fairly complicated question for you. I mean, you didn't really decide to have Adria, the opposite really. But I know that once you knew she was coming you were kind of excited about her. I wonder how you feel about the idea of kids," he says nervously.

"The right time, with the right guy, kids would be amazing," she says giving him a grin, "Have you ever thought about kids since Sha're?"

"Yeah, I'm not sure I'd make a very good father. I mean, I never really followed through with Cassie. Jack and Sam were both pretty involved in her life, but I never was. Then there was Shifu. I promised my wife that I was going to take care of them, and I just pawned him off on a powerful ascended being."

"You're a good person, Daniel," she objects.

"I'm a workaholic, that could never give a kid the time that it deserved," he objects.

She smiles, "You're thinking like an American. If the baby worked with you and your wife…"

"Are you suggesting I take a baby through the Stargate?" he says with a raised eyebrow.

"No, just into the lab when you are translating things."

"I'm still pretty distracted when I translate," Daniel points out.

"Well, I tell you what any kid would be lucky to have a tiny portion of you. I would rather take a slice of you than a whole cake of someone else," she says.

He closes his eyes in a super long blink, "Is having kids a deal breaker for you?"

"Daniel, the world _needs_ your genetics passed on. You not having kids would be like Superman not popping out some kids."

"I'm not Superman. For starters, I'm not the last member of an alien species."

"But you are like the smartest man alive," she objects.

He takes a deep breath, "Is this a deal breaker, Val?"

She shakes her head, but he can see how disappointed she is. He walks over to the chair she is sitting in, and scoots in with her, much to her delight.

"How about… maybe," he says.

"Yeah?" she purrs, leaning against him.

"Yeah, especially if I was with someone I could really trust to be a good mother," he says, wrapping his arms around her and grabbing her hands.


	100. Vagonbrie

After everything that she has done for this program, they weren't going to let her be a part of our team.

I vouched for her. I know, that's insane. She is the one person in all of the galaxy that I know I can never trust, and I went to town for her. I'm definitely an idiot, but she does deserve it, and I remember what it felt like when I wasn't sure if I was going to get my own place on the team.

Now she has to get a psychological evaluation before she can go through the gate. Good luck to poor Dr. Hutchinson.

-0-

They tested her. They sent in Woolsey to test her by offering her a position as a spy.

She said no, even when they pushed her. Even when they humiliated her and tormented her.

So maybe I can trust her.

Professionally.

-0-

 _Oma Quote:_

 _The man who is wisest is the man who knows that he doesn't know anything._


	101. Atlantis

I thought I could convince her. I thought that if I just said the right things she would come to our side, and a whole army of ascended beings would fall into line.

But it's not going to happen, and all that happened was I got a good person punished for breaking the rules after she tried to help me.

Sometimes I wonder if the Ancients even want to continue to live. Maybe they aren't putting much into the fight, because they have decided that the thousands of years that they have lived is long enough.

-0-

 _Notice: I would like to announce that my (Walter Harriman's) wife is pregnant with our third child._


	102. P9X121

P9X-121

It looks like Adria is dead. Vala pretends that she is happy about it. She pretends that she regrets not having an abortion.

I know that she loved her daughter, that she hoped for her daughter. I know how much what her daughter has became hurts her.

I tell her that I know how she feels, and she wants details later on. So I tell her about Sha're being taken as a host. I swore that I would never tell her that, but I trust her. I trust her a lot more than I should.

I tell her that when Sha're died I felt relieved. As horrible as it is, it is also somewhat true. It was selfish to keep hoping, to keep saying that something of the host remains.

-0-

Adria isn't dead, and there is no mistaking the fact that Vala is relieved about it. She strangled me, and Vala managed to save me. She does have some power over her daughter, even if she doesn't realize it herself.

She tried to hack by brain. Like I'm not used to that by now. But, between my fighting her and Vala's interference, I made it out of that unscathed.

-0-

 _Bra'tac on Vala: She displays the wisdom of a battle-seasoned warrior._

 _Daniel: She's a mother. Close enough._


	103. Wam Bam

Daniel is cold, so he reaches for the blanket. Only… there is no blanket. He shifts around some more, desperately searching for the blanket with his fingers. Ah… there is something. He gives it a pull.

"I thought that hair pulling thing was a standing rule," a voice mutters angrily.

"Vala?" Daniel asks, confused.

"Yeah," she grumbles, pulling her hair away from his fingers.

"How the hell did you get into my bed?" he asks. He knew that she was stealthy, and sly, but really?

"How did you get me into your bed?" she asks snidely, sitting up. She is dizzy and nauseous at the action.

Daniel opens his eyes, and follow suit sitting up. They are both naked, and on the floor of some kind of a temple. Off-world. Oh, this is so not good. "Okay, I don't have any memory of what went down here, do you?"

"Nope," she says.

Vala's bra is under his arm, so he tosses it to her, finding his own boxer shorts and putting them on. "You okay?"

"Not really," she says.

"Physically," he says softly.

"I feel like I'm working through the results of some drug," she says, starting to dress.

"Me too," he agrees, pausing for a moment or two before he puts the rest of the clothes on.

"Jackson? Vala? Where are you?" Cam's voice says from the entrance of the temple.

"Hey, don't come in!" Daniel calls out.

The approaching footsteps stop. "You guys okay in there?" Cam's voice asks, obviously confused.

"Ah… I don't know if 'okay' is the word, but we're going to come out there soon…" Vala says, and Daniel is more than a little bit worried that there was no sexual innuendo in it.

"What's the hold up? We've been looking for you for hours," Cam says, still not advancing.

"We're getting dressed," Daniel says as he hops into his BDU pants. He gets a glare from Vala for that comment. Well, did she really think they were going to get out of here without telling their teammates?

"You guys were getting busy on a mission?" Cam's voice says, furious.

"Not on purpose," Daniel says, earning a frightened look from Vala. He's not quite so sure that this is real for her yet.

The click of a radio, "Teal'c, I found 'em in the temple by the hill. You might want to come over here. Some pretty strange stuff is going on."

"You good?" Daniel asks, not quite willing to glance at Vala until he knows that she is dressed.

"Not really, but let's go," she says, taking a step toward the opening of the temple. She stumbles a bit on the way to the door, and Daniel catches her. She wants to pull away from his contact, but whatever happened here, was not his fault.

Cam's face is concerned, and the rest of the team isn't there, yet. "What happened?"

"We don't remember, and we're a little woozy from the effects of drugs," Daniel says.

"Okay, can I ask if…" Cam begins.

Daniel interrupts, "I think we can save more details for Dr. Lam." He doesn't want to have to put Vala through any more talking about it than he has to.

Cam nods. "Is there some sort of technology in there we should check out?"

Daniel has a memory flash of a light beam coming down from the ceiling.

"I don't think anyone else should go in there," Vala says, doing a self-hug that is a good impression of Daniel.

"Okay, let's wait for Teal'c, get back to the base, and we can send people back here if we need to," Cam says.

Daniel nods, his eyes glancing to the description on the wall by way of distraction. He reads it by accident. He can't help but translate the Goa'uld inscription.

"Oh, crap," he says.

Vala's eyes flit to the inscription as well. She immediately bends over and loses her lunch.

"What?" Cam asks with concern. About this same time, Teal'c comes running up.

"What's wrong?" he says, holding back Vala's hair.

"Oh, crap." Daniel says.

"I told you not to go into the temple," Vala says, spitting at the ground ferociously.

"Oh, crap, oh, crap," Daniel repeats.

"Jackson!" Cam demands.

"It's the Goa'uld answer to Asgard cloning," Daniel mutters.

"Apparently I'm pregnant," Vala adds.

"And it sounds like it will be a short pregnancy," Daniel mutters.

Vala doubles over in another attempt at throwing up, but it's just dry heaves. Damn it, Vala thinks, it's a crappy day not to do my hair up in pig tails.

"Vala, you're on the birth control shot, you might not actually be pregnant," Teal'c points out as he continues to hold the hair.

"How do you know about her birth control?" Daniel mutters. He's dating her, and he doesn't even know.

"Wouldn't you like to know," Vala teases.

"I have become Vala MalDoran's source of 'girl talk' since Colonel Carter relocated," Teal'c replies.

"Well, of course this machine was built by people who didn't use Earth birth control, but it claims that it has the ability to over ride any birth control out there."

"How fast is this pregnancy going to go, Jackson?" Cam asks.

"Looks like days," Daniel says softly.

"Well, let's get her back to the 'gate," Cam says, concern crinkling in the corners of his eyes.

"Days? I've been pregnant before, you know, and Adria took a lot out of me, but it was months! Can I even survive days?" she asks.

"Would you like me to carry you?" Teal'c offers, clearly as worried as the rest of them.

"I'm fine," she says.

Daniel hands her a power bar, obviously trying to replenish what she lost on the ground.

-0-

"Blood work for both of you, and an ultrasound for Vala," Dr. Lam orders. The rest of SG-1 hangs back, realizing their post-mission physicals are going to wait. They stand protectively around Vala.

"Do you guys mind waiting outside?" Vala pleads.

"No problem," Cam says, sympathetic to the intimidate exam that will no doubt happen soon.

Daniel extends his arm, and a nurse takes blood, and he quickly makes his own exit from the room.

"She's going to need a lot of food, that kid is growing fast. Teal'c, can you take care of that?"

"Indeed," he nods, and starts heading out.

"Cam, you stay with her?" he asks softly.

"Yeah, what are you going to do?"

"Stuff," Daniel says cryptically, running off.

"You get that it's your kid, too, right?" Cam calls after him.

Daniel ignores him, and keeps running down the hallway.

-0-

"Morning sunshine," Cam says.

"Sorry, I must have fallen asleep," Vala says, starting to sit up.

"It's okay, you're growing a human," Cam replies, offering her the food that Teal'c dropped in not long ago.

She takes a bite of the food.

"Carolyn said the kid was fine," he says.

"Yeah, just growing quick and making me really sick," Vala mutters, holding her stomach.

"Lam gave you this," he says offering her a sucker, "It's to settle the stomach of pregnant women."

"Where is Daniel?" she asks looking around.

"I'm not really sure," he hedges. Vala looks really disappointed. "Look, Vala, I get that you don't really want to talk about what happened, but I have to ask you if Jackson did anything wrong."

"Besides poking his nose into a temple? No," she says.

"I've also got to ask, since I know you too are dating, this wasn't some kinky consensual thing was it?" Cam presses.

"No, Daniel and I… we didn't do that yet, and Daniel would never do that on an alien planet. He won't even kiss me on base."

Cam nods.

"He doesn't want kids," she says.

Cam raises his eyebrows, surprised that they've had that discussion already. "I think I can guess your feelings on terminating pregnancy based on Adria."

"Well, I am exactly the sort of kid that would have been aborted, so…" she says softly.

"Well, I'm glad your momma chose to have you, and I'm glad that kid gets to live too," he says, indicating her stomach.

Vala smiles, but she looks absolutely terrified.

"You know we're all going to help you out, even if Jackson's got his head up his ass too join the party."

Vala pops the sucker into her mouth to settle her stomach, and end the conversation.

-0-

"Vala," she hears, realizing that she must have fallen asleep again. The smell of roast beef fills the air, and she starts to shovel it in about the time that she opens her eyes. "The baby okay?" Daniel's voice asks.

She nods.

"Good," he says.

She wants to ask him where he ran off to earlier, but she doesn't want to cry in front of him, so she's not going to bring it up.

"How are you doing?" he asks so gently that she meets his eyes.

"Nauseous, hungry, exhausted, and hormonal," she responds.

"Yeah, it's going to be a tough couple of days, but we're sure it won't do any permanent damage," he assures her.

She glances at the IV that must have been attached to her arm when she was asleep.

"You were a little low on the fluids," Daniel explains.

"For the record, your kid is a pain in the ass," she jokes, "Pregnancy messes with the body, because you need hormones to keep your body from rejecting the invader. It's too fast for your body to adjust. My body has three days. So I get nine months of sickness in three days."

"Vala, I'm sorry about what happened on the planet. I should have read the outside of that damn temple before we went in," he says softly.

"I'm not sure this is something to apologize for," she mutters.

"Oh, really? I would think that for someone with a long history of rape, being drugged and having sex would maybe be a big deal," he says softly, reveling his damage.

"Okay, that part is bad, but the baby… I don't want you apologizing about this baby," she says, her mother bear coming out as she takes a vicious bite of the roast beef.

"Can I at least feel bad about how it's going to put you through hell for a few days?" he asks.

She nods her head. "I got one long pregnancy with a short child-raising. Hopefully this time it will be the other way around in both accounts."

He smiles at pats her hand.

"Look, this was really not your fault, and we both know how you feel about kids. You don't have to sit next to me for the next three days while I'm an absolute mess, okay? We're barely together, and without the Ori threatening me, I don't need a man to raise a baby."

He sighs, "You know where I went this morning?"

She shakes her head, and he pulls a bag off the floor. It's got all sorts of cartoon characters. "Diapers, onesies, rags to catch various bodily fluids, all the stuff we're going to need when our kid arrives in a few days."

"Daniel, you're not going to stay with me forever just because some alien temple made you knock me up," she says.

"Okay, how about I stay with you because I have feelings for you, and we were pursuing a relationship before. We can fret about the forever part at some later point when we're ready to think about it. And maybe I want to be with this baby because it's my kid."

"You don't want kids," she objects quietly.

"Things change," he mutters.

"So the temple scrambled your brain?" she asks.

"I don't have any family. Not one soul, apart from him," Daniel indicates her stomach.

"Or her," Vala says.

"Right, or her," he says with a smile.

She scoots over on the hospital bed, and pats the spot next to her. He crawls up next to her without any of his typical objections and wraps one arm around her shoulder, and the other around her waist squishing around until they got comfortable.

She rests her head on his heart, and drifts back off to sleep. Growing a baby in three days is tough work.


	104. Not a Date

I wanted to be nice, and take her off base. She's still not allowed to leave it without someone supervising her, and she doesn't have any money yet. We're still working on getting her an identity, and after that we're going to get her back-pay.

Well, back-pay for everything but the time she kidnapped me. I'm not going to pay her for that.

Her getting kidnapped was totally my fault. I never should have taken her off base. She was put in danger because of my actions.

We're going to find her, soon, and we're going to make sure that she is safe.

-0-

I refuse to believe that she is dead. She's a survivor. She has been through a lot worse than that explosion.

-0-

We were so close. Someone posing as Sam came and got Vala out of a police station just minutes before we arrived.

-0-

I know her, and I trust her, even with her memory gone. She pointed a gun on me, but I know she never would have used it.

-0-

So now I have the full story on what Vala did when she had no memory. Note to self, never get on Vala's bad side.

-0-

 _Jack Joke:_

 _How can you tell a Jaffa is planning strategy?_

 _He's breathing._


	105. Growth

"How are you doing?" Lam asks, coming in the room. She's surprised to see Daniel in bed with Vala. She's also surprised to see the tiny swell in Vala's belly.

Vala's eyes open, and she says, "Well, the nausea is gone. The hunger is not."

Daniel jumps out of the bed, "I'll fetch you something. Do you have any particular craving?"

"Ice cream," Vala says.

"Double chocolate fudge brownie?" Daniel says.

She nods eagerly.

-0-

"Can I get out of this infirmary?" Vala asks restless.

"I don't see why not, provided you rest and eat a lot," Lam says cautiously. "I'd like for you to check in every four hours for blood work and an ultrasound, though. Right now, the baby seems to be growing at the rate that we would expect based on the writings on the temple. But we want to continue monitoring."

"Ok," Vala says, hopping down from the exam table and using her legs for the first time in over twenty-four hours. She cannot wait to get to her quarters, because another super side effect of pregnancy began. She has never been this horny, damned pregnancy hormones.

She runs into Daniel leaving the infirmary. Literally. "Where are you going?" he asks, catching her carefully.

"I'm just going to my quarters."

"Okay, I'll come with," he says cheerfully.

 _Oh God no_ , Vala thinks to herself, but she smiles.

-0-

 _If I pretend to sleep, he'll leave_ , Vala tells herself. Nope. He's just going to sit there and breathe. Even his freaking breath turns me on.

Vala sits up, "I'm sorry Daniel, but if I don't masturbate right now, I am honestly going to die."

He laughs, and then approaches the bed, "I could help you with that."

"Daniel, I'm embarrassed enough. We've never done anything, and just because this damned kid is making me go insane…"

"After the baby is born so many wonderful options are going to be closed off to us for six long weeks."

"We're on-base," Vala objects.

"At this point it's an urgent medical issue, not our fault," he teases. "If you want this…"

Vala nods her head, and Daniel leans over to give him a kiss.

-0-

Afterward they dress themselves quickly, no need to increase their risk of getting caught, but he doesn't return to the chair. He just spoons her with his hand on her belly which has bloomed in the last few hours.

"There is a crib in my room," she observes.

"It's on wheels. I didn't know whose quarters you'd be more interested in staying in. I got another for my apartment. I figured we'd want to take the baby off base."

She relaxes against him, feeling safe and comfortable for the first time since this all happened. The baby kicks inside of her.

"Wow, soccer star," he giggles excitedly.

"Yeah, he's quite the kicker," Vala says.

"We know it's a he?" he asks, surprised.

"Yeah, sorry, you were getting my ice cream when I found out. I thought I told you, but in my defense I have super pregnancy brain."

"Well, I would have found out tomorrow, anyway," he points out.

"Yeah, I should probably sleep, knowing that labor is probably coming my way in a little more than 24 hours."


	106. Growth Deleted Scene

_Here is the "M" version of the part I skipped over in the last chapter. Skip if ya want._

Daniel kneels next to Vala on the bed, and reaches for the buttons of her BDU top.

"Oh, no. My boobs are all disgusting and pregnant-y," Vala whines.

"Okay, I think they are huge, and beautiful and…" Daniel drifts off as his eyes focus on her chest.

"Daniel, I know you are a big fan of boobs, but can we focus?" she asks.

"Sorry, yeah," he says, leaning over her and kissing her.

"Six months of pregnancy hormones all at one second, Daniel, and you're not helping right now," she says, shoving a hand into her BDU pants.

Daniel laughs, grabbing the waistband of her pants and pulling them off her in one movement. Her hand is working herself over lacey underwear.

"Do you want to do this yourself?" he asks, somewhat insecurely, at her desperation.

She shakes her head against the pillow, and he sits on the bed next to her. He crocks his finger on the crotch of her panties, and pulls them off in one frantic movement.

"Daniel Jackson has moves. I did not see that coming," Vala mutters.

A thumb moves to her clit, and fingers pump inside her, driving her to a quick orgasm that has been building for hours in the infirmary as she tried to ignore it.

"I am not usually this easy," she says, embarrassed about the hormone-induced neediness that led to sex.

"Do you want to be done, or are we doing round two?" he asks.

"Get out of those pants, boy," she says, and he eagerly complies.

"We're not going to hurt the baby are we?" he asks with trepidation as he hovers over her.

"No, but I'd like to be one top so I don't put any pressure on him," she says, making him eagerly roll over on his back on the other side of the bed.

"I don't have any fancy underwear-removing moves," she says, glaring at his boxers.

He shimmies himself out of them with her on top of him, which causes all kinds of interesting touching.

She makes an exaggerated moan, and rolls her eyes back in her head.

"Please don't act like a porn star," he pleads.

"You think I'm like a porn star?" she says with a wide grin.

"No, I think you're trying to act like a porn star, because you think it turns guys on. Well, it just makes me feel sorry for you, and feeling sorry for you turns me off."

Vala stares at the wall awkwardly as she continues the motion with her hips.

"What are you doing now?" he asks, laughing.

"You're not allowed to laugh at me jerk! I don't know what to do when I'm not trying to make all the faces and sounds that guys like."

"Look in my eyes," he says.

She does for a few minutes before she laughs and looks away.

He grabs one of her hands, and says, "Vala."

Vala's eyes flit to his.

"Different, huh?"

"We don't even have our shirts off, and I've never felt so naked," she whispers. They continue, eye locked until she makes a moan which has nothing of the affected porn star sound to it, and collapses upon him, spent.

He kisses her forehead, and gently rolls her off of himself. He picks their clothes off the floor, dressing her before himself. He crawls next to her, and spoons her. He runs a hand through her hair with long, slow strokes before reaching his hand over her stomach and fanning his fingers out over her belly.


	107. With the Oraci

I couldn't write while Adria was with me. I was trying to fool her, you know. Now it's hard to know what I should write down. Most of it is gone, the things that Merlin dumped into my brain, the things that came with being a Prior. Even the time with Adria is fuzzy.

There was a lot of being interrogated, and a lot of sleeping while she tried to steal my dreams. There is something childlike in Adria, despite the whole evil super-intelligent bit. She's a little bit gullible for a mind-reader.

Thank god, because that is the only reason that I am still alive.

-0-

They need to believe me. They need to trust me. Why can't they trust me just this once? Haven't I done enough to earth their trust? Teal'c and Jack trusted me, but Vala didn't. Seriously? She's the one that doesn't trust?

-0-

 _Notice: Whoever stole every pen in the office, please return them._


	108. Full Term

"Are you ok in there?" Daniel asks with a tentative knock at the door.

"It's fine, Daniel. I've just decided that getting off and on the toilet is too much trouble, and I'm going to spend the rest of my pregnancy peeing."

Daniel laughs, "I know it feels like that, but the baby probably needs you to eat another meal."

"How important is his liver? I mean, does he really need to have one?" she teases.

"I'm coming in to help you," he warns.

"I'm coming out," she sighs, and the sound of flushing and washing hands corroborates her story.

"Hungry?" he asks.

She wants to say no. She wants to be difficult. But she is, and whatever she had Teal'c bring her from the officer mess smells flipping awesome.

She bites in, and begins to cry.

"What's wrong?" Daniel asks concerned.

"Nothing!" she exclaims.

He giggles ever so slightly.

"Shut up! Stupid hormones!" she mumbles.

"It's okay, it's almost over," he assures her.

"I don't want it to be over," she sobs, "I carried Adria with me for nine months. I felt like I knew her before she was ever born, and I still lost her."

"Okay, well, by 'over' I meant the pregnancy, not our son. He's going to be here for a really long time."

"I'm sorry for crying," she says.

"Don't be, I'm in for all the hormones or whatever," Daniel says.

"Daniel…" she sighs, biting into a hunk of meat, "Get Carolyn. I've got some labor pains, and based on the way the rest of this pregnancy has gone, it's going to be a short one."

He takes off running.

-0-

"Vala, you can't push, you hear me. Do not push right now," Carolyn says.

"My body isn't exactly obeying my commands not to. I feel this incredible urge to push," Vala whines, biting her lip hard.

"Well, you need to make it obey you," Carolyn commands.

"What's wrong?" Daniel asks frantically.

"She is not dilated enough. The baby is coming before her body has time to be ready for it," Carolyn says.

"C-section, you have to do a c-section," Daniel commands.

"It's too late for that," Carolyn says.

"I have to push," Vala pleads.

"No, you have to wait," Carolyn says.

"My baby needs out, I have to let him out," she tells the doctor. Then she grabs onto Daniel's arm, "You're going to take care of him, right?"

"We both are, Val, just be patient," Daniel pleads.

Instead Vala bends over and pushes, letting out a giant scream as the baby slides into the world. Carolyn hands the baby to one of her nurses, and commands another, "She needs stitches." She looks at Vala, "You stupid stubborn idiot, that kid could have waited a few minutes at least. She's going to need some blood," Carolyn continues to another nurse while she begins stitches.

"That's a lot of blood," Daniel points out, "She has lost a lot of blood."

"Yeah, thank you, I'm quite aware," Carolyn says.

"Daniel, you have to go see if the baby is ok," Valaokay," she says, gripping his hand.

"You are losing a lot of blood. I'm going to hang out here for a while," he says, gripping her hand.

"Daniel, go take care of your baby," Vala insists as she passes out.

"Vala! Vala!" he shouts, "Carolyn."

"I know Daniel, go wait in the hall," she says, working faster.

"I'm not leaving her," he says firmly, planting his feet. "The healing device," he blurts out.

"Usually run by Vala," Carolyn points out.

"Who else has naquadah in their blood? You know what? I'll just inject myself with it…" he says.

"Daniel, so help me, I will sedate you if you don't shut up, and let me focus on my stitching. She's going to make it," Carolyn says.

"You're sure?" he asks.

Carolyn shoots him a glare that shuts him up.

A few minutes later, Carolyn pulls off gloves soaked in blood and tosses them in the trash. She reaches over and checks the blood that is draining into Vala.

"She's still not awake," Daniel protests when she starts to walk away.

"Well, she just had a traumatic birth, she's sleeping. She's fine, I'm going to go see how your son is doing. Are you staying or coming?" she asks with an eyebrow raise.

"Staying," he says, grabbing Vala's hand.

"You're going, you idiot," Vala's voice mutters.

"Vala," he says.

"She told you I'm fine, and you need to go figure out if our kid has some sort of weird space disease," she mutter again, opening her eyes.

He wipes the hair away from her eyes.

"Daniel, so help me, you will go check on your son," she says, sounding exhausted. He just squeezes her hand. So she makes a motion to sit up.

"You just about bled out, why are you getting up?" he asks in alarm.

"They only gave me one unit of blood. I'm sure I wasn't about to bleed out, and if you're not going to take care of our kid, I will."

"I'm going, you just lay down," he pleads.

She nods her head. There is no way that she could actually get up right now.

"How is he?" Daniel asks the nurse, who has one hand resting on his screaming infant's chest while the other rests beside.

"We won't know much until after the blood tests," she ways.

"You've got the blood?" Carolyn says, scooping in to take the infant from her.

"Yes, ma'am," the nurse says.

"Apgar?" Carolyn asks with urgency that makes Daniel's heart go cold.

"7," the nurse replies.

"Get the blood to the lab please, run a rush. I want to know all the usual things, as well as nanites. Check him for nanites," Carolyn commands.

"What's wrong with him?" Daniel asks.

She turns to him and smiles, "He looks fine." She holds the baby in one hand, and pulls a stethoscope out to check the heartbeat with one hand. She nods, and then checks on the nurses' handwork with the baby's brand new belly button.

"You want to hold him?" Carolyn asks him.

"Can I take him over there?" Daniel asks, indicating Vala with his head.

She nods.

He sits down on the stool next to Vala, and she opens her eyes. "That my kid?" she asks.

He nods his head, "You want to hold him."

"Not yet, but just move so I can see…" she pleads. He tilts his son up, and she starts to bawl. He's alarmed by the intensity of the tears, and prays it's just the pregnancy hormones wearing off.


	109. Jacek

We're about to meet Vala's father. That should be an adventure.

-0-

Jacek honestly wants to bribe me to "trick" Vala into spending time with him. Are you kidding me? He's also running a bunch of scams out of his apartment. The fact that she grew up with this explains so much.

-0-

I want her to understand that her father isn't that different from her. He screwed up, he did. But she has to understand where he is coming from.

-0-

 _Notice: Do I need to put every person on the base through my "How Earth Works" course? If not, flush the toilets._


	110. Gramps

"What the hell?" the voice on the phone bellows at him.

"Well, hello to you, too, Jack," Daniel whispers, hoping he'll pick up on the fact that he's trying to let the baby sleep.

"You had a baby? What were you thinking? You do realize this makes me a freaking _Grandfather_ , right?"

"Well Gramps, it wasn't exactly planned," he mutters, moving himself as far away from the baby as he can, trapping himself in the corner of the room. Vala isn't allowed out of the infirmary yet. Her body hasn't had enough time to prepare for the rapid birth, and she needs a little extra recovery time. Daniel, however, has been allowed to take his son home with him.

"Right, alien temple, three-day pregnancy?" Jack asks.

"Sounds about right," Daniel mutters.

"Why didn't you tell me?" and this time Jack's voice is calm and sympathetic, and kind.

"It was fast, Jack. I was pretty busy."

"Still, I had to hear from Teal'c, and he assumed I already knew," Jack says sadly.

"I'm sorry," Daniel says.

"So the kid's good? You can cook 'em up that quick?" Jack asks.

"Yeah, it was pretty hard on Vala, but she made it," Daniel says.

"Was there ever any question?" Jack asks, like it was a joke.

Silence greets him.

"How bad was it?" Jack says, the humor gone from his voice.

"I don't know, Jack. Carolyn and Vala both claim I was freaking out about nothing, and I've only ever delivered three babies, but there was a lot of blood."

"You should have called me, Daniel. We're supposed to be family."

"Right, but that was because you read my wussy little journal about how I didn't have any family."

"Daniel, that's not why I said those things. I said them because…" Jack takes a huge breath, "Because I'm done with the being lonely crap. I want a family, and you want a family, and damn it, why can't we have that?"

"I'm sorry I didn't call you Jack. I was a whole pregnancy jammed into three days, and I was just trying to get us through it."

"You're missing the whole point of family, Daniel. It wouldn't have been adding things on to your life. Family helps you. I would have been there for you Daniel."

Daniel blinks in surprise, "It's been a while since I had family."

"Okay, can we come now? Liz and I could come for what… a week, two? Having a new that quick baby has got to be tough."

"I've got it covered," Daniel says, a little defensively.

"It's not about that, Daniel," Jack says, now getting stubborn, "I want to see this little baby, and I want to feed it at 3am. I want to be your family, and as much as you think you've got this covered, that little baby is going to kick your ass. Babies _need_ families. How dare you take that from your son, or for that matter my daughter?"

"Okay, Jack if you really want to come," Daniel surrenders.

"How is the kid? What is his name?" Jack asks.

"Well, he doesn't have a name yet; like I said, we've been pretty busy. He's good, though. 7 pounds 10 ounces. He had this crazy traumatic birth, and at first he was a little weak and he had some blue toes, but he pulled out of it really fast. The nanites are all inactive now, so that's good," Daniel says proudly.

His son screams from across the room, and Daniel runs over to pick him up.

"Danny boy, did you even want kids?" Jack asks.

"I really didn't think so," Daniel says.

Jack grins in relief at the past tense verb, "It kind of sneaks up on you, doesn't it? That powerful kinda love."

"Yeah," Daniel says bouncing the kid, "Jack, I think its feeding time for my son, and I can't do that one handed."

"Okay, I've got to figure out some way to explain your instant baby to Liz. You got any ideas on that front?"

"No, Jack, and it really doesn't seem like an easy task," Daniel points out.

"Oh, what we do for family," Jack mutters.


	111. Auntie

"Are you sure that I can go to the Airport and pick them up?" Daniel asks nervously.

"Daniel, I am not made of glass, go get Jack," Vala insists.

"You haven't been alone since the baby came," he says gently.

Her face gets a little sad, "Honey, what you saw in the delivery room. That's not what someone should see after a couple of weeks of dating. You watched me get 12 stitches in an area you've barely got to enjoy. I get that you're freaked out."

"I just worry about you," he says, giving her a quick kiss.

"Daniel, I'd understand it… You saw what happened down there. It's going to be a while before I'm back in commission, and when I am… it might never be the same. I would understand if you wanted to be done with me. We can just be friends raising a kid if you want."

He closes his eyes in that long blink, "I'll admit that what happened in the delivery room scared the shit out of me. The reason is because I thought I was losing you. And if you think my concern for your stitches has anything to do with sex, you are freaking nuts. Now, I'm going to go get my family from the airport; are you good with the baby, or should I take him?"

"I've got him," she says.

-0-

"You have got to be kidding!" Liz says, running over to Daniel and giving him a huge hug, while rubbing his head in the form of a nudge. "You knocked up your girlfriend."

"Liz," Jack scolds.

"What? He's the one who did it, and he doesn't get scolded? But I'm not even allowed to talk about it?"

"He's in his forties, and you're a child," Jack says, "Besides, we're not going to tease Daniel about this baby. He didn't want kids. He accidently made a baby. Now he wants kids. It's a cause to celebrate."

Liz raises her eyebrow at him.

"And… the kid and mother almost died, so we don't make jokes about it," Jack says.

"Okay, I might have exaggerated when I talked to you about how freaked out I was about the birth," Daniel hedges, embarrassed and hoping that Jack doesn't mention this in front of Vala.

"Let's go met this kid!" Jack says, slapping Daniel's back.

-0-

They hear the crying before they even open the door to Daniel's apartment. Vala is in the kitchen warming up a bottle, rocking the baby in the crook of her arm and crying.

"Hey, what's wrong?" he asks, coming up behind her in a hug.

"I tried to clean before they got here, and he won't stop crying. You leave me alone with the kid for a few minutes, and he cries," she says, leaning back against him.

"I don't know if you noticed, babe, but the kid's been crying since he entered the world. You've still got all sorts of pregnancy hormones going on right now, but you're a great mother. Okay?" he says.

"And I'm pretty sure the reason that we came here was to help with stuff like cleaning. You don't have to clean up for family, girl," Jack says, "Now, are you going to hand my grandbaby over?"

"Grandbaby?" Vala asks.

Jack nods confidently, "I've decided to embrace the title."

Vala passes the boy over to Jack, and goes back to heating up the milk.

"Hey, little guy, you made your Mama cry there. Pretty despicable behavior, if you ask me," Jack says, pulling the baby close to his body. The tears stop.

"Jack, you never mentioned you had magical baby-hushing powers," Daniel says in awe.

"This is why you call me when you have major life events, Danny boy, remember," he says, glaring at him. "Liz, you want to come sit next to your nephew, or you wanta do a load of laundry first?"

"Laundry," Liz says practically running out of the room.

"She's scared of babies," Daniel observes.

"I picked that up on the airplane," Jack agrees, "We're going to milk it."

"That's mean," Daniel says with a laugh.

"I'm sorry, do you want to clean your apartment?" Jack says.

"We fix her phobia after," Daniel agrees.

"That's my boy," Jack says, and it warms Daniel's heart to hear it. Jack declared them family a while ago, but this is the first time there has been any father/son language between them.

Vala hands Jack the baby bottle.

"Sit down and rest. I heard about your crazy amount of stitches, girl," Jack says to her.

"Daniel is a wuss who can't take blood," Vala quips.

"Rest," Jack insists.

"You are not _my_ father, mister," Vala says, pushing a finger into his chest.

"No, not yet," Jack responds with a cheeky grin.

-0-

"You got a name for this little guy?" Jack asks.

"Well, on my world you tend to name babies after family members. I am so not naming him after my dad, and Daniel doesn't like either his father's name or yours."

Jack shoots Daniel a look, which Daniel thinks means he's offended, "Jack, it's not like I _hate_ your name, it's just…"

"I'm honored you even considered it. I'm obviously not a huge fan of my name or I wouldn't have been going by Jack this whole time."

"I like Matthew," Daniel says.

"Matty," Jack says to the baby, earning a wiggle. "The kid approves." He looks up at Daniel, and sees a strange face, "But Daddy doesn't. No nickname."

"No, it's not that. It's just… my parents used to call me Danny. To everyone else in my life, I've been Daniel… five seconds in your arms, and he's got a nickname too."

"You know that Jack calls you Danny sometimes, right?" Vala points out.

Daniel nods. Then he turns back to Jack, "Jonathan means 'given from God. Matthew means "gift of God". So I would still kind of be naming him after you," Daniel says.

"And it's a hell of a lot better sounding then 'Melburn'," Vala adds.

"Which means 'mill stream'," Daniel says with a nose crinkle.

"I finished the dishes, I'm going to scrub down the bathrooms," Liz says, poking her head in that room.

"Okay," Jack says with a smile.

"Jack," Daniel warns, "We can't let her clean our toilet."

Jack rolls his eyes. "Liz, come here."

Panicked eyes.

"Come meet Daniel's little baby," Jack says.

"I'm good," she fidgets.

"Come on, he doesn't bite," Jack says.

"Well, actually he did a number on my breast earlier. He nearly gummed me to death," Vala offers. Both men stare at her in horror, but Liz laughs. She slumps into a chair, relaxing.

"I'm more afraid of what I will do to him," Liz admits.

"Well, here is the thing. We trust you, and this little baby is safe with you," Jack says, standing up and walking across the room. He transfers the baby to her hands with the last word.

"Take him back," she pleads with a terrified look on her face. He starts to cry, and Liz looks like she's going to.

"Hold him closer," Jack instructs, and Liz obeys. The kid goes from crying to a whimper.

"You're worth trusting," Jack tells her, and the tears falling down her face have nothing to do with the kid.

"I actually think that we should have let her scrub the toilet before we offered emotional healing," Vala says with a shoulder shrug.

Liz reaches out, and kicks her without getting out of the chair.

"I like her," Jack says with a nod to Daniel. Then Jack turned to Vala, "You mentioned breast feeding, but that bottle didn't smell like breast milk."

"Yeah, well it was a pretty failed attempt. Apparently my body couldn't adjust to the pregnancy that quick, despite Daniel hooking me up to the milking machine."

"I think I am too young to hear about this," Liz objects with a crinkle of her nose.

"Oh, no, you are way too young to have sex, but to hear about all the unpleasant side effects? You are just about the right age," Jack teases.

Liz rolls her eyes. "So how come the pregnancy was so quick?"

"It's classified, sweetie. But it was a disease that made it happen quick, and made the birth be pretty…" Jack begins.

Daniel coughs to end the sentence.

Vala rolls her eyes, "Daniel you are way too much of a pussy. The birth was fine."

Liz giggles at the word 'pussy', and Jack glares at her.


	112. Pancakes

"Jack," Vala says, tapping the man on the couch.

"Hum?" he asks, confused. Why is this woman that he barely knows waking him up in the middle of the night?

"I need you to take me to the infirmary," she says.

"What!" he jumps up.

"Shh! I woke you up because I didn't want Daniel to panic. If you're going to panic, I might as well have got him. I'm fine. I just popped one stitch. Carolyn said it was bound to happen."

Jack nods. He knows that Daniel is more panicky about this than is strictly necessary. "Leave him a note, because if he wakes up and you're gone, you are really going to see a freak out."

-0-

"What the hell!" Daniel shouts.

"We forgot to remove the note when we got back," Jack says to Vala.

Daniel bursts out of the room, and almost makes it to the door before he realizes the kitchen is full of his family eating pancakes.

"Was this a joke?" he asks, shaking a sticky note at them.

Liz, who is closest, grabs it from his hand, "Gone to the infirmary. Don't fret?" she says with a raised eye brow.

"No, we just got back already," Vala says.

"What's wrong?" Daniel asks with no small amount of alarm.

"Nothing, I just popped a stitch. Jack took me in, because I was trying to avoid the panic."

"You're okay now?" he asks concerned.

She nods, and he seems to relax.

"I don't get it. Why would you need stitches after having a…" Liz's eyes grow huge, "Oh my God! That is the most horrible thing I've ever heard of! They do that? They stick a needle there?!"

"Twelve stitches," Vala says proudly.

"I am never having kids," Liz says.

"That is exactly the position that I want you to have for about a decade," Jack says. "Okay, now that everyone is awake, I've got a big announcement. Or offer, maybe. Well, it's from both Sam and I, really. You guys know that it usually takes six months before you can start the adoption process, but I have friends in high places, namely former presidential places."

"Wait, you know a former president? Which one?" Liz interrupts.

"The last one. Anyway, it allowed me to skip a couple steps in the process. If you want to make this a 'forever' kind of deal, we could set up an adoption for a few weeks from now."

"Seriously?" Liz asks uncertainly.

"Yeah, if it's what you want," Jack says, confused by her facial expressions - or rather lack thereof.

She nods eagerly.

"And, apparently you can legally adopt adults," Jack says.

"What?" Daniel says in shock.

"You can legally adopt adults. Cassie already said 'yes', and is filling out the paperwork. I've got some for you, too, if you want it."

"Is this a joke?" Daniel asks.

"Nope."

"I guess I never realized you were serious about this whole family thing," Daniel says.

"Serious, Danny boy," Jack says, locking eyes with him.

"You want a triple-adoption with me, girl?" Daniel asks Liz, "I suppose it's only fair I ask you, since Jack asked me before he decided to add you to the family."

"That sounds good," she says.

"If you don't want to share him, you don't have to," Daniel says seriously.

"If you think that it takes a piece of paper to make you family to him, you're crazy. Let's make it official," she declares.

-0-

"Dad!" Liz's voice calls as she comes out of the bathroom. "I'm sorry," she says holding out bleeding arms.

"Ah, shit, I forgot to tell Danny to get the razors out of the bathroom. Danny, you got gauze?" Jack says quickly, pulling rubbing alcohol and Neosporin out of the medicine closet, and washing her arms.

"I've got ACE bandages," Daniel says, going to fetch them.

"Okay, Lizzy hon, your psychologist is too far away to spill your guts too, so you want to tell me why this happened?"

She's silent.

"The adopting bringing stuff up?" he asks.

She starts to cry, flinching at the action of rubbing alcohol being applied to her skin, "I'm sorry."

"Come on love, tell me," he prompts gently, pausing in his cleaning to take the bandages from Daniel.

"It's the same thing. If I had taken good care of my mom she would still be here. I would be with her. I wouldn't be being adopted by you. So I just don't feel like I deserve it."

"Your mom should have taken care of you, and if she was any kind of a mom at all she'd want you to be with someone who can," he says softly.

"I know," she says.

"You don't have to accept this honey. But if I stay just your foster dad, I can never guarantee that you won't be taken from me, maybe without any notice," he says.

"I want forever," she says softly.

"You want to keep her name? I could adopt you, but let you keep her name."

"That would help," she admits.

He wraps her arms up carefully, and then gives her a kiss on her forehead. "You need to go home and talk to the psychologist?"

She shakes her head.

"Listen, I'm sorry, it was my razor," Vala says, reaching past to nab it up.

"It was?" Liz asks, a new thought causing her to tilt her head, "Are you living with Daniel?"

Vala sighs, "It's complicated."

"Not that complicated. It's an address."

"We've got a newborn, and I have twelve stitches. I'm staying with him for a while. Living together? We're too new for that."

"That's something I can't figure out. You just had a baby. Yet, when I met Daniel, like a month ago, you guys had all of this unresolved sexual tension," Liz points out.

"Honey, you'd better understand that in this family there are going to be some unanswered questions. A lot, actually. We can't answer them, through no fault of our own."

"Were you with Daniel before this kid came along?" Liz says, with real concern for her.

"Yeah, love. We were together. This baby is speeding things up, to be sure, but he's not responsible for our first kiss or hand-hold. We're going to be fine. Just don't expect wedding bells quite yet," Vala assures her.

"He wraps me up like it's bubble wrap," Liz says, holding her arms out.

"He thinks that if he takes good enough care of you physically, it will heal all the mental wounds," Vala says.

Liz smiles at that, and touches the bandage with no small amount of reverence.


	113. Adoption 1

"Sam, how exactly did you get here?" Liz asks.

"Magic," Sam says. She may have beamed into her husband's bedroom, but she is under no illusions that their teenage daughter isn't smart enough to figure something weird was happening.

"So, once I'm really yours, do I get to find out what you do for a living?" she asks.

"I wish we could tell you," she responds. "So, I decided to get the three of you 'adoption' presents. This is just my thing, since Jack got to serve you the papers." Sam hands a little box over.

Liz opens the little box, "A nose ring? I had no idea that you were so edgy."

"Well, I'm really not, but my daughter is," she says.

Liz turns to the mirror to remove her stainless steel stud, and replace it with her new amethyst one, "You know you don't have to bribe me. I like you already."

Sam stands behind her daughter, and pulls her hair back from her face smiling, "You look really pretty, hun, and a wit to match. I am so lucky to be your mother," and then a cloud passes over her face.

"What's wrong Sam?" Liz asks catching her new mother's eyes in the mirror.

"I just wish that I could be here more for you. I'm probably not the best mother," she says sadly.

"Samantha, my mother left me alone for a week for the first time when I was six. I called 911 because she overdosed four times by the time I turned twelve. I think you're going to be the winner here," Liz jokes.

"It's not about being the winner, it's…" Sam sighs.

Liz turns away from the mirror, and raises her eyebrows.

"My mom died when I was your age. I don't even know how to do this motherhood thing, and then I'm doing it from across the galaxy," Sam freezes in horror, "The world," she corrects.

"Samantha, you're good at this. I am really grateful to have you in my life," Liz says, giving her a hug.

"Ok, I've got a couple more presents to give," Sam says, shaking a bag.

-0-

"Cassie," Sam says, immediately pulling the girl into a hug, "You know if I knew it was possible to adopt adults I would have done this when you were eighteen."

"Don't worry, you made that really clear when I lived with you after Mom… Janet died."

Sam doesn't miss the verbal hiccup. "You don't have to call me 'mom'."

"Well, you are my third mom. I just… will probably keep calling all three of my moms 'mom', if that's okay?"

"Of course, honey," Sam says. "And I got you a little gift. It matches Liz's nose ring, actually."

"That sounds great, so long as it isn't actually a nose ring," Cassie says.

"Yeah, she is in her own words, a little 'edgy'," Sam says. "Do you like her?"

"I don't really know her," Cassie says.

"Well, she's your sister now. I'd like you to get to know her."

"I plan on stealing her away for frozen yogurt this afternoon. She isn't exactly the sort of person I would be friends with if she wasn't family, but we will be great."

"You're okay with this whole 'instant sister' thing?" Sam asks.

"Yeah, but what is with Daniel's instant kid? That has got to be Stargate-related, right?"

"Yeah."

"So Daniel is my brother now. That's stranger than you guys adopting a kid who is a stranger to me. I mean, I sort of expected that. But… Daniel? I used to call him 'Uncle'."

"The point of this whole thing is family. I am going to be Daniel's mother, and he's only three years younger than me! I'm not going to start thinking of him as my kid, and that baby of his is never going to call me 'grandma'."

Cassie's eyes bulge at that. She had never considered that.

"That will be reserved for your and Liz's kids. But Daniel and I are becoming family today. Complicated family. If you are more comfortable thinking of him as an uncle, that's fine."

"So, is the kid going to call Jack 'Grandpa'?" Cassie asks.

"Apparently. He takes some sort of fiendish delight in calling the kid his grandson. It's weird that my husband is claiming Matty as 'grandkid' when I want to say 'nephew', but that's what this family is."

"That's what you get for marrying someone sixteen years older than you," Cassie teases.

Sam gives her a glare, and then hands her the box.

"Thanks," she says, taking it out, and she holds it out for Sam to put on her neck. Sam kisses her temple, "I almost took you back before Janet did. Did I ever tell you?"

Cassie shook her head.

"I'm glad I didn't. I'm glad Janet got to have a daughter. I wish I could have spared you that pain, of course, but…"

"I don't regret having Janet as a mother," Cassie says, "But I'm really glad I get to have you now."

-0-

"Hey, you guys," Sam says, entering Daniel's room.

"I'll give you guys a few minutes," Vala says, carrying their almost month-old son out of the room.

"Hey, mom," Daniel teases.

"Yeah, we're not doing that, are we?"

"I think it would be best if we didn't," Daniel says with a laugh.

"Okay, but we're family now, right? Officially?"

He nods.

"Okay, so I got the girl jewelry as a present, and I wanted to get you something too, but not a necklace or a nose ring."

"Thank you for small mercies," he mutters.

"It's more than 6000 years old, from Ancient Egypt," she says.

"Oh, you know me well," he says, rubbing his hands together eagerly.

She pulls a document out of the bag in a plastic protector, and hands it over. He starts looking at it eagerly. "I don't think you have enough time to read the whole thing before the ceremony."

"Sam, it's a marriage contract," Daniel says, somewhat befuddled.

"Um… oops?" she giggles.

"So you didn't know?" he asks.

"No, I didn't give you a marriage contract right before I legally adopted you. Our family may be pretty weird and confusing, but not that weird."

"Relax, I didn't think you were trying to propose to me. I just thought you were on Jack's bit about hinting I should marry Vala."

"What?" Sam laughs, "Marry her? You just started dating her, didn't you?" Sam exclaims.

"We also just had a baby."

"Wow, are you actually considering marrying Vala?" Sam says looking at him in shock.

"No, mostly because I'm pretty sure she would run for the hills if I even thought about it."

"So you want to marry Vala?" Sam says, breaking into a grin.

He bites his lip, "I think asking her to move in would be a better first step."

"Aren't she and Matty already living with you?" Sam asks, confused.

"Well, for the last three weeks they've been there, sure. But I think that's more about the crying and the recovery from the birth," Daniel says.

"Well, I guess if it's that serious, maybe you are going to have to share my gift to you after all," she teases.

"You do realize that you have become more and more like Jack ever since you met him, right?" Daniel asks.

"I suppose that's true."

"You know, when you came in here, I shouldn't have called you 'Mom.' I should have spoken for my son, and called you…"

"No," Sam says, cutting him off.

"Grandma," he grins, "Legally, you are about to be a grandma."

"I'm going to go talk to your baby mamma now," she says, by way of revenge.


	114. Adoption II

"So, the famous Cassie," Liz says, poking at her yogurt after they sit in silence for a while.

"Famous?" the college student flinches.

"Well, I don't know. They love you."

"They love you, too," Cassie says in surprise. Was her instant sister seriously jealous of her?

"Right, it's just… You were their first kid."

"Oh, honey. I was never _really_ their kid. I mean, we're doing this Johnny-come-lately thing, but when I was a kid, they weren't my parents. They were like an aunt and an uncle to me. They saw me, maybe once a week. I lived with Sam for a total of five months after my mom Janet died. I get to have a family now, but that was only after losing two families and going several years without a real family. You get to really have them. Like 'every day' have them."

"Well, I get to 'every day have' Jack."

"Right, but that's just because Sam is oversees. She's going to around at some point."

"Maybe. I think it would be easier to understand if I knew where she was."

"I bet it would be," Cassie says, taking a bite of yogurt to hide her giggle.

"You know where she is, don't you?" Liz says in shock.

"Sure, Jack's house," Cassie says, stirring her yogurt and realizing that she screwed up.

"I don't mean right now. You know where she goes when she leaves like a magic trip from their bedroom. You know what both of them do for a living."

"Yeah," Cassie admits.

"So all of that crap about me being the real kid is shit. They told you, and they never told me."

"They didn't tell me. I came from… well, not the place she goes, exactly, but it's all related."

"You know what? We don't have to be friends. Let's just go back to Jack's house," Liz says, shoving the yogurt away from herself.

"I want to be close with you, you're my sister," Cassie objects.

"Well, that's not going to happen," Liz says.

"Liz, I swear the fact that I know what they do for a job doesn't mean they like me more. They love you. You have been all either one of them of them have talked about since you entered their lives."

Liz just glares in silence.

-0-

"How did it go?" Jack asks as soon as they came through the door.

"Whatever!" Liz says, pushing past.

Jack turns to Cassie looking for an explanation.

"She hates me."

"What did you do?" he asks as Sam puts a hand on his arm to try to stop him.

"What did I do? I tried to have a conversation with an angry teenage girl who thinks you love me better because I know your secrets."

"What, she thinks that?" Sam asks.

"Yeah, apparently I'm the 'real' daughter because you don't have to lie to me all the time, even though she gets to actually spend some formative years with you," Cassie blurts.

"Oh, I was really not expecting sibling rivalry. You want to take big sis or little sis?" Sam asks.

Jack points toward Cassie, and Sam walks out of the room.

Cassie glares at Jack, "We don't have to do this, Jack. I'm sorry I got all angry. I shouldn't let her get to me. I'm an adult."

"The point of this is you don't always have to be an adult. Sometimes you can to rely on us for your emotional needs. It's okay for you to be angry that we didn't legally adopt you when Janet died. We didn't know that we could."

"You guys took care of me. I was never alone," she says.

"But we didn't have the legal paper, and that sucks," he says.

"Well, we've got it now," Cassie says with a smile. She glances down the hallway that Liz just walked through, "She hates me."

"That will change when she gets to know you."

-0-

"Liz," Sam says, knocking on her new daughter's bedroom door.

Silence.

"Honey, I'm pretty good at picking locks," Sam says.

It unlocks before she has a chance of proving her words.

"Liz, maybe we should have given you your own day."

Still no answer. Liz plops down on the bed dramatically.

Sam sits on the edge of the bed that her daughter is sprawled on, "Because you have to understand that what we have with you is different then what we have with Cassie or Daniel. I thought you understood that, but maybe we didn't make it clear. They are extended family, and we love them. They're not part of a nuclear family."

"Nuclear families live together."

"We're not the only military family that that isn't necessarily true for," Sam retorts.

"Tell me what country you are in. You don't even have to tell me classified stuff."

"Where I work is classified, honey," Sam says.

"Cassie knows," Liz objects, "Daniel knows, too. Even that Vala creature knows."

"Hey, I don't care how mad you are, you don't get to imply a human is a non-human."

Liz rolls her eyes.

"Honey, what you're saying is valid. But we don't get to choose who gets to find out about what we do. I'll apply for you to get a chance to sign a non-disclosure document, but there are no guarantees. If you want me to quit my job, I will do that for you. I love you and Jack more than anything, and no one is more important than my family. But I somewhat doubt that they would accept if I resigned my commission."

"So you're saying you don't have a choice?" Liz says, confused, moving to make room for her mother.

Sam takes advantage of the space to move in next to her daughter, "I don't know if I have a choice. I know that Jack tried to resign his commission when we first got together, and they said no, and that they might do the same to me."

"You and Jack used to work together?" Liz asks.

Sam cocks her head at her daughter, "I don't know why I should be surprised. I mean, Jack doesn't talk. Yeah, he actually used to be my commanding officer."

"You say that like it's a scandal," Liz objects.

"It sort of is. That's the biggest no-no in the Air Force, but we didn't get together until he wasn't my commanding officer anymore."

"So he was your boss? 'Cause I can't imagine you as, like, a secretary or something. You are like a super powerful woman."

"Well, I was never his secretary, that's for sure. But I wasn't exactly a super powerful woman when we met. Jack is a bit part of why I am as powerful as I am."

"I can't imagine you not being strong," Liz admits.

"When I met Jack I had just got out of a really shitty relationship. I was engaged to a guy who was emotionally manipulative and controlling. I was pissed at the world, and thought all men were jerks who wanted to destroy my career. I met Jack at a formal meeting, and totally misread him. I offered to arm wrestle him, and told him that even though my reproductive organs were on the inside instead of the outside, I was just as good as him."

Liz laughs, "You didn't."

"Oh, I did. They still talk about that where I work," Sam laughs. She studies the girl before her, "You know, when we first started talking about having a kid, Jack and I were teasing each other about what gender we were going to adopt. Jack kind of wanted a son… I think because of Charlie. But I wanted a girl. Not a girly-girl, because God knows I wouldn't know what to do with that. But a girl just exactly like you. And I won because I cried. I probably shouldn't tell my daughter how to manipulate her father," Sam says, pondering.

"Who is Charlie?"

"Oh, Jack _really_ doesn't talk. Charlie was his son. He died when he was nine years old. That is what caused Jack's first marriage to implode."

"I didn't know Jack was married before you," Liz says.

"It's the day for reveals then," Sam says.

"How did Charlie die?"

"Jack blames himself. Charlie got a hold of his gun and shot himself."

"Wow."

"Jack was suicidal after that. It was actually Daniel who talked him out of it. We may have made him officially family today, but really he was family for a long time before that."

"Sometimes I forget that you guys had tragedy before I arrived. I throw these little pity parties about what happened to my mom, I forget that you guys had crap happen to you too."

"Cassie lost a lot before she entered this family. You know about Janet, her adopted mom. But we haven't really talked about the fact that she lost her birth family, and the entire village they lived in. She was eleven years old, and every human she knew died."

"Wow," Liz ponders, "I don't really want you to quit your job for me."

The doorbell rings.

"And that would be the rest of our unofficial family," Sam says, "You feel up to meeting a couple of your parent's nearest and dearest friends?"


	115. SGC United

"I wish to offer congratulations on the expansion of your family," a giant black man with a shiny forehead tattoo proclaims.

"Thanks, T!" Jack says, hugging the man.

"This is your child?" Teal'c says surveying Liz so critically that it makes her nervous.

"Yeah, it's our baby girl," Jack says, wrapping his arm around Sam.

Teal'c grabs the small girl up around the waist and gives her a bone crushing hug.

"Are you okay?" Sam asks with a giggle.

"Yeah, T, don't crush her," a younger man says from behind.

"Cam, I'm so glad you could come," Sam says, opening her arms.

Liz finds herself really hoping that this man is going to hug her to, but he goes for a handshake, and an "I'm glad Sam and Jack found you."

"Hi," she says, hoping her voice wasn't as stunned as it felt like it was, but she was disappointed. Sam gives her daughter a glare. Jack slaps the man on his back, and draws him further into the room, and away from his daughter.

"You know that your little girl has a crush on me, right?" Cam warns awkwardly.

"Yeah, that's an unfortunate development," Jack mutters, "I should get some little girl time before she starts having crushes on people who were adults before she was born."

"You want a drink?" Cameron asks.

"Yeah, I think so."

-0-

Cassie walks over to her new sister awkwardly.

"I'm sorry for the freak-out," Liz says.

"It's fine. I understand. I would get pretty defensive of Sam and Jack if I were your age, too."

"I didn't know about… what you've been through."

Cassie rolls her eyes, "I don't want you to become friends with me because Sam told you to feel sorry for me."

"Well, I don't think I gave you a fair chance before," Liz says.

"You want a re-do? With coffee?" Cassie asks.

Liz nods.

-0-

"Hey, I think he needs a meal," Vala says to Sam, who is holding her son.

"Can I do it?" Sam asks.

"Sure," Vala says, handing the bottle over, "You think about having one of these?"

"A baby? No, Jack and I just got three kids today. We're good for a while, and if we are ever not good, it's going to be another teenager."

"Is this just because Jack is old? He's not too old to reproduce."

"No, it's because I like having older kids. I love the damaged ones, Vala. I always have."

"Well, you are in just the right family if you like the damaged ones," Vala says.

"This little guy is pretty undamaged," she says, gurgling at the baby in her arms.

"Well, give Daniel and I a couple years, and we'll probably have screwed him up pretty royally."

"Oh, I don't think so," Sam laughs. Then she looks at the serious expression of the woman before him, "What?"

"It's just Daniel and I are in a strange awkward place right now. We weren't really together-together before this little man entered the world," Vala says.

"What about now?"

"Now, Daniel won't even touch me."

"You just had a baby not even a month ago. Can you even…?" and Sam decides to end the sentence there.

"I'm not just talking about sex. I mean… he doesn't hold me when we're sleeping anymore. I think he might be re-thinking of this relationship."

"Well, I know for a fact you're very, very wrong about that," Sam says.

"Really?" Vala asks surprised. "You know that for a fact?"

Sam nods confidently.

"You've got to burp him now," Vala says. Sam brings the baby up to her shoulder, and rubs her back.

"So, what exactly did Daniel say?" Vala asks.

"Oh, I am pretty sure that I shouldn't be talking to you about this, but I think he's a little concerned that if he gets serious, you'll get scared."

"Yeah?" Vala asks.

"Yeah," Sam says, "Just don't tell him that I said anything."

Sam is still rubbing the baby's back, and it elicits a sea of spit up. "Definitely teenagers," Sam says with a laugh.

-0-

"Hey, you ok?" Jack asks, entering his bedroom, shocked to see his wife shirtless.

Sam pulls a t-shirt over his head quickly, "I'm fine. The baby just spit up on me."

"The joys of being a grandmother," Jack teases.

"You do not get to use that word with me," she teases back.

"So how are you and Liz?" he asks.

"Good. I told her we would ask the president to see if we can tell her."

"That's probably not going to happen."

"I offered to quit my job for her," Sam says.

"Really?" Jack asks, surprised.

"I offered to quit my job when we started dating, and when we got married and when…"

"I know," Jack interrupts.

"So why wouldn't I be willing to do that for my kid? You two are my priority, always," she says, kissing him. She pulls away to see a weird look on his face. "What?" she insists.

"I was watching you with the baby earlier."

"Yeah?"

"So, you want one of those?" he says with a face covered with guilt.

"Jack, we talked about this."

"Yes, and you're sixteen years younger than me, and you're allowed to change your mind."

"I like our life, and I really like our adult and teenager children. Maybe, at some point in the future we'll have more kids… teenagers… children… something… but no babies." She looks at him, "Jack, do you want a baby?"

"God, no! But I didn't want to cheat you out of anything," Jack says, drawing his wife in for a hug.

"I am really happy with our life," she tells his shoulder.


	116. The Talk

Vala stares at Daniel as he tries to sleep.

"You need something, hun?" he asks.

"I'm cold," she says.

"I'll grab you a blanket," he says, jumping up.

"Can't you warm me up?" she pleads.

He holds out his arms to her, and she cuddles into them, "Why did you stop holding me?"

He nuzzles his chin into her forehead, "I was a little nervous that I'd have a… physical reaction."

"Okay, well, that's sort of to be expected when you're in bed with someone you are attracted to."

"Right, but we can't do anything, it's too soon after the baby," he says.

"Doesn't mean I don't want to know you want it," she says, "Or that we could do something for you," she says, reaching down and grabbing him.

He grabs her wrist, and pulls it away, "No," he whispers.

She pulls away gently, "Daniel, do you want me here?"

"Of course," he says confused.

"I was thinking it might be time for the baby and I to move back on base."

"Is that what you want?" he asks obviously wounded.

"I don't want to live with someone because an alien temple made us have a baby."

"I was under the impression that we were sort of headed in that direction before the instant baby. Did I read it wrong?" he asks.

"No, but the baby sped things along, and I didn't know if you wanted to go back to where we were pre-baby now that we don't have a newborn."

"He's a month old, not a college graduate."

"Daniel, I want to know where we are. You and I. Can we not make this all about Matty? We'll take care of him no matter where we are," Vala pleads.

"Vala, I want _you_ to live with me," he insists.

"Okay," she says cheerfully, jamming herself into his chest. He giggles, and runs his hand through her hair.

"Vala, you know that I have feelings for you, right?" he says softly.

She looks up at his face, hopeful and just a little bit childish. "What sort of feelings?"

"Big serious ones," he says.

"Good, those are the feelings that I have too," she agrees. "I missed being held."

"You should tell me next time."

"I will. I like this talking thing. We should do this talking thing all the time," she mutters.

"I love the way you get when you're half-asleep," he murmurs, snuggling closer to her.


	117. Insecurities

_Another "M" chapter._

"How was your doctor appointment?" Daniel asks when Vala returns to their house. He's laying on the couch with his sleeping son on his chest, and it's pretty much the hottest thing that she's ever seen.

"Good, I'm cleared for action!" Vala explains.

"You're going to go through the gate already? I thought you still had six more weeks of maternity leave."

"Not that kind of action."

"Oh," he says, sitting up quickly and waking his son. "Oops," he says.

She takes him from her husband's arms, and puts him over her shoulder, rocking slightly, "Come on, baby boy. Mommy wants you to go back to sleep now, baby. She wants to spend some time with your Daddy."

The baby goes quiet, and Daniel runs his foot over her knee, "You know that just because you can doesn't mean you have to?"

"I know," she says, looking down at the baby that has fallen asleep in her arms. She stands up, and starts walking him to his crib.

"Do the thing where you rub his back when you put him in the crib," Daniel says, jumping up to follow her.

"Oh, I'm not going to risk him waking up."

-0-

The wrestling around and making out was good before the baby, but now they both want tender. Stroking, petting, the gentle removal of clothing. She stops his hand at the bra, her face going red.

He looks at her critically for some time before he says, "I thought this was all about the super fast pregnancy making you hate your body, but I think you actually hated your body a long time before that. You said the weapons dealer hurt you when you grew boobs."

"I get that you like to stare at boobs. I'll get over it," she says bashfully.

He hands her a shirt back, "It's okay, Vala, we are both a little damaged."

She puts it back on a little bashfully, and they start to shed their pants. She reaches for him, and he grabs her wrists away, pinning them behind her.

She wrests herself from his grasp, panting hard as if she is panicking.

"Vala, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to freak you out."

"No bondage stuff," she says bashfully.

"I'm sorry, it was the grip you used on me. It was the way Hathor touched me. If you flip your wrist," he says, taking her hand, and putting it on himself, "It will be ok."

Vala sighs humiliated at how all of this is going. Daniel sees her worry, "This is going to be ok. We are going to adjust to all the damage other people have done to us."

"No more damage, though," Vala says.

"Nope," Daniel assures her.

She smiles, and takes off her shirt.

"Vala, you don't have to…" he objects, but by then she's unsnapped the bra, and once the boobs are out, Daniel doesn't have enough higher brain function to form a sentence.

"I don't have to be scared in front of you. You're not going to hurt me," she says, rolling over him, and then twisting so he lands on top of her.

He snags a kiss from her before getting a bit more serious.


	118. Wanted

**Wanted:**

Former Space Pirate, SG-1 Member

Mother

Most amazing woman in the universe

 **For:**

Stealing the heart of one archeologist

 **Reward:**

One engagement ring

One marriage

One life together


	119. Answer

Daniel took his son to work this morning, and left a note inviting her to lunch on the base. Everywhere they go, they ask her if she saw it. They hand her copies of the paper. They examine her face to figure out what she is going to say about it. She really wishes that she had a mirror so she could look into it, and figure out how she felt about it.

She sits on the table next to where Daniel is working. He's got a baby strapped to his chest, which is honestly hot enough, but he's looking up at her with this sad wounded scared look that nearly breaks her heart.

"So I'm answering your ad in the paper," she says.

"With a yes or a no?" Daniel asks, still wearing that hopeful wounded look as he stands up in front of her.

"I didn't really see a question. I thought it was more like a position to apply for," she teases.

"Well," and laying a hand on either side of Vala's body, "I guess then I'll have to interview all of the other space pirates, and make sure you're the right one for the job."

"You've fathered children with a lot of space pirates?"

He bobs his head, "Nope, just the one."

"So I was promised some loot. A ring in particular," she says, leaning in to him.

"I see, you'll only accept the position of my wife if there is a bribe."

"A sizeable bribe," she teases back.

He pulls a box out of his pocket, and snaps it open. "Sizeable enough?"

"That will do it," she says, meeting his eyes and using them to let him know that she doesn't care about the ring.

He kisses her gently, and pulls the ring out of the box. He drops it on her way to the finger.

"You would never make it as a space pirate," she says.

He bends over, carefully holding the baby's head as he crawls around to find the ring.

Cam walks into the room, "Whoa, sorry to interrupt. Whatever this is… Jackson why exactly are you crawling around on the floor with a baby?"

"I dropped the damned ring," he mutters.

"Yeah, princess said yes?" he asks.

"I accepted the position as advertised," she says, swinging her legs on the edge of the table and almost hitting her fiancé.

"Well, congratulations, kiddos."

"I got it!" he says holding the ring up victorious over his head.

Daniel stands up, and slips it onto her hand. He glances at Cam, "This isn't going to affect our team will it?"

"No, you're both civilians. If your relationship was going to cause a problem for this team, I would have brought it up with the two of you a long time ago. We're all pretty happy about you. Jack is flying in… said something about cake."

Daniel rolls his eyes, positioning himself between Vala's legs giving her a kiss.

"Okay, I'm going to take off then. I just wanted to warn you that the O'Neills are invading your house," Cam says, walking backward.

Daniel's cell phone rings, and he picks it up, "Jack, I've got some news!"

"You're late in telling me this once again," Jack says.

"Jack, I literally just slipped the ring on her finger like ten seconds ago," Daniel protests.

"You published it in the paper," Jack objects.

"She just said yes," Daniel objects.

Vala takes the phone away from him, wrapping her legs around him, "Hiya, Daddy," she says.

"Dad I'm okay with. Not Daddy, not from you," Jack warns.

"What time are you flying in, Daddy?" Vala asks, reveling in the fact that Jack hates it.

"Six o'clock," Jack says.

"You bringing everyone's favorite teen?" she asks.

"Of course," he says.

"Well, Daniel and I haven't got the celebrating thing done yet, so we'll pick you up at the airport. See you, Daddy," she says clicking the phone closed.

"Don't call him Daddy," Daniel pleads.

"Would you rather I called you that?" she purrs.

"Don't be gross," he says, giving her another peck on the lips. "Listen, I hate to do this to you right now, but I do have work to do. We'd better go to lunch, and then I am going to have to work for a couple hours before we go pick Jack up."

"Well, I may still be on maternity leave, but if I work with you, it should take half the time. It is worth it to get a little time with my fiancé," she says, releasing him from her legs.

"Teal'c offered to watch our son when we went to eat, if we wanted," Daniel says.

"Oh, but you are so hot when you have a baby with you."


	120. Engagement Party

"Jack, why is our whole street covered in cars?" Daniel asks cautiously.

"Good question. I told them to leave a spot for your car," Jack says.

"What did you do?" Daniel insists annoyed.

"You think I'd let my only son get engaged, and not throw an engagement party?"

"Jack, I don't even think the wedding is going to be this big."

"Which is exactly why we've got to party now," Jack says.

-0-

"Daniel! We're having a party!" Vala exclaims when he comes into the house.

"I gathered that," he says giving her a kiss.

"Well hello, Daddy," Vala says to Jack in a sultry voice.

"Don't do that," Daniel protests.

"Why not?"

"Because you're marrying me."

"So I'm never allowed to flirt again?" she protests, with her hands on her hips.

"Not with my family or people I work with, no," he says.

"He's delusional," she confides to Jack.

The baby cries in his nursery, "I'll go get him," Daniel says.

"Yes, because there is nothing sexier than a man with a baby," Vala purrs.

"Ew, gross, our two-month-old is not sexy," Daniel glares.

"No, but you taking care of him is. If I'm not allowed to flirt with anyone else, you are going to have to put up with a lot of flirting," she says, running her hand across Daniel's shoulder.

"You're trouble," Jack says.

"Are you going to punish me?" Vala asks with a cheeky grin as she heads over to the rest of the party.

-0-

"Daniel, why exactly did you want to marry me?" Vala asks as the two sit on the back porch watching the sunset. Half of the party is still going on around them, but they took a few minutes on their own.

"Because I love you," Daniel says, as if it was obvious.

"You never said that before," she says.

"No?" he asks.

She shakes her head, "I was about to change my answer, but now I don't have to. You love me, and I love you," she says, bouncing her head against his shoulder.

"Vala, we're having trouble remembering the rules to the crazy card game we played on P3 somethin'-somethin'," Cam calls.

Vala stands, giving her fiancé's shoulder a quick squeeze.


	121. E-mails

Dear Sam,

Your husband is a coward.

Also, a rather empathetic man.

I guess what I'm trying to tell you he is adopting a pregnant twelve-year-old. Her name is Mia. You're going to love her.

How is the flying city?

Love "your son",

Daniel

-0-

Daniel,

This is one of Jack's sick jokes, right?

He was supposed to add **one** more kid on to our lives, a **boy** between the ages of eight and sixteen. Those were his directions.

I told him no babies. Like 1000 times I told him no babies.

He isn't adopting a baby, is he?

Atlantis is a lot more than a flying city, and I am **not** your mother.

Please tell me it was a joke. If you tell me it was a joke I'll pretend I thought it was funny.

Love,

Sam

-0-

Dear Sam,

Does Jack strike you as the kind of a guy who would joke about pregnant children?

Daniel

-0-

Dear love of my life (who doesn't believe in divorce),

I swear I didn't go in there looking for Mia. I was going there to look at this boy who was in the exact age range. Then I get there, and this kid hides behind me. She's hiding behind me like these social workers are going to beat the shit out of her. And they are staring at her like she's got three heads. It turns out I'm the first person she's trusted… ever.

I couldn't believe it when they told me her story. It makes me sick to my stomach, and I would kill him if he wasn't dead. She's seven months pregnant, and it's her stepfather's kid. He's been raping her since as long as she can remember. So one day he's going to town on her, and she cracks a beer bottle over his head, and knocks him out. She started the house on fire, and locked herself in the bathroom.

He died, and she lived. They sent her to juvie for a couple of months, but she was pregnant, and after her story no-one could really blame her for what she did. So they sent her to a psych hospital. They released her, but no-one is ever going to take this kid home from the group home. She's a murderer, Sam, but that bastard needed to die.

I'm in way over my head. There is a lot of crying, and she barely talks. But she's safe here, Sammy, and that's a lot.

Remember you **agreed** to marry me. You waited a decade for it, in fact. You regularly tell me that you love me.

Your loving and adoring husband (who promises to change all the diapers),

Jack

-0-

Dear Jack,

Jesus Christ Jack you're insane, and impulsive, and petulant, and impertinent, and stupid, and stubborn, and completely lacking a frontal lobe. What the hell were you thinking? Also, I would have done the same thing.

Give that little girl a hug from me. If she's okay with hugs. I can't even imagine what she went through. I'm coming home as soon as I can. Have Vala talk with her. Vala killed a weapons dealer who owned her as a slave and raped her when she was fourteen.

I assume the diaper comment means we're going to be keeping the baby when it comes. I did say no babies, but I suppose we'll have to make an exception. I'm just saying… eighteen years.

I'm holding you to the diaper thing.

Love you anyway,

Sammy


	122. Mia's Voice

"She won't come out of the bedroom," Jack says, shrugging his shoulders.

Vala opens the door, and blue eyes get wide from the brunette on the bed. "It's okay," Vala assures her softly.

The girl still looks terrified. Jack comes from behind, "It's okay, she's is pretty much my daughter-in-law. You can trust her."

The girl nods, sitting up.

"Mia, Jack wanted me to talk to you because I am maybe the only person in the world that understands what you've been through. Well, maybe not, because our stories are not exactly the same. But my mom died when I was a little kid. My dad married my step-mom just so he wouldn't have to deal with me. She got sick of me after a year or two, and she sold me into slavery. Just sold me, like I was property. I was twelve years old, but that wasn't the worst part. I didn't mind it until I turned fourteen, and one night he decided to rape me. He was a weapons dealer, so when he finished, I just grabbed one of the many guns that he had laying around, and pointed it at him. I didn't have any intention of shooting him. I was just going to threaten him, use it to get away. But the second that I had the gun in my hands, I shot him. I just shot him right in the head, and killed him. I thought it would be easy to deal with that. He was a bastard, and I wanted him dead, but that doesn't mean that it hasn't eaten me up inside every single day since it first happened."

The girl bites her lip.

"I'm not saying you did anything wrong. He hurt you for so long, so long, he got what he deserved," Vala says.

"He used to make me breakfast," Mia whispers.

"Yeah, my dad never… really hurt me. But he was never around, and he was always scheming, always using me. But it was so hard to hate him, because he would buy me stupid pieces of jewelry. Sometimes it would be impossible to see the bad, because of the good. Other times, it was impossible to see the good because of the bad."

"He's dead," Mia whispers.

"Which means he never gets to hurt you again," Vala says. "Jack, he's going to keep you safe. No one is ever going to touch you again."

Mia nods her head.

"Jack wants us all to play one of the Tau'ri's more insipid board games. Do you feel up to joining us?"

Mia nods her head again.

"Atta girl," Vala says eagerly.

-0-

"You're in the wrong room, Daniel," Liz says.

"Nope, this is exactly the sister I wanted to come see," he says, sitting on the bed next to her.

"I'm fine," Liz mutters.

"Okay, but it's also okay if you're not," he says.

"Really? 'Cause she's been through an awful lot, and I feel like maybe you should be over there with her."

"Liz, adding someone else to this family that has been through hell does not in any way negate the hell that you have been through," he says.

"She's pregnant. She's younger than me, and she is having a baby," Liz says.

"Terrifying, isn't it?" Daniel asks softly. Liz nods, "You know that no-one is expecting you to be strong in this or anything, right? Jack took her in so that she could be a kid, and we want you to be a kid, too."

"I just can't fathom that he's going to be able to take care of three kids. My mom couldn't even take care of one."

"There is no way Jack ever would have imagined doing this if he didn't think he has enough love and attention for all his kids. If you ever feel like you're not getting what, you need you tell Jack or give me a call."

She doubles over in tears, and crumbles into his chest.

"Daniel, crying was not in the directions, what are you doing?" Jack scolds, peaking in the doorway.

"Do you really want to talk about following directions, Jack? Because I'm pretty sure Sam would have some comments about that," Daniel teases.

"There were directions?" Liz asks.

"There was a briefing," Daniel says, "My fiancé was supposed to over share with the crying one, and I was supposed to make sure the older sis knew she was still loved."

"Done," she says. resting her head on his chest.

-0-

"What is the name of your student?" the teacher asks Daniel with a bright smile.

"Elizabeth Clark. She goes by Liz though," Jack says. "She just moved here, we just adopted her."

"Oh," the teacher says, "I'll include some accepting alternative family literature in the first week. I had no idea that… well, I've never had a student with two fathers before."

"Oh, we are not together," Daniel blurts out while Jack's jaw hits the ground. "By 'we', he meant his wife who is oversees. I'm Lizzie's older brother. My fiancé is at home right now with my infant son, and Liz's little sister and Liz."

"Oh, I'm sorry," the teacher says, even more nervous than before.

"It's all right. I didn't express myself very well. It's been a long time since I've been to a back-to-school night," Jack mumbles.

"The more family kids have, the better. The Garcias have a grandma along," the teacher smiles, and points to the corner of the room.

-0-

When Jack and Daniel come back into the house they are surprised to hear Mia shouting out words "seal!" "elephant!" "walrus!" "walrus." They enter the room to see Vala flopping on the floor on her stomach with fingers up by her mouths by way of tusks. At the last word she touches her nose, and gets up from the floor.

"Mia's got talent," Jack says, holding out an arm. She tucks herself under it in the sort of side hug which is all she's been able to bring herself to accept.

"So proud of you," he says, giving a glance to his oldest daughter at the words, too.

"It's nice to be somewhere where it's easy to get an 'I'm proud of you'," she whispers.

 _Author's Note: I think some people will not believe how resilient little Ms. Mia is. Well, I've seen kids bounce back from similar. It's amazing, I've seen 'sometimes my mom yells at me' break one kid while 'I was raped for 10 years and attempted to murder my attacker' has complete recovery after just one year. So if Mia's amazing, that's only because I've known too many resilient little Mias._


	123. Texting

"What is with all the clicking and the beeping?" Vala asks.

"Liz taught me how to text," he responds, frowning at the tiny screen of his phone.

"So you've been talking to a teenage girl all day?" Vala asks.

"Teenage girls, both of my sisters," he corrects, slowly typing on his key pad, "They're fighting with each other. Jack is making them share a room, because they are getting the nursery ready."

"So they are squabbling like real sisters? Isn't that a good thing?"

"They're mad," Daniel says confused.

"Oh Danny boy, the only child. Siblings get angry at each other all the time. That's normal," she says.

"But I have to fix it," he says, "They need me," he types frantically away.

Vala grabs the phone from his hands.

"Hey," he objects, trying to grab it back.

"It is not your job to police an argument between two little girls," she says, pulling the phone behind her body.

"They are family…" he objects, trying to wrestle it away from her.

"And they are going to fight it out, and they are going to be the better for solving it themselves," Vala says slipping the phone into her bra.

He laughs, "Do you really think that is going to stop me?"

"It is though," she says grinning at him.

"They are my sisters, and they need me, give me the phone back," he demands, holding out his hand.

"You need to back off a teensy weensy bit so they learn to rely on themselves," she says.

He scrunches up his face, "Okay, but one more text to each of them."

"Yes," she says with a wicked grin, "But it's going to be from me."


	124. Thanksgiving

"So, Cassie, introduce us to your fella," Jack commands with his hands on his hips.

She rolls her eyes, "Okay, hang on to your hat, Jeremy, this is going to get complicated. This is my dad, Jack. He adopted me a couple of months ago. My first adopted mom, Janet died when I was eighteen. None of us knew that we could do adult adoption back then. My birth parents died when I was eleven. Jack is married to Sam who is…" she looks around the room.

"A bit late," Jack puts in.

"Right, she's working over sees right now. Then there is Daniel, who is technically my brother, but he's, like, old for that."

"Excuse me?" Daniel objects with a raised brow.

"And he's marrying Vala, and they have Matty, the little baby Jack's holding. Cam and Teal'c aren't really family, but they are close enough. Sam and Jack used to work with them. Well, Jack and Cam never really worked together, but…" she shrugs, "Then you've got my little sisters. There is Liz, and Mia, and my…" she pauses unsure what to call the baby.

"Your brother," Jack offers.

"Right, my baby brother Jonny," Cassie offers.

"Pleased to meet you all," Jeremiah says, "We, ah… brought some pie," he says, holding it out.

"Excellent," Jack says, taking it from him.

Suddenly a bright light flashes from the sky, and Sam appears before her.

"What? What just happened?" Jeremiah exclaims.

"That's what I'd like to know, you were supposed to appear in the bedroom!" Jack exlaims.

"Opps, the person operating the beamer is new."

"And they screwed up, they could have beamed you into solid matter, heads are going to roll!" Jack exclaims, heading into the bedroom to get on the phone.

"Jack, be forgiving!" Sam shouts after her husband. She then turns back to the room where the younger population, and those that are not familiar with Asgard beaming technology are staring at her in shock.

She smiles at them, "Okay, so… this is classified. I'm not authorized to explain it, and I'm kind of hoping that you are willing to pretend it never happened."

Cassie steps forward first, and gives the woman a hug, "Hey, I'm glad you could make it."

"Well, Thanksgiving is a pretty easy one. Most of the people where I am are not even Americans. So it wasn't hard to get leave for the few of us that are Americans. I'm sorry I was a little late. I had to leave Rodney in charge of the place. He's not good with minor emergencies. He's pretty good with major emergencies, life-threatening major emergencies. Just not the minor ones, so I left a little bit late."

"Umm… so you're not even going to explain how you did that?" Liz asks in shock.

"She just said that she couldn't do that, idiot," Mia says.

"Oh, when did my baby girls start fighting like sisters?" Sam squeals, going in for a hug from both of them.

When she pulls away from the hug of Mia, she looks at her with suck pity in her face, "Honey, I am so sorry that I wasn't there for the birth/adoption. I tried so hard to get away, and I just couldn't."

"What birth?" Jeremiah asks.

"Oops," Sam says, her eyes growing wide.

"Ah… Jonathan is actually my son. I don't like to think about the way that I got pregnant, so we call him my brother," Mia offers.

"How old are you?" Jeremiah says, earning a huge glare from Cassie. "I'm sorry," he says, looking down.

-0-

"You know Sam, if I were you, I wouldn't let Jack eat cake. That doesn't always end well," Daniel jokes.

"Oh, I don't care so long as it is my cake he eats," Sam retorts.

"What are you guys talking about?" Jeremiah demands.

"Honey, there is going to be a lot of things that you are not going to understand today," Cassie says, lightly tapping his hand.

"Okay, but why is that?" he asks.

"We can't tell you," Liz says with an exaggerated roll of her eyes.

"Why are you all twisted up in this?" he asks, "How many secrets do you have?" he stands up, and walks out of the house.

There is silence around the table, and Cassie stares down at the table wishing that here whole family hadn't seen her boyfriend break up with her. She's even wishing that she'd never brought him here.

"They can't all take it," Sam says.

"I don't think any of them can. I mean, everyone seems to end up with someone from the program you all work for. So maybe you should send a marine or something my way," she mutters.

"Little girl, I do not want you with a marine," Jack says, "Besides, Pete could take it."

"Pete?" Liz asks.

"He's the man that I almost married," Sam says.

"What?" Mia exclaims in horror.

"Anyway, maybe Pete really couldn't take it. Almost isn't the same as married," Liz says, suddenly worried that she is never going to be able to find someone to love her.

"The reason why that ended wasn't Pete," Sam says, grabbing her husband's hand, "I broke up with Pete because I knew I was in love with Jack. My point is, the right guy is going to be fine with this crazy little family that we have here. You are just going to have to be patient and wait for the right one, Cass."

"I'm sorry I ever brought him here and subjected you guys to that," she mutters.

"It's not the first time I've been rejected," Jack says teasingly, "Eat your cake," he commands his daughter.


	125. Wedding

"Vala, you can't have a wedding without cake," Jack says with absolute certainty.

"We're not having an American wedding. Daniel and I agreed. We're going to have a wedding that mixes all sorts of different cultures that we grew up around."

"But it's cake!" Jack objects. "Everyone loves cake."

Before Vala can offer another objection Daniel says, "Relax, Jack, we ordered our wedding cake weeks ago."

"What?" Vala objects.

"Come on, you know that we couldn't have any kind of a party without cake if Jack's invited. Besides, we have both spent more than a little time in America, I more than you. So one American tradition just seems like a given," he says with a shrug.

"So, the cake is literally the only American thing at this wedding?" Jack asks nervously.

"Pretty much," Daniel says with a grin. They have worked very hard to keep all of their wedding plans under wraps, so it is all a surprise.

"I was going to offer to walk you down the aisle," he says, turning to Vala, "But I'm not even sure that there is going to be an aisle."

"No, more like a parade route," Vala says with a bounce.

"You have got to be joking," Jack says with an eye roll.

"Nope, no joke," Daniel says grinning. "I do need to borrow my little sisters, though. We're going to braid the rings."

"Braid the rings?" Jack says with an eyebrow raise, "Out of what exactly?"

"Molten metal," Daniel says.

"Is this proposal anywhere near the realms of safe or sane?" Jack asks.

"I wouldn't suggest that my sisters do it if it wasn't safe," Daniel says, as if it were perfectly obvious, "It's a tradition from a planet Vala spent some time on. Virgins braid the wedding bands."

"Well, then I can't help," Mia says, looking wounded, as she comes around the corner.

"Oh Mia, girl, rape isn't sex," Daniel says, causing her to blush. After everything she's been through, she can still blush at the mere mention of those words.

"Go weld, but they better not come back hurt," Jack warns.

-0-

"Daniel! There are elephants at the door!" Jack screams.

"Good, I was worried they wouldn't get here on time," Daniel replies.

"You were worried they wouldn't get here on time? You mean you expected elephants?" Jack says in horror.

"You did hear the part about how we are planning a multicultural wedding, right?" Daniel asks coming to the door to deal with the elephant wranglers.

"This is going to be an interesting one," Jack says, shaking his head.

-0-

"That is not a wedding dress," Liz declares with certainty, surveying Vala.

"Of course it is!" Vala defends with a pout.

"No, I know you aren't from around here. Of course, I'm not really sure where you are from," Liz pauses, hoping that Vala is going to supply her place of origin. When it doesn't happen, she continues, "But wedding dresses are white and puffy. They are not all tight and glittery, and black, and they definitely don't show off that much skin."

"This is the dress I am going to wear as I get married. Therefore, it is a wedding dress," Vala says with a defiant nod of her head.

"Okay, but Daniel knows that you're planning on wearing that?" Mia asks nervously. She can't picture that he would ever approve.

"Of course not, it's bad luck for the groom to see the bride in her dress before the wedding," Vala says.

"That's the tradition she sticks with?" Liz asks in disbelief.

"I don't think I properly briefed you on the job of bridesmaids. You are supposed to tell me that I am the most beautiful being ever to grace this planet, and to make sure that the dress is on right. That is it. I don't want anything else from you."

"Okay, you look beautiful," Mia offers.

"And I assume the dress is supposed to look like that," Liz offers with a cheeky grin.

"Well, it will be a lot more beautiful when you put the crown on me," she commands, pointing.

-0-

"I thought the wedding was going to be at your house, why are we going to the base?" Jack asks.

Daniel giggles under his breath.

"Daniel," Jack says warningly.

"Parade route," Daniel says, grinning widely.

"That was a joke though. You were joking," Jack protests. Seeing the seriousness in the other man's eyes he says, "I think you need a permit for that!"

"We've covered all the necessary paperwork," Daniel assures him.

-0-

"Well, at least we don't have to ride on the elephants," Jack says, staring at the horses.

"No, from what I understand the elephants are only for the bride and groom," his wife replies.

"You can't ride a horse with a broken leg," Jack points out. He's still more than a little angry that his wife hurt herself by climbing a bunch of boxes while in Atlantis.

"Right, they had to do a last minute change of plans. I get a carriage."

"Is there room for two in there?" Jack asks with the unmistakable look of… fear on his face.

"My brave strong General of a husband is afraid of a little horsey?" she teases.

"You will never speak of this," he whispers.

-0-

Most of the base is there to see them off. Some of them are there because they were invited, the rest are there because of the sheer shock of a parade of animals marching from the gate of a secure military base to the home of the Jacksons.

Vala is not the typical bride. She is dressed in something that would fit in more with a dominatrix outfit. The crown on her head goes way beyond a tiara. Her bouquet is her seven-month-old baby covered in silk flowers which she cradles in her arms.

Her husband rides his own elephant, and is wearing a suit. "Vala, that dress," he says through gritted teeth, obviously annoyed by this surprise.

"It's the traditional wedding outfit in the country I am from," she says.

"Bullshit," he hisses at her.

"Okay, but it is something that assures that every eye in the place is on me," she replies with a pout.

"You are the bride. Every eye would be upon you no matter what you were wearing," he tells her.

"True enough, so I might as well give them something that they want to look at!" she quips.

He focuses his eyes on the road in front of them. His three sisters are riding horses before him as bridesmaids. The groomsmen, Teal'c and Cam, are leading the horses. Teal'c has two by the bridle, while Cam only leads Liz, who is still looking down at him with adoration.

"You are lucky that I love you, Val," Daniel mutters in frustration.

"As are you, Danny boy," Vala says.

-0-

"Let the wedding begin," Jack says, after they disembark their various animals.

"Ah… Jack, the wedding is pretty much over," Daniel says.

"Did you not notice the parade, and the crown, and the rows of admiring peasants?" Vala says with excitement.

Daniel shoots her a glare at the word 'peasant'. "Jack, we're going with a wedding that is mostly Ancient Egyptian. So the parade to the husband's house is the biggest part. We're going to sign a marriage contract, well, I mean it's an American legal document, so it's not really a marriage contract, we're not Ancient Egyptians. Then we'll slip on the rings we made last night, and that's pretty much it."

"There will still be cake, right?" Jack asks nervously.

"Yes, but no tossing of the bouquet," Vala teases holding her son up.

"Ready?" Daniel asks burrowing his eyes onto hers.

She grins at him, a big honest grin.

"Are you sure about this, Danny boy? This time you actually know you're getting hitched," Jack teases.

"Time for the foot-washing," Daniel says, turning to his sisters.

"What?" Mia asks in horror.

"He's joking," Liz says confidently. Then she looks at her brother's face again, and loses a great deal of her confidence, "You _are_ joking, right?"

"They did it for me at my first wedding," he pouts.

"I'll wash your feet," Vala volunteers, all the while scrunching up her nose in horror.

"I _was_ kidding. I washed them myself this morning," he says cheerfully.

"With rancid yak water?" Jack asks.

"No, I used clean stuff, do you think that's bad luck?" he teases.

"I think it's bad luck that your wife wouldn't let you see her before the wedding," Jack says, eyeing Vala's dress.

"You're telling me," he exclaims.

"Hey now, it's my wedding day. I've already explained the young ones that all you are supposed to say is how awesome you think I am," Vala pouts.

Daniel hands her a ribbon, which is somewhat mystifying to most of the people around, but which Vala takes in hand. They wrap it slowly together until their left hands are intertwined. Then, the priest hands them a pen, and they both carefully sign their names.

"I now pronounce you husband and wife," the minister days. Daniel uses the ribbon that is still linking them together to pull Vala's body closer to his own. Then he snakes his free hand around her back and gives her mouth a searing kiss.

They untwist the ribbon from their hands, and Daniel pulls the simple braided rings that his sisters made for them out of his pocket, and slides one onto her hand. She slides the other onto his. The audience is silent. "You're supposed to cheer now," Vala informs the people gathered around.

Everyone starts cheering them on, and they turn away from each other, giving a hug to friends, and a kiss on the cheek to family.

"Let's have cake!" Jack announces when the greetings are done.

"Honey, food first," his wife scolds.

-0-

"You know, you could pass that kid off and dance a little," Daniel chides his wife.

"I want another one," she says, staring into her son's eyes.

"Okay, but not now. We'll wait until he is a couple of years old first, don't you think?"

"One year?" Vala asks, squinting her eyes at her husband.

"Hmm… only if you dance with your husband," he says, taking the baby from her arms and passing it off to one of his groomsmen.

"Deal."


	126. Anniversary

"I cannot believe that we have been married for a whole year," Jack says as the two of them sit before a candlelit dinner.

"I can't believe that we've _only_ been married for a year. We have four children, a daughter-in-law, and two grandsons."

"Well, when you put it that way it does sound pretty dramatic," Jack says with a short chuckle.

"So… I have some pretty important news for you. I've got a different job. Commanding the _Hammond_. I'm going to be around a lot more."

"They took the command of Atlantis from you? Those bastards!" Jack says, rising up from the seat.

"Jack," she says, standing up and grabbing onto his arm in an effort to get him to calm down.

"Seriously? You did great in that command. You deserve that command. You are amazing, and you do your job, and you kept them all from dying! More than once! Did they take into account how many times you saved the world? Teal'c has kept count, ask Teal'c!" he rants.

"Jack," she says, pulling on his arm again.

"You've been robbed!" he practically shouts at her.

"Jack, I know that it's not ideal. I was a big fan of running Atlantis, I really was. When I first heard about this change is assignment I was pretty bummed. But if I am perfectly honest with myself, I'm not bummed anymore. I've missed my family. I'm still going to be gone a lot, but I'm going to be getting week-long furloughs ten or so times a year. It's not just going to be five or six quick weekend trips."

"Sam," he says sadly.

"Don't you want me to be around more?" she asks sadly.

"Of course. I'm really happy. I just don't want your career to take a hit because of me. That's why I stayed away from you so long."

"You did not exactly stay away from me," she says with that teasing look in her eyes which reminds Jack of how much he has misses Sam when she is gone.

"No, but we also didn't do this," he says, giving her a kiss.

"No, we waited way too long for that," she says, pausing a few inches away from his face before giving him another long and loving kiss.


	127. Epilogue

"Vala, it's your father, should we let him through?" Walter asks with compassion in her eyes.

Daniel looks at her carefully, hopefully. She knows that in his mind, her relationship with her father has some bearing on her relationship with her children. Maybe that is true sometimes, but other times you just have to heal yourself, because your family is never going to offer you healing.

"Let him through, but let him know that we are not playing any of his games. If he wants to have dinner with his family that is fine, but otherwise…" Vala says.

-0-

"Vala, you're having a baby," Jerek says in surprise.

"It's actually my fourth child," Vala says, "And this is my husband, you've met Daniel before."

"Yes, I have," he says, smiling at the man.

"Kids," Vala says extending her hand to them. They walk out from behind the blast doors, "Matt is seven, Samuel is five, and Teal is two," Vala says picking up the little girl.

"You take your kids to work?" Jarek asks.

"So did you, and my job is actually legal," she defends.

"Do we call him Grandpa?" Matt asks uncertainly.

"No, let's save that one for Jack. You can call him Jarek," Vala says.

"Do we hug him?" Samuel asks.

"The way this works is that Jerek is really nice, but he tricks people for money, and he leaves without explanation. So feel free to do family-type things with him, but don't get too attached," she warns.

-0-

Vala is snuggling her daughter to sleep as she father sits next to her on the couch. Daniel is playing a board game with his sons on the floor of the living room.

"You've got a good thing going here," he says to his daughter.

"I know it," she says, looking at the child on her lap.

"Camilla kicks," the baby fusses, pulling away from Vala's swollen belly.

"Sorry, baby," she says, pulling the child higher up on her chest.

"I'm really proud of you, Vala. You had so much going against you, and you really turned it around."

"You know, Jarek, if you ever wanted to turn it around, for real, this door would always be open for you," she says softly.

"I don't think I'm as strong as you are," Jarek says seriously.

"Camilla!" Teal complains once again.

"Come sit on Grandpa's lap," Jarek invites her, and the toddler makes a rapid transfer.


End file.
